ROM #1, Marvel Comics, December 1979

In the 80s, Marvel did rather well with toy-inspired comics, going far beyond the toyline's premise to offer action-packed, thought-provoking stories. G.I.Joe and Transformers are well-remembered, but I was rather a fan even of the Starriors, and when we mention the Micronauts or Rom Spaceknight, people often say "Those were toys?!?"

Since my blogging experience began less than a year ago, I've gone back and reread a number of old comics, including Rom #49, one of only 3 issues of the series I own, and which had completely freaked me out back in the day. I wasn't ready for this sci-fi action horror series starring a toy that was already long forgotten by 1983. I now believe it is Bill Mantlo's masterpiece, but I can't check my theory until some kind of collected edition comes along. Problem: Because Rom was a licensed property, it is unlikely that Marvel can ever reprint any of Rom's appearances, nevermind his series! Crap! We have to suffer Essential Nova to live, but as for Rom... bupkiss.

Chris Sims over at the ISB posted the first page of Rom #1 not long ago, which just whet everyone's appetite for our favorite Spaceknight. Check it out. Dude falls to Earth like a meteor and walks away from the crater! That's how you start a series. That or 3 people sitting at a table looking through trading cards for 4 issues, I guess, it's up to you, modern comic book writer. But alas, it was only one page of cool, and no more followed.

Cut to my retirement from improv and my good friend Bauble getting me Rom #1 as a gift. And to him, I shall always be thankful. So to him, I devote this review.

Now at this point, gentle reader, you may ask what the big deal is? Isn't Rom just a rip-off of the Silver Surfer, except with a square head and mittens? Yes, in many ways, you are right. Like the Surfer, Rom made the ultimate sacrifice by giving up his humanity to prevent his world from being destroyed by an intergalactic menace and now is doomed to piss and moan about it for all time. But Mantlo has bettered the concept a thousandfold. Perpend:

The Silver Surfer rides a surfboard through space. A surfboard! If he wasn't an iconic Kirby character, he would be laughable. He kind of is anyway. Rom: No surfboard. 100% cooler.

The Surfer gave up his humanity to serve Galactus (that must be one huge tray), which is a sacrifice, sure, but really, how many worlds did the Surfer help get devoured by his boss? He's got blood on those silver hands. He was all like, "Don't hurt us, I'll do whatever you say", and I was like, "Why can't you be more like Rom?" Rom allowed himself to be cyborged to fight the Dire Wraiths. Fight them. Not toady up to them. Fight them. And when the Surfer finally rebelled, he was exiled to Earth where he putted around with the Hulk and Namor and moaned a lot. ROM NEVER STOPPED FIGHTING THE WRAITHS! Never! With the occasional break for moaning, of course.

And on the subject of the menace they were born to stop... I have nothing against Galactus. He's a top-tier villain. He's a big friggin' giant who doesn't speak to us gnats and eats entire planets. Anyone whose spaceship is as big as a solar system is alright in my book. The Dire Wraiths aren't "better", but they are more personal. Creepy body snatchers who come to your town, drill out your brains and replace you. Not just evil aliens, but practicioners of the black arts to boot. They still give me the willies (though their true forms are not yet revealed here). So I'm not saying they're as hot as Galactus, but at least they can be fought, which makes Rom a more kickass comic, cuz he can win the battle, if not the war.

So enough exposition, I sound like a Roy Thomas comic, let's dig in. Rom lands on Earth on the trail of some Wraiths - yes, they already walk among us!!! - and his first encounter with humanity goes about the same as you'd think. Oncoming car, Rom doesn't care. He's the king of the road. And that's Brandy Clark inside there, who will have quite the destiny as the series unfolds. For now though, Rom saves her life after admittedly putting it in danger.

He tracks the Dire Wraiths to Clairton, Virginia, "the kind of place where nothing out of the ordinary ever happens". See, it's a given that if your local theater is showing a B-movie starring alien monsters, then your town is about to be hit by an invasion. That's just how it is, and the Bijou shoulda known better. Seriously though, the fact a lot of the action takes place in Smalltown, USA makes it a lot more visceral. Everyone know everyone else, but as the Wraiths start replacing people, it gets creepier and creepier. You can't get that same sense from stageing stuff in New York.

Rom quickly finds a couple of Wraiths, summons his gun from subspace (look Ma, no pockets!) and SHREETs the bejeezus out of them. Bam-bam! That quick two-shot is killer, and I'm way too excited over that one panel, which has just become THE Rom panel. "Please, we beg of you..." BAM! All this without a single word, cuz he hasn't learned our language yet, and in front of the entire town who don't know those guys weren't their neighbours no more. Don't worry about the violence though. It looks like they are painfully disintegrated, but they are actually banished to Limbo ("a fate worse than death" apparently).

Rom realizes that whoops, maybe he's not making friends here, so he runs back to the one person he saved and might be a good listener: Brandy. She's up for it, so he recounts the origin of the Spaceknights. The best part for me is when the newly minted knights fight the Wraith armada. It just looks like maybe 40 guys standing in a line against hundreds of ships. The line has been drawn and YOU... SHALL... NOT... PASS!!!! Pure kickassery.

But while he's gabbing it up, the Wraiths have called on their contacts in the army, and Rom has to face a Hulk Scenario with tanks bearing down on him. Obviously, he doesn't want to fight them. He knows the Wraiths are behind this, but it's not the soldiers' fault. He now understands that he needs to make friends on Earth if he's to efficiently fight the alien incursion. He's an ambassador of Galador... ...or maybe not. "I have flown near the stars, humans! Your pale, pitiful fire cannot harm me!" Nice trash-talking there Rom, but what are you trying to accomplish? According to the next couple pages, the plan was to destroy some tanks, punch some guns into bits and fry a couple of Wraiths. Mission accomplished, by the way.

So am I now on a holy quest to complete my Rom collection? The cover of the next issue proudly promises "Lethal Laserium!", so what do you think?


BONUS: You've read the comic, now buy the toy!!!
Time to start that letter-writing campaign to Parker Brothers. They may have the monopoly on... uhm... Monopoly, but they don't own Rom. He's outgrown whatever version they "created".