Avengers Secret Santa

Category: Avengers
Last article published: 31 August 2018
This is the 48th post under this label
Inspired by Kerry Callen's amusing Christmas cover:
In a parallel universe I just created, the Avengers East and West, basically an assembly of twelve that tells you what my favorite era of Avengers comics was, hold their annual Christmas party. Because not everyone is as rich as Tony Stark, they decided to do a Secret Santa this year. I have put their names in a hat for them, and they each do a random pick - no cheating, Scarlet Witch! - and here are the results...

Captain America's gift to the Wasp is a new sewing machine. It may sound old-fashioned, but Janet designs a costume for every issue, so don't tell me she's not sweating at a machine every free second of the day!

Wasp gives Vision a new costume.
She had a lot of white cloth to get rid of.

Vision picks Thor, but what do you get a god when you're an emo robot? After much calculation, Viz asks Wanda to improbably have a horde of trolls crash the Christmas party. There's not much a tree left after Thor fights them, but he hasn't had this much fun since the Bifrost Bridge inauguration.

From: Thor. To: Hawkeye. Ullr's bow. As far as Norse gods go, Ullr doesn't really appear in the comics, does he? So he's not gonna need his bow. Still has his skis anyway.

Hawkeye gives the disgraced Hank Pym a spot in the West Coast Avengers. 'nuff said.

Hank puts his genius to finding a gift for Hercules and invents an infinitely refillable beer keg. Pym particles are used to shrink vast beer vats into a small cannister, which regrows the beer molecules to keep it always full. Who else wants one?

Herc picked Cap, and he's like, drink? No. Women? No. Song? Forsooth! What does one get yon super patriot who hath no vices?! Well, Herc, it's the thought that counts, and you know Steve will appreciate that gift certificate from the local art supplies store.

The Black Knight's gift to the Scarlet Witch was going to be some terribly cheesy earrings, but somehow - SOMEhow! - a completely different pair came in the mail, and Wanda LOVES them. I wonder how that happened.

Wanda picks Iron Man and gets him a nice silk robe. (Shhh, don't tell Tony, but it's her go-to gift for men.)
Iron Man gives Mockingbird a gorgeous diamond necklace with a bird pendant, getting the evil eye from Hawkeye whose own budget doesn't even come close to treating Bobbi the way he would like. The Avengers really should have put a price range on the gift exchange.

Mockingbird gets Tigra something fancy, but Tigra spends the entire night playing with the ribbon that was around the box instead.

And finally, Tigra gets the Black Knight an illustrated La Morte d'Arthur. Cats will surprise you.

Hope you get a few surprises yourself, dear reader. Now where's that refillable keg...


Anonymous said...

Well thought out. I like it a lot.


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