Spring Cleaning: Role-Playing Cats

Looking through some old files, I found write-ups of various cats - mine included, the rest who had enslaved friends and family - using a long-gone system created by Matt Gwinn. It used to be available free on GeoCities, so it's been gobbled up by the Internet, but I don't think you need it to understand what's going on. I mean, it's clear: You're meant to play cats, or in this case, your own. As cats. Not as some kind of Puss'n'Boots anthropomorphic animal.

These were done in 2001, when my cat was all of one year old. While he's still with us, I realize this will be a bittersweet post for many. We've lost sight of many of these cats. Some have passed away, some ran off, and others had to be given a new home when life's circumstances changed. Still, if you're named here, I thought you might enjoy pouncing down memory lane. If not, how would your cat fare in the role-playing game?

NAME: Gazou
THINKS HE IS CALLED: Cuwey
BREED: American Shorthair. Neutered male. 1 year old.
OWNER OF: Siskoid, Gwen and Eric
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 3
Stamina: 2
Pedigree: 1
Fight/Play: 3
Forage/Hunt: 2
Sense/Perceive: 2
Humans: 8
Human Things: 4
Other Animals: 1
Communication: 1
Special Ability: Empathic Link (Siskoid, Gwen)
Personality Traits: Friendly, Patient, Punctual, Open-minded, Clean, Clumsy, Curious, Lazy, Crybaby, Stupid
Quirks: Goes crazy for condensation. Incapable of clawing human skin. Must wake Siskoid up once a night. Insensate tail.

NAME: Minoune
THINKS SHE IS CALLED: Grosse Toutoune [translates as Big Girl]
BREED: Maine Coon Cat. Neutered female. Indeterminate age.
OWNER OF: Chouine and Izabel
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 6
Stamina: 2
Pedigree: 1
Fight/Play: 2
Forage/Hunt: 2
Sense/Perceive: 2
Humans: 5
Human Things: 2
Other Animals: 1
Communication: 1
Special Ability: Empathic Link (Chouine, Izabel)
Personality Traits: Charming, Caring, Strong, Passionate, Lovable, Punctual, Annoying, Stupid, Fat, Lazy, Hungry, Loud
Quirks: Eats 'til she pukes. Licks you 'til you die. Insists on sleeping on your chest until asphyxiation. When litter is not clean to her satisfaction, will urinate on the bathroom floor. Sheds everywhere.

NAME: Lapin [translates as Rabbit]
THINKS HE IS CALLED: Psssss pssssss pssssss
BREED: American Shorthair. Neutered male. 1 year old.
OWNER OF: Valérie, Ghislain and Mélanie
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 2
Stamina: 3
Pedigree: 1
Fight/Play: 8
Forage/Hunt: 2
Sense/Perceive: 2
Humans: 5
Human Things: 2
Other Animals: 1
Communication: 1
Special Ability: Empathic Link (Valérie, Ghislain)
Personality Traits: Aggressive, Annoying, Jealous, Active, Charming, Humorous
Quirks: Strange acrobatics when he's happy to see you. Doesn't understand that humans might be tired of playing. Sheds hair in the extreme. Likes to bite your toes when you sleep.

NAME: Zucchini (AKA Utini)
THINKS HE IS CALLED: Zucchinner or Zucc
BREED: American Shorthair. Neutered male. 2 years old.
OWNER OF: Mireille
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 3
Stamina: 3
Pedigree: 1
Fight/Play: 4
Forage/Hunt: 3
Sense/Perceive: 3
Humans: 5
Human Things: 2
Other Animals:  1
Communication: 1
Special Ability: (Empathic Link : Mireille)
Personality Traits: Friendly, Lovable, Active, Caring, Annoying, Loud, Cowardly, Clumsy, Crybaby
Quirks: Always flipping so you can scratch his belly. When he's super-happy to see you or to get petted, will drool... enormously. Loud meowing when his water is being filled, then leaves as soon as the dish is back on the ground. Always, always, always wants to be in your arms.

NAME: Q-Tip
THINKS HE IS CALLED: Grosse pétasse [translates as Big Mud]
BREED: American Shorthair. Neutered male. 3 years old.
OWNER OF: Julie [my sister]
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 3
Stamina: 2
Pedigree: 1
Fight/Play: 2
Forage/Hunt: 3
Sense/Perceive: 6
Humans: 4
Human Things: 2
Other Animals:  2
Communication: 2
Special Ability: (Empathic Link : Julie)
Personality Traits: Charming, Loyal, Caring, Patient, Loveable, Optimistic, Considerate, Clean, Stupid, Fat, Sensitive, Lazy, Hungry, Jumpy, Clumsy, Spoiled
Quirks: Likes to hump stuffed animals on which he sexually obsesses. Bowl always mysteriously empty. Too much of a clean freak to bury his own turds.

NAME: Tweezer
THINKS HE IS CALLED: P'tite blette [translates as Small Ferret]
BREED: American Shorthair. Neutered male. 2 years old.
OWNER OF: Julie [still my sister]
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 2
Stamina: 3
Pedigree: 0
Fight/Play: 4
Forage/Hunt: 4
Sense/Perceive: 3
Humans: 5
Human Things: 3
Other Animals:  1
Communication: 3
Special Ability: (Empathic Link : Julie)
Personality Traits: Self-confident, Loveable, Adventurous, Active, Fascinating, Athletic, Free-spirited, Smart, Believable, Outgoing, Creative, Alert, Annoying, Arrogant, Excitable, Demented/Crazy, Cowardly, Loud, Intolerant, Curious, Rebellious, Jumpy, Unpredictable, Spoiled
Quirks: Must awaken Julie every morning at six by face-bunting. Looks like a kitten despite being an adult. Pushes everything to the ground (includes out of the way stuffed animals so as to avoid being humped). Rolls like a crazy person when vigorously scratched.

NAME: Dr. Evil
THINKS HE IS CALLED: Stupid
BREED: American Shorthair. Neutered male. 2 years old.
OWNER OF: Geneviève and Fred
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 2
Stamina: 3
Pedigree: 0
Fight/Play: 3
Forage/Hunt: 2
Sense/Perceive: 2
Humans: 5
Human Things: 4
Other Animals:  1
Communication: 1
Special Ability: (Empathic Link : Geneviève)
Personality Traits: Stupid, Completely stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
Quirks: Hides in boxes in Fred's closet. Pushes garbage cans down. Smokes q-tips. Scratches at doors to get into rooms, doesn't enter when opened. Can play with a bottle cap from 10 PM to 6:30 AM non-stop. (Actual traits probably: Affectionate, Passionate, Active, Stupid, Unpredictable, Disobedient)

NAME: Garfield
THINKS SHE IS CALLED: Freak
BREED: Norwegian Forest. Neutered female. 4 years old.
OWNER OF: Geneviève and Fred
TYPE: House Cat
Size: 3
Stamina: 2
Pedigree: 0
Fight/Play: 0
Forage/Hunt: 0
Sense/Perceive: 0
Humans: 0
Human Things: 0
Other Animals:  1
Communication: 0
Special Ability: (Empathic Link : The sink)
Personality Traits: Clumsy, Crybaby, Stupid, Antisocial, Grumpy, Possessed by the soul of a crack cocain addict (Demented)
Quirks: Can't drink water if it doesn't come directly from the tap or the toilet. Always sleeping. Tries to escape the apartment every time someone opens the door. Climbs on top of the fridge to watch humans from above. Bites Dr. Evil's balls. (Actual skills probably: 1-3-3-1-4-1-1; actual Empathic Link: Maxime; Actual positive traits probably: Free-Spirited, Punctual, Alert, Well-Informed)

Note that the write-ups were submitted by the respective owners. Siskoid's Blog of Geekery does not take responsibility for any feline defamation in the preceding article.

4 comments:

LiamKav said...

"Can't drink water if it doesn't come from the tap or the toilet."

Where else would you be giving your cats water from, if not the tap? Are you flying in water from the river Jordan?

Siskoid said...

I believe its human slaves meant "direct from".

LiamKav said...

Ah, that makes sense. I know a cat that will only drink water if you put it in a small glass tumbler. Anything else, he's not interested.

Siskoid said...

My cat started out the same. In fact, would mostly drink condensation and not from a container. Don't know when it happened, but he eventually accepted the plastic dish.

 

Blog Archive

Category

5 Things to Like (21) Activities (23) Advice (70) Alien Nation (33) Aliens Say the Darndest Things (8) Alpha Flight (21) Amalgam (53) Ambush Bug (46) Animal Man (17) anime (50) Aquaman (69) Archetypes (14) Archie Heroes (10) Arrowed (20) Asterix (9) Atom (29) Avengers (56) Awards (33) Babylon 5 (139) Batman (670) Battle Shovel (13) Battlestar Galactica (121) Black Canary (21) BnB 2-in1 (40) Books (59) Booster Gold (16) Buffy (6) Canada (68) Captain America (67) Captain Marvel (50) Cat (156) CCGs (27) Charlton (11) Circles of Hell (6) Class (11) Comics (3890) Comics Code Approved (12) Conan (15) Contest (13) Cooking (15) Crisis (77) Daredevil (33) Dating Kara Zor-El (5) Dating Lois Lane (23) Dating Lucy Lane (13) Dating Princess Diana (11) DCAU (404) Deadman (9) Dial H (127) Dice (10) Dinosaur Island (16) Dinosaurs (65) Director Profiles (9) Doctor Who (1661) Doom Patrol (20) Down the Rabbit Hole (7) Dr. Strange (17) Encyclopedia (28) Fantastic Four (54) Fashion Nightmares (19) Fiasco (14) Films Within Films (6) Flash (78) Flushpoint (86) Foldees (12) French (49) Friday Night Fights (57) Fun with Covers (56) FW Team-Up (37) Galleries (9) Game design (25) Gaming (111) Geekly roundup (741) Geeks Anonymous (45) Geekwear (13) Gimme That Star Trek (55) Godzilla (52) Golden Age (408) Grant Morrison (74) Great Match-Ups of Science Fiction (8) Green Arrow (47) Green Lantern (82) Hawkman (36) Hero Points Podcast (13) Holidays (238) House of Mystery (15) Hulk (44) Human Target (7) Improv (30) Inspiration (45) Intersect (5) Invasion Podcast (44) Iron Man (49) Jack Kirby (83) Jimmy Olsen (74) JLA (90) JSA (22) K9 the Series (30) Kirby Motivationals (18) Krypto (202) Kung Fu (96) Learning to Fly (10) Legion (123) Letters pages (5) Liveblog (11) Lonely Hearts Podcast (20) Lord of the Rings (17) Machine Man Motivationals (9) Man-Thing (3) Marquee (88) Masters of the Universe (8) Memes (38) Memorable Moments (28) Metal Men (4) Metamorpho (64) Micronauts (1) Millennium (71) Mini-Comics (2) Monday Morning Macking (6) Movies (450) Mr. Terrific (3) Music (71) Nelvana of the Northern Lights (8) Nightmare Fuel (21) Number Ones (59) Obituaries (40) oHOTmu OR NOT? (70) Old52 (11) One Panel (269) Outsiders (163) Panels from Sheena (5) Paper Dolls (6) Play (73) Podcast (451) Polls (5) Questionable Fridays (13) Radio (18) Rants (20) Reaganocomics (8) Recollected (11) Red Bee (26) Red Tornado (10) Reign (563) Retro-Comics (3) Reviews (52) Rom (116) RPGs (534) Sandman (19) Sapphire & Steel (37) Sarah Jane Adventures (67) Saturday Morning Cartoons (5) SBG for Girls (4) Seasons of DWAITAS (100) Secret Origins Podcast (8) Secret Wars (25) SF (29) Shut Up Star Boy (1) Silver Age (364) Siskoid as Editor (32) Siskoid's Mailbox (10) Space 1999 (51) Spectre (19) Spider-Man (99) Spring Cleaning (15) ST non-fiction (19) ST novels: DS9 (8) ST novels: S.C.E. (19) ST novels: The Shat (2) ST novels: TNG (9) ST novels: TOS (11) Star Trek (1683) Streaky (2) Suicide Squad (35) Supergirl (88) Superman (1052) Supershill (11) Swamp Thing (21) Tales from Earth-Prime (7) Team Horrible (4) Teen Titans (80) That Franchise I Never Talk About (53) The Orville (29) The Prisoner (5) The Thing (54) Then and Now (4) Theory (50) Thor (52) Thursdays of Two Worlds (43) Time Capsule (8) Timeslip (7) Tintin (23) Torchwood (61) Tourist Traps of the Forgotten Realms (5) Toys (63) Turnarounds (7) TV (192) V (6) Waking Life (1) Warehouse 13 (8) Websites (102) What If? (103) Who's This? (182) Whoniverse-B (11) Wikileaked (3) Wonder Woman (80) X-Files (245) X-Men (98) Zero Hour Strikes (20) Zine (5)