Krypto #46: Collie Krypto

From: Superman #157 (Nov 1962) and Superboy #101 (Dec 1962)

In the middle of what must have been Lassie Mania, DC published THIS story. It's one of those days where Krypto feels marginalized and wants to get attention because no one's happy with his digging up the vast dinosaur cemetery that is Smallville.

Unable to get his groove on with the ladies in what is quickly turning into a massive sinkhole and unnatural disaster of Trump's America proportions, Krypto decides to do his job as defender of the oppressed dog instead, and spotting dog nappers posing as ice cream salesmen, fakes his own kryptonite-induced coma to get "captured".

But the crooks figure out the Green K is a painted rock and decide to "outwit" Krypto by making him help them commit crimes. So they send all the other hostage dogs home and reveal that they were just collecting models for their fancy body-changing machine. This is some elaborate stuff for penny-ante crooks who were going to ransom prize dogs in a small American town. It was a different time. People's brains were wired differently in the Silver Age.

And of course, this taps right into Krypto's current insecurity. He can be a blue-blood too, now! His pick: Collie. Just like all the best movie doggie TV stars. But will it work on his Kryptonian physiology? The crooks make him go through a few tests.

Among these tests is digging a tunnel right to a bank vault. His powers seem fine, so the next day...

That's another thing these criminals have handy, a complex 3D projector! Guys, are you sure you need to steal? So Krypto goes his merry way, thinking he's a handsome pup and apparently unable to look down at his own paws or back at his own tail. It's not until he shakes his cape off and tries to enter a beauty pageant that he learns the truth.

That the effect must have worn off! But when he returns to the crooks' hideout, he finds out he's been tricked! And so have the readers! The cover promised us a true-blue(-blood) transformation! Hold on, kids, four pages to go. For now, Krypto diverts his own tunnel so the bad guys find their way to a jail cell instead. Then, he's off into space to dream of Collieness. And because he's just a dumb dog, he doesn't think twice before flying through a red dust cloud, even though these invariably turn out to be Red Kryptonite.

And it's the wish fulfillment kind! Superboy embraces the change because he's as shallow as they come, but doesn't expect a further side-effect...

That's right, Krypto imagined himself as a SPECIFIC dog, "Lady" (well, "Lassie", let's be real), a female one, and apparently, pregnant. So Krypto delivered four pups in a cave and is now a super-mother. One that Superboy doesn't want on missions because it would be "too dangerous for a girl". Even an indestructible one, Superboy? You should have led with the "pups to take care of" bit, you Kryptonese turdball. But Red K only lasts 36 hours, so Kryptonia turns into Krypto once more, and the pups?

They disappear as if they never existed, which is rather disturbing when you think Krypto is stuck with the memory of having pushed them out of his genitals. Superboy comics are weird.

A month earlier (years later) in Superman #157...

Krypto was fly-driving a tank so Superman could fake being a genie. Yeah. I rest my case.