Kung Fu Friday Moments: The Van Dammathon

Yesterday, we spent 13½ hours (counting dinner break) watching 7 Jean-Claude Van Damme films. I decided to live-tweet the event and given I'm a little tired this morning, I'm going to reprint those tweets here (plus any guest comments from the Twitterverse). Coherent capsule reviews on Sunday, as usual.

-Today, a KFF special event, our Van Dammathon! 7 Van Damme movies from noon to midnight, and I'll be live-tweeting it under hashtag #JCVD
-Because I'm not that quick typing on an ipod, I probably won't be filling your tweetdeck with copious amounts of #JCVD coverage
-So non- #JCVD fans probably won't feel the compulsion to unfavorite me. I'll probably blog the results tomorrow as well.
-#JCVD Attending are @idiotbrigade @nathgoguen Isabel and St-Pierre. More will join.
-We're doing it chronologically. Bloodsport it is #JCVD-Arrived just in time: Ann-marie & Marc Burner
-#JCVD haha starts with a literal ice breaker!
-#JCVD is shower shy #dontaskdonttell
-#JCVD Accent excuse no.1: His dad is French.
-#JCVD Geez that flashback is right out of Proust.
-#JCVD 12 minutes in, we have achieved 1st split!
-#JCVD America's well represented by Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. Ooh karate arcade game.
-If_I_fell_ : @Siskoid bloodsport is still quoted daily among my childhood friends and a vhs copy must be kept as initiation.
-#JCVD Forest Whitaker !?!?!!!!?
-#JCVD Wait, this isn't a Superstation original movie?! back to the least secret secret fighting ring...
-#JCVD So this underground event has a sponsor?
-#JCVD Dude, don't taunt Bolo! He fought Bruce Lee and Black Belt Jones!
-#JCVD Kumite theme song underscored by some awesome monkey kung fu!
-#JCVD 80s tasers have 2 giant USB jacks. Did any of those rockin 80s tunes survive?
-If_I_fell_ : @Siskoid the biker guy was the Danny Trejo of the 80s
-#JCVD Van Dammmmmn butt shot, all for skanky Lois Lane's benefit
-#JCVD Half the game seems to be showboating... and now you're dead.
-#JCVD Doctor can't find Ogre's heart. No... that's the clavicle. Dude, you're almost in the armpit...
-#JCVD Slow mo Jcvd expressions are the no.1 reason to watch Bloodsport
-#JCVD Bloodsport - the secret origin of Daredevil
-#JCVD Bloodsport - based on the true story that for legal reasons had to be remade as The Quest
-#JCVD Universal Soldier is next! Dolph Lundgren guest stars in a Roland Emmerich (gag) film
-#JCVD 6 minutes in and both leads are dead.
-So does every #JCVD film have an interfering female reporter?
-#JCVD TV's Conan is... the Universal Plumber.
-#JCVD The Universal Soldier program - so secret, we'll only discuss it on the news, but no pictures!
-#JCVD Reason for accent no2: Human robot (also, for the lack of acting)
-#JCVD Another butt shot for the benefit of a skanky Lois Lane. Drinking game coming together. Also lots of flashbacks.
-#JCVD Nothing like an army of Unisols to make you lose your damage deposit.
-#JCVD Reason for accent no3: When asked, deny you have one.
-#JCVD Those ear puns are on the level of Mr. Freeze's ice jokes in Batman & Robin.
-#JCVD I wonder what kind of club Kitty's is. Too subtle. Does the whole movie take place in America's shitholes?
-#JCVD Lois, how did you miss your bus ? It was right THERE!
-#JCVD I think the lesson if this movie is that you need drugs to be a winner. Slow clap, Emmerich.
-#JCVD Lundgren smoothie anyone? And yet he returns in the third sequel.
-#JCVD BODYCOUNT'S IN THE HOUSE!!! What the hell does that even MEAN?
-#JCVD John Woo's Hard Target is up next! (watch for dove alerts)
-#JCVD rocks a curly, greasy mullet. Yeah, that's not coming back any time soon.
-#JCVD Reason for accent no4: Cajun.
-#JCVD Lesson: Don't put your pathetic one-candle cake, lit, in a drawer.
-#JCVD Fact: A slide guitar soundtrack makes everything more badass.
-#JCVD True villainy is washing the blood off your hands in the victim's fish bowl.
-#JCVD Aww I thought for sure he would end up with the only cop in New Orleans.
-#JCVD Where would John Woo be without motorcycles I ask you.
-#JCVD Make no mistake, JCVD WILL punch your snake.
-#JCVD DOVE ALERT!!! And in a totally explodable disused factory. John Woo gold.
-#JCVD A Mardi Gras float factory! Did JCVD just wink at a dove?
-#JCVD Lance Henriksen almost got his crotch exploded! Uncle Duvet character find of 1993.
-#JCVD 's make-up guy is just called Zoltan. ZOLTAN!
-#JCVD During the dinner break, @MartyLight joined the party! Up next... Street Fighter! (And may God have mercy on our souls.)
-#JCVD The film that killed Raul Julia... Wha? Kylie is in this?
-#JCVD Street Fighter, based on the sequel to the game!
-#JCVD They tell me there are a dozen characters of the game butI'm afraid I have NO context
-#JCVD Features a guy who used to be Iron Fist. Getting my references crossed already.
-If_I_fell_ : @Siskoid If someone has a name and seems strangely shoehorned in, they're a character.
-slaymonstrobot: @Siskoid Don't hate me, but I actually sorta liked the movie...
-#JCVD Reason for accent no5: Despite the USA tattoo, works for the UN. That's international!
-#JCVD 21 minutes in and the lead has just been killed. These are short movies.
-#JCVD Ok Raul Julia is pretty awesome. "Then I would have ripped out his spine. The road not taken."
-#JCVD Note another female journalist mistreated by Jean-Claude. A ninja journalist.
-missmartin: @Siskoid I love ninja journalist, actually I think I have a thing for them... #jeudiconfession #JCVD
-#JCVD The war is canceled. We can all go horm... Guess what, nobody wants to go horm.
-#JCVD Bison makes some amazing cocktails and has a sweet bone chandelier.
-#JCVD Bison will fight the Allied Nations with an arcade machine.
-#JCVD Release the Hulk!
-#JCVD "Hostage pit open. Hostage pit open." Imagine recording that.
-#JCVD Doesn't Ken understand no one will want to play him if he runs away. Ryu knows.
-IdiotBrigade: @Siskoid All anybody plays as, is Ken. LINK
-#JCVD That's what I call platform shoes with variable height!
-#JCVD Now they're all doing their special attacks! FINISH THEM (wrong game)
-slaymonstrobot: @Siskoid Fact: those are all their actual victory poses from the video game.
-#JCVD After credits scene - WORLD DOMINATION REPLAY! Now on to Sudden Death - Die Hard at a hockey game!
-#JCVD Game 7 of the Cup Stanley finals. The stakes couldn't get any higher. I sure hope a Canadian team is involved.
-#JCVD Reason for the accent no6: A Quebecker despite the English name (it's a common phenomenon actually)
-#JCVD Oh it's the Blackhawks... but these Penguins are filled to the gills with Canadians.
-#JCVD My apologies to Powers Booth. For some reason I remembered him as Huey Lewis.
-#JCVD PIT 1 CHI 1 - "It's hockey, you don't need to think." Americans just don't understand the game.
-#JCVD If the Zamboni gets under 50 mph, the evil mascot will kill the little girl.
-#JCVD Oh transgendered mascot, you thought you would Pengwin, but you Penglost. (not mine, blame the room)
-Johanne_4: @Siskoid Boo the room. #JCVD
-#JCVD CHI 2 PIT 2 - the secret service didn't get the Die Hard memo from the FBI
-#JCVD is MacGyver. And beware Puckhead in the audience. He'll give you a piece of his mind.
-#JCVD CHI 4 PIT 3 - JC is now on the ice. He's got to goal and... HE'S STOPPED IT!!
-#JCVD To get off the ice, starts a fight. But when it comes to bad guys, it's skates to the face!
-#JCVD CHI 4 PIT 4 - But does the goal count if the player is in slow motion but the timer isn't?
-#JCVD Helicopter crash on the ice! Misconduct 2 minutes
-#JCDV So we'll never know who won the Stanley Cup?!??!! (the Canadian POV may differ from the norm)
-#JCVD Zoltan lives - he applied Vam Damme's makeup through the 90s... Double Team next!
-#JCVD Ooh Tsui Hark! Also, Mickey Rourque! But sadly, Dennis Rodman.
-#JCVD Reason for the accent no7: Lives in the south of France.
-#JCVD 2 anal sex jokes already and I'm not counting the title. Ooh I didn't expect underwater bondage.
-#JCVD I love being in the hands of a Chinese director. The action and visuals are crazy awesome, but the dialog is ridiculous
-#JCVD He wakes up in the Village?! Where's Number 6 when you need him?
-#JCVD Now leaving the island thanks to the plane that obviously brings coca-cola to the Village.
-#JCVD Parachutes are yesterday's news. Now introducing giant basketball technology. ---BOMB BABY!!!
-#JCVD In Rodman, they finally found an actor who speaks less clearly than Jean-Claude.
-#JCVD Disguises. Rodman as a pimp. Van Damme as Robert Downey Jr. Tsui Hark as John Woo DOVE ALERT!!!
-#JCVD Cyber-monks?!? And I thought the guy who held a switchblade in his foot was cracked out.
-#JCVD Roman arena, loose tiger, Rodman on a motorbike, baby in the middle. #badparenting
-#JCVD An explosion of Coke machines. Now I've seen every permutation of product placement possible.
-#JCVD Up next, JCVD... in the original French!
-#JCVD I didn't expect it to be that viciously funny! Haha tidy whitey SWAT guy.
-#JCVD It's over, lots to digest and it's late. So I'll take care of it in This Week in Geek Sunday

With Twitter, who needs to keep a journal? Am I right? And thanks to all my KFFFriends for much of the material above. I stole liberally from the room.


idiotbrigade said...

That was an experience. I love how we all got quiet during JCVD, spellbound by his tour-de-force acting and on-screen charisma. Y'know, compared to the rest of the movies we watched that night.

I mean you barely tweeted through it, never mentioning the sweet Taxi alarm-lady.

My vote for our Vandammathon's MVP: Zoltan. What a truper. He can go Horm. hez urnd et.

Siskoid said...

I know! I wish I had mentioned the Car alarm lady, but I just didn't want to miss anything.

JCVD gets its due on This Week in Geek.

Delta said...

"-#JCVD rocks a curly, greasy mullet. Yeah, that's not coming back any time soon."

I have a friend who moved to Thailand within the year, and his Facebook update last week was that his barber was SHOCKED that he did not want a mullet, and almost couldn't be persuaded to trim the back.

Siskoid said...

I await the relevant Tony Jaa movies with trepidation.


Blog Archive


5 Things to Like (21) Activities (23) Advice (74) Alien Nation (34) Aliens Say the Darndest Things (8) Alpha Flight (25) Amalgam (53) Ambush Bug (46) Animal Man (17) anime (52) Aquaman (70) Archetypes (14) Archie Heroes (10) Arrowed (20) Asterix (9) Atom (30) Avengers (58) Awards (33) Babylon 5 (140) Batman (677) Battle Shovel (13) Battlestar Galactica (134) Black Canary (22) BnB 2-in1 (40) Books (60) Booster Gold (16) Buck Rogers (12) Buffy (6) Canada (70) Captain America (69) Captain Marvel (55) Cat (156) CCGs (50) Charlton (12) Circles of Hell (6) Class (11) Comics (3960) Comics Code Approved (12) Conan (15) Contest (13) Cooking (15) Crisis (77) Daredevil (33) Dating Kara Zor-El (5) Dating Lois Lane (23) Dating Lucy Lane (13) Dating Princess Diana (11) DCAU (404) Deadman (9) Dial H (128) Dice (10) Dinosaur Island (16) Dinosaurs (67) Director Profiles (9) Doctor Who (1676) Doom Patrol (22) Down the Rabbit Hole (7) Dr. Strange (17) Encyclopedia (28) Fantastic Four (56) Fashion Nightmares (19) Fiasco (14) Films Within Films (6) Flash (83) Flushpoint (86) Foldees (12) French (49) Friday Night Fights (57) Fun with Covers (56) FW Team-Up (37) Galleries (9) Game design (26) Gaming (111) Geekly roundup (762) Geeks Anonymous (47) Geekwear (13) Gimme That Star Trek (60) Godzilla (53) Golden Age (432) Grant Morrison (75) Great Match-Ups of Science Fiction (8) Green Arrow (50) Green Lantern (87) Hawkman (39) Hero Points Podcast (13) Holidays (241) House of Mystery (15) Hulk (44) Human Target (8) Improv (34) Inspiration (45) Intersect (5) Invasion Podcast (44) Iron Man (50) Jack Kirby (87) Jimmy Olsen (74) JLA (94) JSA (25) K9 the Series (30) Kirby Motivationals (18) Krypto (202) Kung Fu (98) Learning to Fly (11) Legion (129) Letters pages (6) Liveblog (12) Lonely Hearts Podcast (21) Lord of the Rings (18) Machine Man Motivationals (10) Man-Thing (6) Marquee (89) Masters of the Universe (9) Memes (39) Memorable Moments (35) Metal Men (5) Metamorpho (65) Millennium (72) Mini-Comics (5) Monday Morning Macking (7) Movies (457) Mr. Terrific (6) Music (73) Nelvana of the Northern Lights (8) Nightmare Fuel (21) Number Ones (59) Obituaries (41) oHOTmu OR NOT? (76) Old52 (11) One Panel (291) Outsiders (165) Panels from Sheena (5) Paper Dolls (7) Play (76) Podcast (488) Polls (5) Questionable Fridays (13) Radio (18) Rants (20) Reaganocomics (8) Recollected (11) Red Bee (26) Red Tornado (10) Reign (563) Retro-Comics (3) Reviews (52) Rom (116) RPGs (539) Sandman (21) Sapphire & Steel (37) Sarah Jane Adventures (70) Saturday Morning Cartoons (5) SBG for Girls (4) Seasons of DWAITAS (100) Secret Origins Podcast (8) Secret Wars (25) SF (30) Shut Up Star Boy (1) Silver Age (368) Siskoid as Editor (34) Siskoid's Mailbox (10) Space 1999 (51) Spectre (20) Spider-Man (100) Spring Cleaning (15) ST non-fiction (19) ST novels: DS9 (8) ST novels: S.C.E. (19) ST novels: The Shat (2) ST novels: TNG (9) ST novels: TOS (13) Star Trek (1711) Streaky (2) Suicide Squad (38) Supergirl (89) Superman (1060) Supershill (11) Swamp Thing (23) Tales from Earth-Prime (7) Team Horrible (4) Teen Titans (83) That Franchise I Never Talk About (53) The Orville (29) The Prisoner (5) The Thing (54) Then and Now (4) Theory (51) Thor (52) Thursdays of Two Worlds (43) Time Capsule (8) Timeslip (7) Tintin (23) Torchwood (62) Tourist Traps of the Forgotten Realms (5) Toys (65) Turnarounds (7) TV (193) V (6) Waking Life (1) Warehouse 13 (9) Websites (102) What If? (103) Who's This? (203) Whoniverse-B (11) Wikileaked (3) Wonder Woman (82) X-Files (246) X-Men (102) Zero Hour Strikes (26) Zine (5)