A Satellite Era Post, Cuz I'm Not Made of Stone

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #218, DC Comics, September 1983
Justice League of America, in the early 80s, was a real bastion of trad superhero comics. Straightforward stories with straightforward art. Doesn't it make it bad! In fact, reading this issue now, I was reminded of the Justice League cartoon, and that's never a bad thing. Heck, this is just a "treading water before Justice League Detroit makes its appearance", and the current "Satellite Era" has nothing on this.

The issue starts out aboard the JLA satellite where Hawkman and Elongated Man are letting their hair down and playing some kind of 3D ship fighting game on the computer. When Wonder Woman arrives to relieve them from monitor duty, that's just Ralph's cue to... SHOOT HER IN THE ASS!
That's what I call a fun-loving League. Sexual harassment was only a glint in some lawyer's eye back in 1983.

Anyway, the plot centers around that crazy android inventor, Professor Ivo, using robots to grab physically fit people from across the globe. Unfortunately for him, one of the people picked up is the Black Canary. Well, it's not like the JLA is gonna take that sitting down. I love it when Wonder Woman gets first blood:
But then she gets shot in the face (she's gonna ache at both ends tomorrow). Still, the trail of clues leads Elongated Man to guess that the Metropolis marathon might be a major target for these androids. (And it will be - straightforward, remember?)

Meanwhile, Black Canary learns about Ivo's scheme. He plans to use physically fit people's DNA to rejuvenate himself. See, his immortality serum has developed... complications:
Yow! That's something even botox can't fix! The androids do attack the marathon, but the heroes head them off at the pass. One punch from Superman rips one of these dudes in half, but they're very lucky with their headshots and take him down (see, told you it was like the Justice League cartoon). After they take out Green Arrow's bow, what is the guy to do? Well, how about some teamwork from another lesser light in the team?
Love it when underrated heroes get their licks in! Speaking of which, Hawkman has in the meantime traced the androids transmissions to Ivo's base, so he goes there with Wonder Woman and Aquaman. Bam! As soon as they arrive, they're downed by a trio of androids, but Wonder Woman isn't knocked out. That's just about where she decides to kick some ass with the only maneuver that has ever made me find her invisible plane cool:
Then she deviates a laser beam into an android's face and throws Aquaman towards the water before taking another shot in the noggin. The water'll wake him Aquaman up and then he'll use a pretty funny maneuver himself. He calls some turtles over, has them carry a downed android into the ocean, jumps for it and dresses up in the android's costume. Good thing Ivo didn't make these guys to look like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit! Using this subterfuge, he gets into their control center and smashes everything. The androids are out for the count.

Only one page left? Damn! Things have got to be resolved (straightforwardly!). Ok, so that tool Red Tornado smashes Ivo's DNA machine and makes a speech about Ivo losing the last of his humanity if he commits these murders. Cue tears. Roll credits.

3 comments:

Sea_of_Green said...

Ralph Dibny was the only man on earth who could get away with goosing Wonder Woman with an energy weapon.

H said...

Green Arrow has a short memory. He used Elongated Man as a bow twice before - once in Action Comics 443 and once in Detective Comics 466.

Siskoid said...

Man... remember when being in the JLA looked like fun?

 

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