B&B 2-in-1 Round 12: Wonder Woman and(vs.) Batgirl vs. the Black Widow

6-5 for Batman over the Thing, and I think he means to widen the gap even more by flying in not one, but two guest-stars for Round 12!

In the black corner... we've got Batman, Batgirl and Wonder Woman, written by Bob Haney and drawn by Bob Brown, Brave and the Bold #78, In the Coils of Copperhead.

In the orange corner... it's the Thing and the Black Widow, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by Bob Brown and Klaus Janson, Marvel Two-in-One #10, Is This the Way the World Ends?

Yep, it's the cat fight round. And who do you call when you want a cat fight? Bob Brown, apparently. DING DING DING!

The Stars
Batman wants to catch Copperhead so bad, he can taste it. Believe it! In the opening act, he cuts a mobile tank in half with his handy bat-laser, and that's before the end of page 2. If he says he wants Copperhead, he'll get Copperhead. And here's how he does it... First he enlists the aid of Wonder Woman and Batgirl and has them feign fighting for his attention. While he seems distracted by all the love in the air, he's actually monitoring the Golden Casque of Montezuma, a priceless artifact of which he is the "special guardian". First Robin, now this. Batman is really into being named the guardian of stuff. Wondering how he came up with that plan?
That ain't no tobacco he's smoking! Of course, it all goes sour when he kisses Wonder Woman and the sheer manliness of him makes her fall in love for real! (And Batgirl too!) So he has to resolve things with a lot of punching. While one of his arms is numb with venom. Why didn't he think of that in the first place? +7 bat-points

Our other story starts with Ben Grimm on a romantic stroll with his lady love, the blind Alicia. So no, she can't tell he's dressed as Paddington Bear.
The simple plot has Ben being taken to a terrorist base on the ocean surface so he can't warn the FF or whatnot, and he and the Black Widow wind up foiling the terrorists' plans. While you can sort of see that coming from the word go, interim writer Chris Claremont doesn't skimp on the big action. As a massive nuclear bomb is sent down to the ocean floor, Ben grabs hold of its cable and pulls it back up... all three miles of it!
He then whip-snaps it at the main bad guy. Looks like it stings a little more than your average towel. In the epilogue, Ben smokes a ceegar and comes to the realization that if he just saved the world and his family, then it's worth it. It's the sort of character development stuff Claremont would later bring to his X-Men, and it's a nice moment, though I'm not sure it will really carry through to others' depiction of the character. +8 points

The Guests
Wonder Woman and Batgirl sure do lay it on thick when they make like they're in love with Batman. They start with some nice skywriting, then move on to gifts. WW makes a gold statue of him and gives him all the treasures of Paradise Island. Meanwhile, Batgirl is emptying her bank account by buying him new capes and batmobiles, hoping her dad, the Commissioner, doesn't notice. It all comes to a head when they both get him the same jewel-encrusted WWF utility belt, but thankfully, Copperhead makes his move on the Casque and they can stop the charade... Except he backs out at the last second, and the threesome has to keep it up. When Batman kisses Wonder Woman, she shows her real hand (her thought balloons earlier hinted that she wasn't faking).
That's one butch version of Princess Diana, right there. Kind of like Kareem Abdul-Jabar in Bruce Lee's Game of Death. Anyway, to show their love, they each reveal their secret identities to Batman in a special and romantic way. For example, WW writes him a poem in which her Diana Prince identity is presumably revealed. Batgirl may be the real poet however, what with lines like "I'm on the smooch beam!", but she leaves her library card instead. When they realize Copperhead has been eavesdropping and will try to get at the romantic stash first, they try to head him off at the pass. WW strikes her bracelets together and makes a spark that burns the evidence. Phew!!! Batgirl tries to knock him out with a batmington birdy (pun intended) and though that doesn't really work, she's got anti-venom in her purse and saves Batman. +8 bat-points

(As an aside, let me say that I was always FOR a Batman-Wonder Woman relationship on the Justice League cartoon... IF the circumstances were right.)

Hard to beat, right? Well, the Black Widow is a pretty hot guest-star too. The action starts with her being chased by terrorists in Central Park and ramming her car into the Thing. She's captured along with the Thing and used as a hostage to keep him in line. Furthermore, it turns out the head villain is a former boyfriend of hers (skank - does Daredevil know about this?). Off to a bad start for the former Russian spy, right? It get better. Trapped in an electrified cell with Ben, she proves rather resourceful...
Ben thinks he's hit the jackpot, and he has. That's a gadget to de-electrify the door under that "body mold". It's not the jackpot *I* would have wanted to win, but I'm not a rock monster semi-engaged to a blind sculptress. After that, it's all action. The Black Widow makes use of a fighting style I only ever see in comics:
I call it Fling Foo. It's based on the ancient martial art of throwing yourself at your opponent with little regard to your own safety or the laws of perspective. Among her rather ruthless maneuvers, we may include throwing terrorists into a watery grave and blowing steam pipes in their faces.
+8 points

The Villains
It's Copperhead's first appearance, but he's treated like a recurring villain - an old Haney trick. And while Copperhead has since been mostly used as a thug/monster, he's a criminal mastermind in this. Right from the start, his plans are layered.
This, for example, is just a diversion while he dressed up as a hobo, walks up to the Queen [of England?] and steals her tiara. He's got wall-walking thugs, a secret underwater hideout in the swamp with huge poison gas-spitting snake heads, bugs all over the city, poison fangs on his headdress and a keen 6th sense when it comes to outwitting Batman (actually, he calls it a 7th sense). What he DOESN'T have is that constrictor power shown on the cover. Strange that it's how he's only used today. +8 bat-points

The Thing and "Widder Woman" as he calls her are up against a fanatical terrorist group called the Sword of Judgement, which seems to be composed mostly of, I would guess, Algerians. They have helicopters with a flaming sword drawn on them, a floating sea base, and accents not unlike that of Batroc ze Leaper. Their leader is Andrei, Black Widow's jilted ex who's so emo he's gonna blow up the ocean and tsunami the whole of the Eastern seaboard. As previously noted, he's doomed to be towel-snapped to death. +3 points (mostly for ambition)

Odds vs. Ends
From Brave and the Bold:
The hot pink Batmobile Batgirl gives Batman was mistakenly colored gray in the comic. Was it so hard to read the speech bubbles? Here, for my readers only, the correct way to view that panel. Play "Pink Cadillac" in the background for extra atmosphere.
-1 bat-point
The whole escapade is followed quite closely by journalists from the Gotham Times. Journalists in Gotham apparently cover the city by blimp and in huge teams, and while the Times is no doubt a newspaper, they also have a tv crew on board.
I'm just saying it's weird. +0 bat-points

From Marvel Two-in-One:
I'm trying to remember what other story used the same exact title, and I can't tell if it was another Claremont story, or if it was something by John Byrne. The reuse would be after this, so no penalty. -0 points
One thing I liked about Bob Brown's art is that things look like they frickin' HURT under his pencils. Here's a guy after he gets choked by the Thing:
And here's the Thing himself after he gets electrocuted:
That's pretty realistic pain for comics. +3 points

Farewells and Scoring
The girls fall out of love as quickly as they fell in and they're off!
I bet he never did call. Jackass. +2 bat-points

If we score the Thing on his Unfriendly Farewells, he misses the mark here as he toasts his victory with the Widow.
I bet he never called her back after that either. +0 points

Looks tight, but in the end, the Diana-Babs tag team trounces the Black Widow 24 to 22. Very, very close! And with that victory, the Batman takes the biggest lead anyone's ever got in this contest, 7 to 5!

Second opinion from the Comic Treadmill