League of Extraordinary Presidents

You all think the Illuminati replaced Washington with Weishaupt for nefarious reasons, but you're wrong. What the Illuminati actually did was conserve the American Spirit embodied by George Washington. And then of every American President that came after him. At first through magic and alchemy and later through science. So that today, the Presidents can be called into action to protect Truth, Justice and American Pie from the Axis of Evil. This is the groundwork for the LXP RPG inspired by a reader's suggestion that I post an article on the President of the US, one article that became two (the first, HERE).LXP is the satirical role-playing game set in the world of U.S. and World politics gone awry (i.e. our own world). Players take on the role of U.S. Presidents (or their allies, see below) who protect the Spirit of Democracy (see Campaigning) from their bases inside such landmarks as the Washington Memorial and Mount Rushmore.

System
LXP uses a simple 3-dice roll under system (because there are three branches of government). All stats have a number between 3 and 18, and players must match or roll under that number to succeed in any task. The following stats are important to Presidents:
AURA: A President's popular appeal. How much he is a part of the public' consciousness, considered to be a legend, basically, REMEMBERED. Aura is used to make convincing arguments, lead troops into battle, and also serves as the President's health points. Lincoln and JFK have high Aura, while Taylor and Arthur have low Aura. When abroad, characters should lower their Aura by -1 for international territory, -2 for ally countries, -3 for neutral countries, -4 for enemy countries, and -5 for Puerto Rico.
FISTS: A President's fighting ability. Grant and Teddy Roosevelt have high Fists, while Adams and Carter do not.
GRIT: A President's courage and ability to fend off rhetorical barbs. Presidents with a lot of Grit, like FDR and Taft, can better wear assaults by the media and certainly wouldn't have let themselves be manipulated by their cabinet. On the other hand, Ford's low Grit made him an easy target for fans of slapstick comedy.
CAN-DO SPIRIT: Presidents don't need to learn skills, they have that American Can-Do Spirit for that. When a President attempts something that requires skill, he simply applies that Spirit. It's how smart he is. The kind of smart Americans respect. The older Presidents generally have more than their pampered late 20th century homologues.

In addition to stats, Presidential characters also have two important powers:
Constitutional Power: Based on Presidential folklore, these powers are unique for each character and best represent how the American Spirit has manifested itself in them.
Veto Power: Represented as points, Presidents can spend their Vetoes to nullify dice rolls (forcing a re-roll) either for themselves, allies or even foes, or by spending 5 points, an entire Constitutional (or equivalent) Power for an entire scene. At the end of each game, the GameMaster accords each President 1 to 3 Veto points depending on performance.

Presidents
Here are few pre-generated Presidents to serve as examples:

GEORGE WASHINGTON
1st President of the U.S.A.
The first American President saved by the Illuminati, he still serves as the leader of the LXP. Once a week, his bodily fluids must be replaced to keep him alive. Consequently, much of the Washington Memorial has been taken over by massive formaldehyde filtering machinery (but it can still be converted into a rocketship in under 12 hours).
AURA: 16
FISTS: 14
GRIT: 13
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 15
Constitutional Power: The Power of Truth. Just like Wonder Woman's magic lasso, Washington's oath that he "cannot tell a lie" can be extended to almost everyone else. He only needs to win a test of Grit against an opponent to get the goods out of him.
Veto Power: 21

ABRAHAM LINCOLN
16th President of the U.S.A.
The Illuminati encountered a problem when having to preserve Lincoln for posterity, seeing as he'd been shot! One call to a Kabbalist rabi later and Honest Abe's soul had been placed inside a golem. You've seen him. He IS the Lincoln Memorial.
AURA: 17
FISTS: 15
GRIT: 16
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 16
Constitutional Power: He's a Freakin' Giant Statue!!! Beware his stone fists of righteous fury! And don't let him take his giant lumberjack's axe from out behind his chair! When size and strength is a factor, Lincoln's opponents' Fists are -10.
Veto Power: 30

FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
32nd President of the U.S.A.
After having gotten the USA out of the Depression and becoming the most famous wartime President ever (though not the most famous Atomic-powered President, that's Truman), his high position in the League was assured. Though still wheelchair bound, he's no slouch in the action department.
AURA: 15
FISTS: 6
GRIT: 16
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 12
Constitutional Power: His Amazing Warchair. FDR's wheelchair has been modified with tank treads and machine gun armrests. When he uses the chair in battle, his Fists rise to 17. Who wants a New Deal now?!
Veto Power: 14

BARACK OBAMA
44th President of the U.S.A.
Can apparently do no wrong. Let's leave it at that for now.

Allies
It is certainly possibly to play Allies in LXP if Presidents aren't your cup of tea. There are two types of Allies - the Sidekick:
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
America's premiere innovator, Ben Franklin became immortal the day he got zapped by lightning. At least the way Tesla explains it today.
AURA: 12
FISTS: 4
GRIT: 13
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 17
Constitutional Power: Electric Boogaloo. Zapppppppppppppp. (This has a Fists rating of 13.)
Veto Power: 11
Note: Sidekicks require a President to be present to use their Veto Power.

And Foreign Leaders:
MACKENZIE KING
11th Prime Minister of Canada
One of FDR's wartime allies, and certainly the most colorful (yes, even with Churchill in the mix), Mackenzie King used to talk to his dead dog who assured him that 1) the Allies would win WWII, and 2) his survival was assured by Canada's League of Extraordinary Prime Ministers. SOMEbody needs to kick the Harperbot's ass!
AURA: 11
FISTS: 12
GRIT: 15
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 10
Constitutional Power: Psychic Dog. Mackenzie King's stuffed dog can tell the future. No joke. It really can. Roll on Grit and see if he doesn't.
Veto Power: 8

MARGARET THATCHER
69th Prime Minister of Great Britain/the United Kingdom
The Iron Lady used cybernetics to insure her immortality. Everyone's real scared of her. You don't want her as an enemy, so the League has opted to treat her as an Ally.
AURA: 11
FISTS: 13
GRIT: 16
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 13
Constitutional Power: Iron Skin. Any attempts to damage her Aura are -5 to the relevant stat.
Veto Power: 18

Enemies of the State
The Presidents sometimes need foes to fight. That's where Enemies of the State come in. These can be the forces of Facism, Terrorism, etc., or they can be Corrupted Presidents! Examples for each follow:

ADOLF HITLER
Führer of the Third Reich
Famously just a brain in a jar today, Hitler is no less dangerous than he ever was. His devious mind is always coming up with a crazy plan fueled by mad science and/or mystical artifacts to annoy our heroes.
AURA: 18
FISTS: 0
GRIT: 9
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 15
Fascism Power: Follow the Leader. Though it's almost unbelievable that anyone would want to follow a runt with a silly Charlie Chaplin mustache and his agenda of hate, it still happens. When Hitler is given the chance to make a speech, he tests his Aura against the crowd. If both roll under, and the difference between his Aura and roll is greater, the crowd falls under his spell.
Veto Power: 25

OSAMA BIN LADEN
Al-Quaida Leader
In his high-tech cave in the Afghan highlands, Osama puts his evil mind to destroying peace, democracy and everything good in the world. He's a James Bond villain without style.
AURA: 10
FISTS: 11
GRIT: 14
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 16
Terrorist Power: Unfindability. When Osama doesn't want to be found, he needs only roll Can-Do Spirit and you can't. If he rolls under his CDS by more than 5, he brings everything in his cave with him.
Veto Power: 7

RICHARD NIXON
37th President of the U.S.A.
There's something about villainy and heads in a jar, isn't there? Tricky Dick's impeachment prevented him from being picked up by the League, but that didn't stop him. There's a reason he was funneling funds to a secret mecha development program, after all.
AURA: 15
FISTS: 0/17 (mech body)
GRIT: 13
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 14
Constitutional Power: Lies and Damn Lies. When Nixon tells a lie, roll against Grit to see if doesn't become the truth (modifiers apply depending on how tall the tale is). He is immune to Washington's Power of Truth.
Veto Power: 15
Note: It could also be fun to play a Corrupted President as a sort of anti-hero, still part of the LXP, but not trusted by the rest of the group. Since only Nixon can go to China, it may become crucial to make friends with Tricky Dick when Mao needs a kick in the behind.

Campaigning for Presidents
There are many appropriate adventure opportunities for a satirical campaign, including:
-The Good Fight: The Presidents can get down and dirty and help win some wars, especially wars against abstractions. Who better to fight the War on Drugs, the War on Terror, etc. than characters who have themselves become concepts?
-Big Sky or Bust: Defending national parks from pollution is high on some Presidents' lists, but perhaps not on others. Role-playing opportunity!
-Threats to Democracy: Fighting these can take many forms, including patrolling the borders of Maine and Mexico to prevent illegals from taking to the river, and passionately debating Congress on a bad bill.

Players looking to design their own Presidents may make the attempt in the Comments section.

Comments

Anonymous said…
This is the most awesome thing I have seen today. Thank you.
Siskoid said…
Thanks, but the day is young ;).
Maxo said…
I want to play this ... I NEED to play this.
Siskoid said…
Then I need to design a damage system for it ;)
Martin Léger said…
"Who wants a New Deal now?!"

Best line ever...! LOL'ed out loud for quite sometime. And I'll probably remember it tomorrow and laugh out loud again in a inappropriate time.

Oh and you have to make a campaign out of this.
Martin Léger said…
Lyndon B. Johnson would be badass he only died of a hearth attack so revival would be simple and he could use The Treatment as his epic skill.

But he would have the uncanny ability to fix things yet at the same time make another thing worse, equivalent exchange of some sorts.
Pout said…
omg nerf Obama!!!111!
Siskoid said…
Marty: LBJ's cool. And that's a great idea for an ability.

Pout: Of course, you can only play Obama with the LXP 2016 supplement.
Scott said…
This... is awesome. I would play this in a heartbeat.

I'd go with James K. Polk, preferably, though I'm sure Teddy Roosevelt would be a lot of scenery-chewing fun.