A Look at 5 Fictional Prisons

Category: The Prisoner
Last article published: 17 July 2011
This is the 6th post under this label

I'm not the type of person who would ever be jailed unless it was for a crime I didn't commit, so the only prisons I might end up in would be fictional ones. Preparing for that possibility means researching various containment units so I know what I'm getting into and... showing a preference? Well, that's as maybe. Here are five holding places from across the multiverse, in order of suitability from worst to best (in this sample).

Oz
The facts: Oswald State Correctional Facility, from the HBO television series Oz. It is a level 4 maximum-security state prison in New York, which contains an experimental unit that emphasizes rehabilitation and learning responsibility during incarceration, rather than carrying out purely punitive measures AKA Emerald City, an extremely controlled environment, with a carefully managed balance of members from each racial and social group, intended to ease tensions among these various factions. However, almost all of these factions are constantly at war with one another.
Pros: It sounds good, doesn't it? Nice clean environment. Diversity. Emphasis on the things I'd care about. Except...
Cons (ha! get it?): It's a charnel house! Anyone can get killed at a moment's notice, or abused in various ways. The experiment is a failure!
The verdict: Too real! Even if there are technically rougher prisons on this list (the next one, for example), Oz's survivability quotient is just too low, and even if you survive, the treatment by other inmates (and sometimes the screws) is plain horrific.

Rura Penthe
The facts: Rura Penthe Penal Colony Asteroid from Star Trek VI (and an episode of Enterprise), not to be confused by the prison from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. It's a Klingon work camp from which no one has ever escaped (except for a few Starfleet officers, but the Klingons don't like to talk about that).
Pros: Co-ed. Warmer inside than outside. You certainly get some exercise. Maybe the Brotherhood of Aliens can do you a solid. Strong stogie trade.
Cons: Inescapable. If you break the rules, they throw you out on the surface and you die pretty quick of exposure. Guard dogs with bad breath. Heavy labor.
The verdict: I personally wouldn't last very long - not sure anyone does - but the Trek universe is generally less gruesome than HBO's dramaverse.

Takron-Galtos
The facts: In Legion of Super-Heroes comics, the principal prison and criminal rehabilitation facility for the United Planets in the 30th Century. The planetary prison is largely automated and houses high security inmates from all across the galaxy, guarded by the Science Police. It actually exists since the 21st Century when the Guardians of the Universe and Lobo made use of it.
Pros: It's a whole planet, room to grow! Prison or not, access to all the amenities of the 30th Century, presumably.
Cons: Because a lot of felons have super-powers, those prison riots are gonna be trouble.
The verdict: It was destroyed and replaced by Labyrinth, wasn't it? Better finish my sentence before that happens.

The Phantom Zone
The facts: In Superman lore, a prison-like parallel dimension used by Krypton to humanely imprison their criminals.
Pros: While you're in there, you don't age and you can watch the real world go by as a ghost. I would just spend my time watching movies or reading over people's shoulders.
Cons: A weird and surreal sensory deprivation tank that is probably responsible for Kryptonian criminals going mad over time.
The verdict: Humane to a point. The trade-offs could be considered a curse (immortality, but no interactions with people), but if Mon-El can do it, maybe I have a shot.

The Village
The facts: Played by the Portmeiron theme park in The Prisoner, the Village is a detention community for spies (and former spies) from various countries. If you know too much, they might send you there for interrogation or simply to make you respect your NDA.
Pros: Has its own weird culture. Life-size chess. Kind of a holiday, just go with the flow. The ability to troll #2 ad infinitum.
Cons: Constant mind games, sometimes under chemical or electrical duress. Even when you think you've escape, you really haven't. Rover.
The verdict: I AM NOT A NUMBER! I AM A FREE MAN! And that's kind of how it feels. Just a holiday camp experience that's gone too long. Nice weather. Interesting people. The best choice on this particular list.

It's just the tip of the Arkham Asylum, of course. Where do you think you might end up when the Fiction Police come for you? Belle Reve (you know, there's a way you can get out...)? Shawshank? The Stormcage? The Raft? Iron Heights? Azkaban? Litchfield Correctional Facility? Let me know in the comments and I'll direct the proper authorities your way...