Vampirella Does Morrison

VAMPIRELLA: THE NEW MONTHLY #4, Harris Comics, February 1998
Vampires are a metaphor for sex. That's probably the most obvious thing I've ever said. And I've said stuff like "I am a windbag" in these very pages! And while a lot of vampire literature and cinema has tended towards the romantic (read: chick flicks) or homoerotic (read: chick flicks), there are a couple of examples that are for the guys. One is Sarah Michelle Geller, and the other is Vampirella.

Vampirella is an alien vampire (where she comes from, there are rivers of blood) so not really vulnerable to the usual vampire weaknesses like mirrors, garlic, and being played by Tom Cruise. And since vampires are about sex, she has one of the skimpiest costumes in the history of comics, and isn't afraid to get on all fours and skank up the page. You're seeing the back of her suit on the cover, but here's the front:
If you blinked and missed it, here it is again (common mistake, don't worry):
Somehow, Grant Morrison got roped into writing a 7-issue run on Vampirella: The New Monthly, probably because Mark Millar couldn't be trusted to write it himself, as often seems to be the case. It's actually pretty entertaining, t&a aside. The trick? Vampirella goes Buffy. There's this Sisterhood of vampire slayers that really know how to rock the Anti-Vatican, and of course, Vampirella joins the order. How good are these chicks?
Well, they know where to put their crucifixes, for one thing! Holy Water squirt guns? Check. Chastity latex suits, both seamless and impenetrable? Check. Microspores that secrete a synthetic garlic oil? Check. Lesbian encounters in the shower? Check. That's what vampires (and Halloween) are all about.

2 comments:

FoldedSoup said...

I didn't know this existed! Thanks for that!

(Might be a X-Mass gift for the Buffy-lovin' recently discovered Morrison Roller Girl!)

Jayunderscorezero said...

Still not sure I could bring myself to ever actually buy an issue of Vampirella, and I'm someone who has issues of both Tarot and Cavewoman lying around (unfortunately). Still, if one thing would convince me, it'd likely be cross-heeled vampire hunters. I mean, that's just clever.

 

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