The Curmudgeon Shot First

Nitpicking A New Hope from 47:52 to 56:00
Ok, how about we meet Han Solo? You know where this is heading...

...and I'll get you there, but whereas there's a lot of anger directed at the way Lucas tweaked the Greedo scene and thus "Han's introduction", that's not quite true. Han's actual introduction is his negotiation with Obi-Wan and Luke, listing the Millennium Falcon's credentials and so forth.

Not that Obi-Wan is so easily conned. "Made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs"? Since "parsecs" are a unit if DISTANCE, not TIME, then I guess it didn't QUITE make the Kessel run, is that it? It's outrun Imperial starships, the big kind, which isn't too surprising given those things' maneuverability. It'll cost 10,000 quatloos, but Han settles for 17,000 (2000 in advance, and 15,000 when they reach Aldaraan... Obi-Wan made a good deal there, but I'm getting ahead of myself). Before he can leave the Cantina, he has to deal with Greedo come to collect for Jabba. You know the scene:

Or perhaps you know it better without Solo breaking his neck to avoid a shot that never came. With Greedo shooting first, or at the same time, or not at all. I don't want to spend too much time on this: It's infamous as the worst change ever made to a film this side of Blade Runner's happy ending (what is it with Harrison Ford anyway?). But is it really that bad? I mean, who cares, right? It LOOKS awful, but that's another matter entirely. Greedo was pointing a gun at him, would have shot, but didn't didn't have the time. That he does shoot makes him a little smarter, if not more accurate. What really gets me is that it shows how little Lucas fixates on the unimportant. WHY must Greedo shoot first (or indeed, at all?). Han WAS being threatened. He's a badass found in a hive of scum and villainy. He still leaves the bar callously apologizing for the mess. Obi-Wan just now chopped a guy's arm off in similar circumstances. If it's to make Han a better role model to the kids, then why does everyone else not get this treatment? I mean, it's no more kid friendly, especially since Lucas also added a fizzling sound on Greedo's smoking body. That's LESS kid-friendly, not more. I think we can argue about how it affects Han Solo's character to shoot second, but in the end, I think what angers the fans is that there's no reason for it, like a lot of Lucas' changes.

Back on the Death Star - which means more establishing tie-fighter screeches; are they the Ringwraiths of this epic? - Darth Vader complains about Leia's resistance to the mind probe (noooo not the MIND, PROBE - oh sorry, Doctor Who reflex), and Grand Moff Tarkin out-evils him by suggesting they turn the station's weapon against Leia's home planet. Cut to scene of droids arguing in an open doorway after Stormtroopers pass by.

This is not a useful scene. It's just C-3PO bitching and moaning that it's probably all R2-D2's fault, like he's done all along, and an inference that R2's bleeps and bloops are curse words. Trim please. Luke and Ben are walking through the streets and being followed by an anteater in goggles. You can probably trim that too.

But I'd watch all the doorway talk and street walking in the world if I didn't have to also watch the stupid, stupid, and jar-jarring added scene between Solo and CG Jabba. 1997 and 2004 versions:

Why is this all wrong? Let me count the ways.
1) It takes away the mystery of who Jabba is. I know, I know, at this point in human history, it's not exactly a spoiler, but narratively speaking, it's still a mistake to have him show up early. The trilogy wasn't built like that for a reason.
2) The scene also anticipates fan favorite Boba Fett, and thus tries to take away something from both the untouchable Empire Strikes Back, AND Return of the Jedi.

3) CG Jabba just doesn't match the slimy splendor of the giant puppet. And I do mean giant. Decadence or not, it doesn't seem to give Jabba much time to get morbidly obese. He's quite spry here, and short. And given that Han is close enough to kiss him, steps on his tail, etc., it takes away from his fearsomeness. He's a comedy figure.
4) There's a behind the scenes reason to hate it too: It forces us to accept Lucas' delusion that he had this grand vision of Jabba as a slug monster all along, but had to compromise and use... a human actor wearing furs? Come on, now. I agree that the Jabba we eventually got was a better idea, and so it's good this scene was originally deleted, but don't kid a kidder. Your compromise can't have been "just a guy". He would at least have been a more humanoid alien. Given the richness of the background, like, EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THIS MOVIE, there's no way Lucas is remembering it right, and I do find it extremely irritating when he tries to rewrite his own history in addition to his films.
5) He was right to cut the scene originally. It gives us nothing we didn't already know. Han needs money, he's fleeing some mob boss, that's all we need to know. It's basically a repeat of the Greedo scene.
6) Harrison Ford isn't very good in it. A lot of obvious pointing and a stilted delivery.
7) There's this one guy in the scene, a space pirate with a frou frou shirt, dancing around because he's trying to act "alert". Terrible.

Okay, so there's more walking and I guess Luke and Ben caught up with the droids (might've shown THAT), and more talk of how fast the Millennium Falcon is (yes, we get it), and Luke's all, like, what a piece of junk, and there's a lot of sneering, and so on. Feels like that first season of Deep Space Nine where everyone hated each other (everyone's favorite season, am I right?). And the spy tells the Stormtroopers and they have to leave in a hurry. Suddenly, it's kind of exciting. It's like we're Luke, getting off Tatooine is an end unto itself. Everything that went before was moisture farming.

Or am I reading too much into it?