Peter Jackson's Next Tolkien Trilogy

We got to talking at work after I'd seen the third Hobbit film, that once its extended cut is out, Peter Jackson won't be taking us back to Middle Earth anymore. So we dreamed up a few more projects for him, to fill the holes he neglected to fill in his 22-hour opus. If "side-movies" are good enough for the X-Men and Star Wars, it's good enough for Professor Tolkeeeeeeen. Put your satirical glasses on, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Elf Squad (rejected title: Journey to the North; even more rejected title: Aragorn Origins)
One way to continue the Middle Earth franchise is to cover the heinous 60-year gap between The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. If an 8-page skirmish can be turned into a two-hour movie, it stands to reason the same can be done, without that much stretching, with a one-line notion. In Elf Squad, Legolas and a band of merry elves - including Arwen - go to the North to find Strider to recruit him in the coming War for the Ring. The Ranger needs some convincing though, and is a deeply reluctant hero. Look, CG Legolas needs a job, badly.

My Dinner with Sauron
An indie money-saver, this is basically just a 2½-hour (3-hour, in the extended cut) conversation between Saruman and Sauron (as represented by the Palantir) as the Evil One corrupts the White Wizard and plots to take over Middle Earth. Along the way, they'll go over the land's socio-politics, the subtleties of various languages, and so on. Proper tribute to Tolkien's oeuvre. This is Christopher Lee vs. Benedict Cumberbatch. The movie is all about gravely voices making your heart shake in your chest from the surround sound.

Moria
How did Cousin Balin get dead? This is the downbeat action epic you've been waiting for. A Balrog vs. thousands of dwarves! This would finish up the "in-between trilogy" nicely, with a big battle, the same way the previous two did. It beat out Bilbo's Adventures in Gardening for that third spot, and I think that was the reason.

And after that?
By the time the interstitial trilogy is out (and extended), we can start talking about buying up other Tolkien material like the Lost and Unfinished Tales (sorry, no closure for you) or the Silmarillion (I recommend it as a found footage film), but not before, okay?

3 comments:

Erich said...

I'm thinking Peter Jackson's next project will be an adaptation of Richard Wagner's The Ring of the Nibelung, just so he can fool people into thinking it's part of the same series.

(Actually, The Ring of the Nibelung WOULD make for an interesting live-action fantasy epic series...although I don't know how studios would take to the whole incest thing between Siegmund and Sieglinde...)

Green Luthor said...

Jackson should take the opportunity to fix the most glaring error of the original LotR trilogy, and give us a whole new trilogy devoted just to the Tom Bombadil bit that was cut. (Or, he could NOT do that. Yeah, that's probably the better way to go...)

Siskoid said...

That movie would be a bomb...adil. You have permission to slap me for that one.

 

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