Spaceknight Saturdays: Stuff the Neutralizer Does

Rom #29 teaches us a bunch of stuff about the Spaceknight's neutralizer, which is a good thing because it also recaps, like, 3 issues of the Incredible Hulk, in case we weren't reading that title for the last 5 years (we weren't).

To recap only the last ISSUE, this story entitled "Even a Spaceknight Can Cry!" (they really can't), is an emo-fest featuring Starshine's funeral and Rom's leaving Brandy and love matters behind ("yay" says Steve, though he feels like a "louse" for doing so).

Tell me, is there much of a call for caskets with window panes?
I guess when the dearly departed isn't expected to decompose... The spaceknight's version of the Klingon Death Yell:
Neutralizer Function #1: Casting Dire Wraiths down into Limbo.
Neutralizer Function #2: Lighting a candle for the dead.
Neutralizer Function #3: Turning a spaceknight husk into pure soul.
Sorry folks, I know you went through all that trouble digging a grave and installing a window, but...

Anyway, Rom feels real sorry for himself and how loving him has brought death to so many people. There's Ray-Na and Starshine and... Firefall, and Terminator and the Prime Director (not that there's anything wrong with that). What's he doing now? Oh, Lord, Rom, nooooo!!!
Oh wait, that's just the analyzer, not the neutralizer. Phew! The analyzer: Great for spotting Sire Wraiths. Not so great for answering questions like "What kind of being am I to inspire such love?" I wonder if it can check your blood pressure.

Rom next spots a mining town emanating deadly radiation. Heading there, he finds Lucifer Falls in ruins, radioactive gases seeping out of the earth. Quick question: Why would anyone want to live in Lucifer Falls? 1) It's got an evil name, certainly too evil for Virginians; 2) it is nowhere near any falls or even a stream, which should have been a tip-off; and 3) RADIOACTIVE GASES SEEPING THROUGH THE EARTH! (Ok, ok, that last one is a recent addition, and what finally drove most folks out of there.) So what happened?

The Hulk happened. A fight with a radioactive monster contaminated the whole area and gave everyone instant cancer. Only one family remains and Rom puts them out of their misery...
Neutralizer Function #4: Neutralizing diseases. Yes, because diseases ARE energy (??!).

So taking things from Incredible Hulk #179 (in stores then!), Rom heads down into the mines to see what's up. The Hulk is long gone, but his opponent, the Missing Link, is still there, radiating death. Not quite Marvel Universe Deluxe material, so you might not know who he is. His origin is simple:
Simple and pretty poetic. Inevitably, he comes across the Hulk (in Incredible Hulk #105-106), who promptly hits him so hard he breaks into a million pieces!
Reforming (literally and figuratively) in Lucifer Falls, he becomes a coal miner under the name Lincoln, well accepted by the community despite looking like a Deviant, and until Bruce Banner walks into town. Banner figures out that the radiation poisoning a kid called Jimmy-Jack (if that's his name, radiation sickness is the least of his problems) is coming from the big brute and all hell breaks loose. Now, the Link is going into meltdown and Rom thinks he might blow up the Earth itself (drama queeeeeeeeeen!).

One simple solution. If you've been following this post careful you know what it is. Neutralizer Func---
No wait, he wasn't going to use it as a weapon! This being the Marvel Universe, even the nicest of guys have to fight. The battle sets radioactive fire to the coal gas, making the town above sink and erupt like its name would imply (Advantage: Satan).
So as I was saying... Neutralizer Function #5: Taking away the Link's radioactive powers AND his memory of being a menace.
Our story ends with Rom laying all the blame at the giant feet of the Hulk. The Green Goliath was framed, I tell ya! Will Rom and Hulk ever meet? I can't wait for Mantlo to put those two tastes together in one delicious cup-shaped candy!*

*Incredible Hulk #296 seems so far away right now.

2 comments:

rob! said...

nice to see Rom has found work as Obama's chief of staff.

Siskoid said...

Yes, the geekstorm nexus between Rom Spaceknight and Josh Lyman.

 

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