Spaceknight Saturdays: Firefall Lives!

When we left Rom last week, he was being attacked by Archie Stryker, now bonded to the armor of the lost Spaceknight Firefall. Stryker, a pawn of the Dire Wraiths, thinks he's seen Rom murder a ton of people, but of course the readers know better. Don't they? Well, not according to the letters page about the first issue. Editor Jo Duffy spends half his time defending Rom's actions and explaining how the Wraiths don't possess people, but "take human form". So maybe Stryker's mistake is an honest one. Look: Rom doesn't kill!
In fact, he's a rather sensitive soul, and certainly wouldn't harm anyone wearing THAT armor. It's time for another installment of Rom's Secret Origin.

Go back in your minds (or look at the included pictures, lazy asses) to Galador before the Wraiths attacked it. Rom had a friend called Karas who saved from drowning after an unfortunate cramp.
Look at these guys. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Ok, think about Greeks. Now? No?
Let me spell it out for you: Rom is gay. Or as Rom explains it:
From then on, these guys are inseparable. I'm not kidding.
"But, but, but," you say, not intending that awful pun. "Doesn't Rom have a romantic entanglement in Brandy? And isn't Brandy a GIRL?" Sure, but Brandy's gonna have to work double-time to "convert" Rom to her team. No time like the present, right? Let's look in on her.

Ah yes, she's been kidnapped by government agents who - surprise! - turn out to be Dire Wraiths. She gets an inkling that something is wrong when one of them pulls out a Swiss Army communicator:
Her reaction: Trying to crash the car. That's our Brandy! Full of guts and empty of sense. So they chloroform her. But wait, her boyfriend Steve is charging to the rescue! Time for the Wraiths to break out to hot pink guns!
Oh! Didja notice? Brandy's been playing possum! She's one hardcore lady perfect for the kind of Wraith-owning Rom must do, day in and day out. How hardcore?
THIS HARDCORE! She follows this up by crashing the car in a cliff face, breaking the driver's neck and watching him turn into putty. Yeah, she can definitely "turn" Rom.

What, you say? You pop in every Saturday to see ROM fight, not Brandy? Ok then, your wish is my command, but I was just skipping over the parts where Rom seems to be losing.
Is that a starry sky or massive amounts of pain? Only Rom knows and he ain't telling. Here's one of my favorite bits as Rom lowers his temperature to absolute zero in order to slow down and manipulate a string of living fire.
Magic lasso indeed! Only in comics, folks! But as with any fight, Rom eventually has ENOUGH and bonded armor or not, innocent pawn or not, Firefall must fall!
Now I ask you - perhaps not for the first or last time - how can a comic based on an unsuccessful, forgettable toy rock this hard? And might Marvel not reproduce this rocking success with another? The comic's ads may provide a clue...
The Sensational Light Writer! Cylon by day, Hero by night! Perhaps the world isn't ready for the perfect confluence of Cylon, Rom and Dazzler. But one day... One day...


Anonymous said...

A Cylon pen?

I'd fancy a 6 model. or a Sharon.

Siskoid said...

What is it with SF bombshells and numbers?


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