5 Discoveries Indiana Jones Should Add to His Collection

...I mean, a Museum's collection. Of course.
They've confirmed Indie's 5th movie outing, Summer of 2019, with both Spielberg and Ford returning. No mention of George Lucas in the press release, so the Gods may be with this one and it won't stain our collective conscious like Crystal Skull did. I have every hope, anyway. Will it be all about the 77-year-old (by then) adventurer-archaeologist? Or will Ford have a massive flashback that takes a younger actor back to the Nazi-filled 1930s where the franchise really does live? Either way, Ford's Professor Jones could well get some kind of heroic death in the bargain (he needs to kill Deckard next though). It's too early to tell. But lest he go spelunking after a golden walker or worse, more X-Files cases, here are a few artifacts from mytho-history I think you could hang a real Indiana Jones movie on...
The Spear of Destiny. Old Longinius dropped it somewhere. If we're "rebooting" the franchise, then a certain sense of familiarity isn't untoward, and after the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail, THIS would be the last piece of the Biblical trifecta on Hitler's wishlist. DC Comics actually let Adolf have it so he could keep the superheroes away from the European theater and almost trigger the end days! This trilogy would be 35 years in the making, interrupted by two films people just don't like as much! Is the Christ's blood still on it? What does Hitler think he can achieve in those painfully early days of genetic science? Crazy stuff, and the artifact's destiny is more closely tied to Europe than the Middle East, offering something of a change from the previous films.
Atlantis. Yes, the whole sunken continent. Or island. Or domed underwater city. I don't care what the solution is, but if you wanted to go pseudo-science on the franchise, this is a much better approach than Roswell! It's more clearly linked to archaeology at least!
The Abominable Snowman. What, is cryptozoology outside the realm of possibility? Indy on the trail of the Yeti in the Himalayas, pitted against a Great White Hunter and aided by a strange offshoot of Tibetan Buddhists. Martial arts, monsters and mayhem! (Wait, am I poaching ideas from Doctor Who here? Well let's say they're not robots.)
Excalibur. Who wouldn't want to see that? Arthurian legend is rife for this treatment.
Anything that takes Indy to Oceania. I don't what kind of artifact would take our favorite whip expert from Ayers Rock to Easter Island, but if I were to put some imagination behind it, maybe some kind of Ouroboros worm thing that somehow acts as a localized magical wormhole, the key to the Japanese getting to the Americas and winning the war before the U.S. even know it's begun. Aborigine, Maori, and Polynesian cultures are dreadfully underused in fiction, and I bet they would look fantastic. And in Indy's time? Pulpy headshrinkers I bet!

Norse artifacts that begin Ragnarok, Lovecraftian grimoires and philosopher stones have been, or will have been, seen in other films or television shows, which is why they don't figure on my list. But please. Don't be shy about recommending excursions!

8 comments:

Andrew Gilbertson said...

More challenging post- IF Indy doesn't time-travel back to the 30s like we all want him to, and this movie is set in (theoretically, based on his age) the early 60s... what kind of treasures/storylines would be the best fit for those non-Nazi days? How can this ever-further-from-the-30s setting avoid Crystal-Skull-ism and retain the Indy spirit in the days when the Space Race is already underway and there are early computers?

(As an aside, if they bumped this a little later- as if Ford were 5 years older or so, and set it in 1969- and had Indy seeking an artifact on the Moon ahead of the Ruskies... I dunno, I think I might almost be willing to risk similarities to Crystal Skull to see Indy dodging traps in secret Moon-people temples and fighting subterranean moon-beasts. Just saying...) :-)

Mick said...

The Philosopher's Stone has been retrieved by Indy already:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Jones_and_the_Philosopher%27s_Stone

Andrew Gilbertson said...

(That said, I'd love to see Oceania, and agree it's underused- in fact, I have a mega-zombie story pitch in which I think a convincing argument could be made for Australia as humanity's last refuge, and the Oceania islands as the last battleground to keep the infection from spreading there).

Toby'c said...

Indy has discovered Atlantis before, in a video game that was better than at least three of the movies.

Siskoid said...

Oh harsh! THREE of the movies? That leaves just one!

Toby'c said...

Well, to be clear, it doesn't beat Last Crusade by much, which is still just barely in my top 100 films of all time (Raiders is somewhere in my top 20. The other two wouldn't even be in my top 1000 if I ever made one, though I'm a lot more forgiving of Crystal Skull than Temple of Doom).

It should also be noted that I haven't played Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis in at least fifteen years.

Andrew Gilbertson said...

Do we really want to start a 'rank the Indy films' thing going here? I mean, I was just in one yesterday, so I'll stay out... but man, those things can get more heated than Batman vs. Superman debates. :-)

Unknown said...

Indy and the search for the Cintamani stone in Shangri-la

 

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