Outsiders In: Adventures in Trespassing

Batman and the Outsiders Annual #1 - Pages 7-11
July 3rd 1984, 376th anniversary of Samuel de Champlain's founding of the City of Quebec (well, what, it's not ALL about the U.S. of A.) and no, Batman did not reveal on-panel what he wanted the Outsiders to do. So let's catch up to them in the beautiful Virginian countryside, making vacation plans.

Oh Virginia! Lush estates, so green, so quaint, so WELCOMING! At least one member of the team doesn't want to be there (this is a mistake, ALL OF THEM should want out).

Halo's "sort of" first date (if I were her dad, I'd be very worried at this expression) is Saturday. This is TUESDAY. Now, I don't purport to know exactly where Gotham City is, and I see it's been a car ride in a cheap sedan (would the team not be less conspicuous driving through these estates in luxury though?), but that's four days away. Not that there's any evidence that Halo's learned her days of the week. But sheesh. The mission hasn't even started yet and there are DAYS TO SPARE. Okay, how about some exposition to get us up to speed (on the mission, not on the date's details, thanks).

So the estate belongs to Eric Blairman, director of the fake NSA, the ASA, and wouldn't you know it, his kid sister is one of the few computer experts who could make use of STAR Labs' stolen circuit. What happens if it isn't her and it's another computer expert? Halo won't make that date on Saturday! So let's hope first try's the charm and that there's nothing stopping our dastardly heroes. Like say, a wall.

"Mr. Wayne"? They know Wayne and the Batman are one and the same at this point, so is there a reason they don't want to drop the B-word? If anyone's listening, they'll wonder what Bruce Wayne's connection to all this is, and then to the Outsiders when they change into costume. But let's not go crazy here. It's not like the Outsiders have a plan. Or else why would Black Lightning have to explain the plan after a long, boring, silent(?) car ride?

Wait... can Black Lightning do this? Nope, Who's Who has nothing to say on the subject. Can he listen to the radio through his fillings as well? Something else that happens when you don't have a plan? Nobody assigned as look-out.

Yeah, a heterogenous group of people standing in front of a wall surrounding a rich estate. Nothing suspicious about that. No problem though. Show him your psychic paper, Jeff.

Army guy assigned to ultra-conservative director of a national security agency finds a black man from Cleveland looking at his boss' beautiful estate from behind an easily climbable wall, bordering a dirt road, and BUYS HIS STORY. That is a surprising turn of events, and I don't mean to be cynical, but that's not the Reagan's America *I* grew up with. What the hell kind of fake i.d. did Batman give him?!

I mean, what would have happened if he'd shown a "Jefferson Pierce" i.d.? Not much difference. I guess they wouldn't want anyone to know they were from Gotham. So much for Plan A, now for Plan B.

Wait. Why wasn't Plan B actually Plan A? Park the car before you reach the estate, Rex turns into a gas, and recons the place invisibly. Easy. In fact, why does a powerhouse like Metamorpho need the rest of the Outsiders at all? And please, somebody tell Halo hydrogen has no smell. I don't know why she's making a frowny face there. Cut to: Inside of the mansion.

That's Eric Blairman watching MSNBC on 1984's idea of a big-screen TV. Of course, this BEING 1984, all channels are liberal-biased. There's no Fox News to reportertain him with opinews yet. But if he gets his way...

Wow, they didn't make circuits as small as they are today back then. Or glasses, for that matter. Hey, someone's at the door...

...or at the TABLE! Gosh, that's a weird and inconvenient way to communicate. What's the soldier looking at? The chandelier? So okay, soldier boy called Blairman after (nor during) his intervention with the "tourists", but the estate at least goes to Security A. What does that mean for Recon Rex?

He's an invisible gas, so he's fine, right? And hungry, apparently. Just makes me wonder how his powers work. Should a non-biological man like him need to eat? Why are you writing him like he's a normal person, Mr. Barr? You just had him say he was un-normal! Just like his grasp on the English language! But then, Rex himself doesn't really understand his powers, or else he might gave become a far less flammable gas!

Why, oh, why would Metamorpho choose hydrogen, which is explosive rather than the far safer helium or even oxygen? How about nitrogen, for that matter? Water vapor? Or the normal air mixture we all breathe?! That would have been far less detectable (Security A apparently can spot an anomalous cloud of gas) and not been so unstable as to harm him! Is "reforming" the only option now? Why not turn into one of those other gases and remain hidden? But no, that would be a smart strategy. And in any case, the other idiots are about to show up in costume.

By Geo-Force's crown! What's just over that low-security wall? Could it be the Force of July come a day early?

So Metamorpho's already down and Major Victory's making a speech that makes him sound insane and at very very misinformed. Like I said, Fox News doesn't even exist yet! To him, the Outsiders are subversives and subversives are 1) not generally loyal to one another, 2) fellow-travelers (no, I have no idea what that means), 3) traitors (obviously), 4) communists (even Geo-Force is a monarchist, dude, and that girl's obviously Japanese, not Chinese) and 5) not very well known despite having spent the last year fighting crime openly in Gotham City. You can't get all your information from slideshows, guys! Or maybe you can. It's quite possible the Outsiders never made the headlines and were instead buried on page 12 or something, given their track record.

Next: They fight! Place your bets! (But if you know your Outsiders, you already know who wins the initial fight.)