What is Rom's greatest wish? Let's try a Top 10:10. Brandy
9. A lifetime supply of turtle wax
8. To be loved for who he is
7. Covers also inked by Akin & Garvey
6. Brandy
5. That Steve and Brandy break up
4. That Marvel get his license back
3. Brandy
2. To rid the universe of the Dire Wraiths' malevolent taint (what? this is only #2? but... but...)
and 1. His damn humanity back!
Now see what dangers lie when #1 trumps #2... And it all starts when Dr. Strange sends Rom back to Earth from the Deranged Dimension to a Wraith activity hotspot known as the USSR!
Oh 1983! Back when we didn't know what was behind the Iron Curtain! Actually, it's the site of a nuclear test (oh 1983!). But when the radioactive wasteland gives way to a lush garden, Rom is surprised to find all the beautiful people dancing and getting cocktails served in coconuts at the Geiger Counter.
Seems like they were there when the nuclear accident happened, but survived the initial blast. Hoping to carry their cancer to safety didn't work however, because the Reds are EVIL (or so says my good friend, 1983):
Turning back, they found a cave in which they took refuge, and from which they awoke refreshed, repaired, cured and immune to fallout. They convince Rom he could be made human again, and out go his thoughts of #2. Wish #1 is at hand! Going down the cave, he finds an artificial intelligence housed there, the AI responsible for giving those poor Russkie peasants their lives back - Quasimodo!
A deal is struck. In exchange for cloning Rom a new human body, Quasimodo wants to inhabit the Spaceknight armor and get mobile again. Chase after the Esmeraldas of this world again, that kind of thing.
Wow, another gorgeously inked page. Of course, Quasimodo is in league with the Wraiths, and once Rom is under, they throw all sorts of abuse on his prone form: spitting at him, kicking him, spraying shaving cream on him, writing foul mirror words in magic marker on his forehead...
Then Quasimodo takes a sample of Rom's DNA and grows him a new body into which is uploaded his soul.
Yes, human! And what are you gonna do with all that humanity? How about... run around naked? Yes, that's what being human is all about.
But that means the Hunchback of Cyber Space now wears the Galadorian armor! And he's coming agfter Rom's pink behind!
Rom's long-term thinking? EPIC FAIL!
Comments
Regarding issue #42: I like to think Rom's failure to resist Quasimodo's temptation is a consequence of his encounter with the Dweller on the Threshold in the previous issue.