Fashion Nightmares: Who's Who Vol.V

Time for DC fashions 1938-1986 volume 5 to be put under the microscope. And sometimes, villains make it too easy for wise-cracking heroes to ridicule them. Case in point: the Clock King. If the color scheme wasn't bad enough, or the clock-like scuba mask, the guy decided to cover himself with little clocks. Polka dots, huh? Yeah, ok, you can fight Green Arrow, he's not doing much else.Or is it just a tradition among time-related villains to dress garishly? Chronos should have been a Class A villain, but he insisted on wearing this. I'm not sure what's worse: ears sticking out of his mask, or stripped black and white pants. Certainly, the eyeliner on that mask is totally precious!
Speaking of garish, Who's Who volume 5 has its fair share. The Crazy Quilt, for example, was a noted painter. Possibly noted for having no aesthetic sense whatsoever!
I'm also including the Creeper here, even though I think the costume essentially "works". Ditko, like Kirby, had a way with making the visually unworkable work. But there are dissenting opinions.
Not garish, but really stupid is the Cluemaster's outfit. Just a plain orange, ill-fitting unitard and scarf to hide his face (very retro). Boots don't match, but when you shop retail, it's hard to find everything you're looking for. My big question is: If Cluemaster gets flipped upside down, does he lose all his clue capsules?
Sometimes, it's an entire culture that needs a closet expert. The Citadel seems to be positively schizophrenic when it comes to clothes. Some of them wear Prussian officer uniforms, others love the futuristic barbarian look, and others yet might just improvise boots with animal skins. Sure, Earth has an extremely eclectic style, but aren't we the only planet in the universe without a strict dress code?
Just a reminder that Crotch-Gate isn't anything new. (Though Killer Croc is the last person I would want to associate with such a thing.)

BONUS: COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

In an effort to be PC, comic book companies will often retcon a character's sexual orientation and tell us "he/(but more often she) was gay all along!!!" Maybe we never saw them romantically involved with a member of the opposite sex. Maybe they were too friendly with a same-sex team mate. Maybe they were Northstar. But what about costumes? Here are some contenders for retconned gayhood:

First up: Color Kid. I mean, come on! He wears the universal symbol for gayness on his chest! If that's not enough for you, I would ask you to remember the time he was regendered as Color Queen. 'nuff said.
What about the Construct? I'll admit that my evidence is limited to his long lashes, but maybe I'm just trying to make Red Tornado's only archenemy interesting. Who am I kidding? There's nothing remotely interesting about Reddy.
Cosmic Boy. Pink uniform. The 30th century's a progressive place, folks. It could happen.

BONUS: PRETTY WOMAN


It's not all bad... Here's a totally sexy woman buttoned up to the top. Cinnamon is GORGEOUS and she doesn't need to show any skin. You just know a redesign of the character would exclude the green shirt entirely, don't you?
That was our comic book version of What Not To Wear. On BBC2... Mark Engblom's Extreme Makeover.

4 comments:

Mark Engblom said...

Thanks for the link, Siskoid! Love the loopy villains you tracked down.

Looking at "Crazy Quilt", I realized that Jack Kirby had been sipping the "Special Kool-Aid" for a long, long time (according to Wiki, Crazy Quilt was created way back in 1946).

Don't forget the Flash villain Colonel Computron, one of the all-time worst designs of the late-period Carmine Infantino.

Siskoid said...

I omitted Computron because I would have been forced to spoil his/her identity. After all, the costume is much worse if it's a woman's!

SallyP said...

Hooboy, you think that version of Cosmic Boy is bad, you should see the Space Corset version.

Gah!

Siskoid said...

I've seen it, and all the see-through stuff the 70s Legion used to wear. Thankfully not pictured in Who's Who.

 

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