Sexy Sexy Sexy She-Hulk

Here’s a companion piece about She-Hulk’s sexualisation to Michael May’s post about She-Hulk and Sex. She wasn’t quite so promiscuous yet, but writer John Byrne still used her as a sex object. I’m talking about…

FANTASTIC FOUR #275, Marvel Comics, February 1985
In the cold winter of 1985, this one kept me warm. It's the one where a paparazzo takes a picture of a topless She-Hulk sunbathing on the roof of the Baxter Building. You don't actually see anything, but that's why you have an imagination, isn't it? And look at that, probably the first ever "breaking the fourth wall" She-Hulk cover.

So Shulkie's getting a tan (which for her must mean a slightly darker shade of green) atop the Fantastic Four's HQ, eating pretzels (She-Hulk, pretzels, there's a hidden meaning in that), and enjoying a good book, when all of a sudden, a helicopter comes around, blows her top clean off as some smarmy type takes pictures. Here's one thing you wouldn't expect Cameron Diaz or Janet Jackson to do:

And then she starts ripping stuff off the aircraft until they slam her through an office building!
Personally, that's what I would call a good day at the office, and the water cooler conversations would spin towards "where does she get those purple short shorts?" for at least a month. For She-Hulk, though, this is prelude to her having to flex some mental muscle for the rest of the issue. No biggie, she's not "slow" like her cousin. She's lawyer Jennifer Walters in real life, so she makes a few calls and tracks down the helicopter pilot.

[She-Hulk Contextual Aside: You know I'm a big fan of She-Hulk. In fact, I dare say I preferred her to the Thing in the Fantastic Four. Yes, I know, heresy. I like Ben Grimm, but faced with the choice of an orange rock monster and a green bombshell, well, orange is such a tacky color. One of the endearing things about She-Hulk is that once she went green, she didn't want to go back. She's not one to play secret identity. Screw it. Being She-Hulk is way more fun (and HOT!) than playing Ally McBeal. Which makes this issue an oddity because her McBeal persona does show up later.]

My little aside gave She-Hulk time to get to the airfield to intimidate the pilot into giving her the name of the magazine that has her pictures. Here's how you do that (in case you're ever in the situation):
The rag is The Naked Truth, a porn mag that "makes Hustler look like the Congressional Report" (oooh, Hustler got some free publicity in a Marvel comic - but then John Byrne's got a thing about porn, I'll tell you about the disturbing Superman/Big Barda video tape one day). Jennifer Walters gets an appointment with its lecherous publisher, a guy that could be played by Stan Lee if he shaved his moustache.

He tells She-Hulk's lawyer (wink wink) that the issue is already at the printers, and the money he's getting is safe and sound in his office safe (like the slime he is, he doesn't keep it in the bank). But he doesn't want to waste Jen's visit so he makes her an offer she can't refuse:
He wants her to get out of her clothes? Fine, she HULKS OUT, ripping her suit to shreds (whoooo) revealing her FF uniform underneath (boooo). Then she squishes his safe into a perfect ball ("I'm not going to break open your safe. I'm going to improve it for you."), hands it to him and leaves. At least she's got her dignity, right?

As the magazine sees print, guess what, they couldn't believe the girl was supposed to be green, so they color-corrected it! (Byrne even references the print of Star Trek's make-up tests which kept coming back flesh tones, which makes him one of us geeks.)
"You can't even tell it's me!" cries a happy She-Hulk. Of course, the Human Torch has some green-tinted glasses somewhere... Tried it, you still can't see nuthin'. Even so, it's another reason Byrne's years on Fantastic Four rocked.