RPGs that time forgot... Seals of Satan

Seals of Satan
Tag line: The boardgame mom told you not to play
Makers: White Wolf (in White Wolf magazine #42, April 1994)

What is it?
Magazine insert. Boardgame/wargame putting one player in control of evil baby seals and full-on satanic adult seals with nasty powers, and the other of the best seal hunters in the business (also with special abilities) over three scenarios, each with its own map: the iceflow, Atlantic City and the White House.

Neat stuff
-It's hilarious. The seal pups' special attack is cuteness (makes humans "dewy-eyed"), while the human victims can throw themselves into the cold water, committing suicide to deny the pawns of Satan any "Bloodfeast points".
-Each scenario has its own map, special rules and resources. In Atlantic City, you can be helped by Lassie (if your pawns understand what she's saying) and Flipper, while the Seals have Animal Rights Activists on their side. The White House has some premium victims, President Gore and his family, and help can come from Rambo himself. At any time, throwing a Beachball at a Seal will distract it.

Bad stuff
-Well, it's all made of paper. What do you want, it's a magazine insert. At least it's in full color.
-Do not play with oversensitive PCs (and I don't mean Player Characters or Personal Computers).This is strictly tongue-in-cheek material.

Quote
"We do not believe that Satan exists, We think it even more unlikely that Satan would choose cute, lovable arctic mammals as the agents of his Apocalypse. However, we are comforted that if the unlikely scenario described in this game ever comes to pass, those who have explored the tactical aspects of this simulation will be exceptionally well-prepared to meet its unique challenges."

In conclusion
Whack, Whack, Whack! I should have it laminated. Great fun, even over multiple gaming sessions. Of course, the trouble will be getting ahold of this game. Why is White Wolf wasting its time with Vampire when it could be mass-producing these?!? That said, you can now get a .pdf version of the magazine, which includes the game, from DriveThru or RPG Now. Interested parties should check it out.

How I've used it
I know I've played at least once. Thing with me is, I'm always a lot more interested in wargames than I am in actually playing them. Doesn't mean I wouldn't consider throwing possessed seal pups into a game some day. Some day soon. Can you say "Christmas Special at the North Pole"?