The Outsiders Blow Batman's Secret Identity!

Batman and the Outsiders 13 - Pages 1-5
As promised, my over-critical, panel-by-panel review of B&TO #13, "In the Chill of the Night", celebrating the Outsiders' Anniversary by... finally telling Halo's origin story? Nah. We can't go into that for another half a year at least because it's so offensive. And in any case, the previous issue left Batman poisoned by one of the little people inside Katana's sword. Before we get into Mike Barr's (cough) story, let's see who else is responsible, and who the players are (after all, they're the Outsiders, you're bound to forget a few between issues).
Dan Day and Pablo Marcos, I'm sorry, but you're going to get slapped around over the coming days. Hey, you're in Aparo's company, so don't feel too bad. Now, it's unlikely this picture gallery exists anywhere in the real DCU, but I still have to ask why everyone is in a martial arts pose, regardless of their hand-to-hand proficiency. Was it traced over a magazine article on Bruce Lee or something? Joe Chilll with what looks like a ray gun is equally suspect, but this is just a splash page. There's no real story here. Let's move on.
So they've brought the poisoned Batman to Gotham General. Let me remind everyone that he was poisoned in Japan and that Gotham is on North America's east coast. Now let's look at a globe. See what I mean? Couldn't they have stopped in Hawaii or L.A.? Maybe some place where they aren't as busy as a Gotham City emergency room MUST be?
Geo-Force is obviously used to the royal treatment in a country with, like 12 people, but geez! There's a man who's "critical" there, you can't expect doctors to let you cut in line. Even when you threaten to punch them with super-strength! Although one might ALSO ask why Gotham General is so understaffed, I think the biggest question is still whether Geo-Force is America's worst superhero, or the WHOLE WORLD'S! Try some honey instead of vinegar, sir.
That's not what I meant. You can't call in a favor unless you were actually doing the hospital a FAVOR last time rather than your DUTY. And a special Anniversary medal also goes to Katana for how well she comforted Halo. Now for a recap:
Well, it was more of a private plane than a jet with some room to walk around and collapse, but maybe we're in the doctor's head. Why he's imagining the cockpit open is anyone's guess however. Now to make Geo-Force further freak out, followed by all medical practitioners reading this issue.
Yes, I'm sure that's exactly how poison works. It's sapping his will to live, that's all. Keep the unconscious man MOVING. It'll work itself OUT of his system. This guy must be the Geo-Force of doctors. There's only one explanation for his amazing diagnosis and incredible prognosis: Mike W. Barr. Is he actually going to BILL Batman Inc. for this?
Katana speaks reason. No one listens. It's the Outsiders. Hey I bet Bruce Wayne knows all about the Batman. So later, at Wayne Mansion where trees grow strangely crooked...
The next sequence will be a defining one for the Outsiders. It's one that's been a long time coming, and you won't believe it hasn't it happened yet after all this time, even with Halo and Katana living in Bruce Wayne's downtown apartment.
Alfred chooses to betray Batman's secret identity to his team when:
Black Lightning does it for him. Bam. He knew, right? Or is he just smarter than the rest of these folks? That may very well be. Let's see how they take it.
GF never suspected, but we didn't expect him to. He's a moron. Halo had a reason not to think they were the same person because of things he said, but it doesn't stop her from being near-unintelligible. The others?
Oh Katana honey. His cover just got BLOWN, what's to aspire to? Metamorpho stays on message, and Black Lightning, as ever played as the emo one, goes all selfish on us. Of course, none of this brings us any closer to getting Batman moving and sweating the poison out. In fact, I can't see why Alfred or BL would think it would be helpful (at this juncture) in saving his life. It doesn't make Bruce Wayne - Batman Expert any more available. It's all up to Alfred to spill even more beans anyway.
Their plan will SHOCK YOU by its RIDICULOUSNESS (tomorrow).


Zundian said...

My favorite Outsider and the character find of 1984 - BlackLight!


Anonymous said...

I hate to nitpick, but in the title of today's post, you forgot the semicolon before "Batman".

Siskoid said...

We find these truths to be self-evident...


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