Saturday, January 20, 2007

Fashion Nightmares: Who's Who Vol. 10

Believe it or not, I have a quite a few regular female readers, and none of them are interested in comics. That's what I get for making friends outside of the blogosphere. And yet, they visit and would like to comment on stuff. So I agreed to put up some articles on Fashion. Well, it's gonna have to be superhero fashions, won't it?

The series I'm starting now (in parallel with all others, of course) means to look at various encyclopedia-type comics and comment on various characters' fashion sense. The comics world is repleat with bad costume designs and nothing is more shocking than female characters without an ounce of fashion sense. I picked Who's Who #10 to start because it's got so many horrendous fashion ideas.

Case in point: Gypsy. Part of the underwhelming Justice League Detroit, it's hard to believe this would be a practical choice for crime-fighting. When you're battling Despero, you shouldn't have to worry about hot pavement, losing jewelry, or upskirts. But the worst design here is actually the belt. It just doesn't look like you can bend down without stabbing yourself with the buckle.
Sometimes, a costume can be quite practical, but might just look bad. I think the Absorbascon has done an excellent job of showing why Halo is one of the worst character designs ever, but it bears rereading. As for the multi-colored unitard (which doesn't even feature each of Halo's "colors"), it wasn't that bad when she had the long hair. This haircut, however, is just awful.

There's also a matter of context. What would be fine on one hero might not look good on another. Check out Harpis of the Omega Men:
They've got an ugly gargoyle woman, and they choose to "sexy her up" with a cleavaged bathing suit! I think I'm gonna be sick.

Another alien chick that wears a one-piece bathing suit is Hawkman villain Hyathis. In her case, I don't think I can comment on the haircut, but the slippers? Yeah, that doesn't make me take you seriously no matter how many times you trounce the Justice League... unless you're into some mean kung fu. Then it's ok.

Worst female costume goes to Harlequin though. The male pattern baldness, the birthday hat, the rimless glasses, the frou-frou collar, the tutu, the Trickster's pants and the elven shoes combine in such a way as to make my eyes bleed.

And then there's the men... For example, why would Hop Harrigan smile like that when strapped up in the groin area?

And how would an 18th-century, half-Indian frontiersman take his cue from Elvis?

As you can see, not all comics characters have access to a fashion consultant, but some don't even have a proper seamstress!
And this issue of Who's Who has not just one, but 3 guys in their jammies.
I'd show you Hector Hammond too, but the poor guy can't dress himself, so I'm gonna let him off the hook here.

BONUS: PRETTY WOMAN

The best costume in the book is, in my opinion, Hawkwoman's. She's got elegance and a charming tom-boyishness to her, with a great headdress that still lets out that red hair (in comics, girls with red hair are the hottest, that's just the way it is). Just a sensible tank top, with the Hawkman logo more discretely placed on the belt. You might say those shorts look a bit loose, but it's like when your girlfriend wears your boxers. She's sexy as hell. She's a frickin' Valkyrie!

BONUS: I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' CLOTHES!

What's amazing here is not that an animal-like character should be naked, but that the Hyena is a girl. Which makes her nekkid.
Not that I get off on that kind of thing, you understand.

These things write themselves. More to come!

1 comment:

Mélanie said...

haha...wow...le gargoyle...j'pense que je vais faire des cauchemars ce soir.