Reign of the Supermen #552: Lana Lang's Super-Husband

Source: Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #26 (1961)
Type: Imaginary story (plus a doppelganger, a robot impostor, and a Red K transformation)
What if Superman married Lana Lang? Or perhaps more to the point, how could that ever happen while Lois is in the picture. This imaginary story answers all your questions. While Lois is busy trying to prove that Superman is District Attorney David Prentice...
...Lana already knows he's Clark Kent. She saw him change through her telescope, you see. Because Lana carried a telescope, of course. What television journalist worth her salt doesn't? But her broadcasting days will soon be over. One thing she does not want to do is tell the world Superman's secret. In fact, she begs Superman to use his super-hypnotism on her to wipe the knowledge from her memory. That's what lights certain... feelings in Superman.
It's a good thing the cape is flapping in the wind, because you'd think you were in a romance comic just then. On the strength of this - and by this, I mean Lana's thrilling lips - Superman asks her to marry him and she agrees. She is truly "the luckiest girl in the world". And they tie the knot THE VERY NEXT DAY. Superman just puts a white tux on his robot double, Jimmy and Perry get to be groomsmen, and Lois is the maid of honor. That's just cruel. Well, maybe she can settle for Clark Kent or something...
OUCH! I don't know how the robot knew she was having warm thoughts about him, but even he would reject her. I'm also interested in Perry White's reaction, as delineated in the splash page:
Looks like someone ELSE had a crush on the Man of Steel. But they've all lost and Lana has won. Her wedding gift from Kal-El? A formula that gives her super-powers permanently! This way, she can't be harmed by his enemies. To add insult to injury (at least to the Lois fans who are buying her comic, after all), we're told the formula only works on blood-type A, and not Lois' blood-type O. Oh, and Superman trashes his creepy shrine to Lois, of course.
Where will they live? The Fortress of Solitude has the wrong NAME, and Clark's bachelor pad would blow his secret identity. So how about a floating estate with a garden of alien flowers?
Perfect. With powers like theirs, it doesn't matter how far from a convenience store they are. Meanwhile, in Metropolis, some thugs are breaking up a huge piece of green kryptonite, and a slew of attacks ensue. Every time, Lana has to bail Superman out of trouble, and this being the early 60s - Mad Men country - it throws Superman into a deep depression.
For a change of pace, Lana brings her super-husband to Africa to see her dad's newest finds. Except the artifacts seem to be made of Red K which, in this case, turn Superman into a rampaging villain.
I mean, who throws endangered species around like that? Only a rampaging villain, that's who. Super-Lana has to fight him for the requisite duration. He comes to just as he reaches Metropolis, but to his bewilderment, his wife is packing her bags. Be prepared for the worst Clana 'shippers!
Another relationship destroyed because the woman made people sorry for the man. Don't be mightier than your man, ladies! Tough lessons! Presumably, Superman was dead by the end of the week from Kryptonite poisoning.

Of course, none of it happened. Because comics ain't real, people.

3 comments:

SallyP said...

Not Real?

Nobody told me that before!

Siskoid said...

Shhhh. It's all real. I was just saying that to the others because that's what they think.

Anonymous said...

i m a dude and id like someone tougher than me on my side-thats what helpmeet means

 

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