Picard Better Than Kirk? (Round 2)

I thought I'd post the rest of my "original content" Top 40 Reasons Why Picard Is Better Than Kirk, for posterity, if you will. WARNING: 15-YEAR-OLD JOKES AHEAD!

1. Real men don't wear wigs.
2. The Picard Maneuver can save your ship; the Kirk maneuver only gets you slapped in the face.
3. Picard doesn't leer like a schoolboy every time he sees someone in a skirt.
4. Picard didn't get killed first time out of the Nexus.
5. Turns out Picard DOESN'T have bastard children.
6. Picard has an office.
7. Picard's room is huge.
8. Picard never let his ship be taken over by Space Hippies.
9. Picard wasn't in Star Trek V.
10. Picard's Enterprise is the flagship of the Federation; Kirk's Enterprise is just an exploration vessel on the fringe.
11. Picard understood the Tamarians (Shaka, when the walls fell); Kirk understood the Horta (No kill I).
12. Picard is a skilled musician; best Kirk ever did was whistles and cat calls.
13. Picard handled Q many times; Kirk had to have his bacon pulled out of the fire by Trelaine's parents.
14. Picard took a knife through the heart and loved it so much, he went back in time to do it again!
15. Doctor Crusher - Yeoman Rand: No comparison.
16. Picard's body was never taken over by a woman.
17. Picard doesn't walk around in his jammies (well, not on the bridge).
18. Picard is the ONLY captain on his ship.
19. Patrick Stewart's acting is always praised; William Shatner's, often ridiculed.
20. Picard has over 1000 people under his command; Kirk a measly 400.
21. Picard had boy genius Wesley Crusher on the bridge; Kirk had the fifth member of the Monkees.
22. Picard went undercover as a smuggler/archaeologist; Kirk as a Nazi (says it all).
23. Picard's first officer doesn't play a wimpy instrument like the harp.
24. Picard's ship computers can have conversations in complete sentences.
25. Stars never "streaked" on Kirk's Enterprise proving his "warp speed" is really Picard's impulse.
26. 103 more episodes.
27. Compare diplomatic conferences held aboard ships: Sarek almost killed on Kirk's Enterprise; Sarek would not even have been able to conduct negotiations without Picard's help.
28. Speaking of which, Picard was able to9 endure powerful Vulcan emotions; Kirk hardly able to control his own.
29. An incompetent commodore or admiral didn't come on board Picard's ship every other week to take over.
30. Picard never court-martialed nor demoted.
31. Data more accurate than Spock by 0.00006%.
32. Working under Picard fulfilling; working under Kirk usually means you're a secretary, phone operator or "red shirt".
33. Picard not a self-serving, bible-thumping, anachronistic patriot.
34. Picard's girlfriends good-looking even without soft lighting.
35. Patrick Stewart a sex symbol despite his appeareance.
36. Picard wasn't in "Spock's Brain".
37. Not as many pages on Kirk on the Internet.
38. Kirk says: "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
39. Picard is friends with more than two of his officers.
And the clincher...
40. Picard never split his pants on screen.

Ah yes, well, there is that.


De said...

Further rebuttal:


CalvinPitt said...

True, Picard never had a woman take over his body, but he did get mind-controlled into attacking his current ship with his old ship. Didn't his ship get taken over by those oddball binary people? I'd think Space Hippies would be more fun, personally. Bet those binary people had never even heard of hackey-sacks.

Anyway, we all know Sisko was cooler than both of them. He doesn't waste time verbally sparring with Q; he just busts him in the mouth.

I can never decide who was better, actually. I like Kirk's do it yourself attitude, but I can see why it's better for the Captain to stay on the sip and take the long view, plus Picard had some really impressive speeches (I had to get a bit older before I could appreciate that, though).

Siskoid said...

So did Kirk though. "Risk is our business" being a particular favorite.

I'm a Sisko man, of course (I think it shows), but it's true that when comparing Kirk and Picard, it's almost an apples and oranges thing.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Ah, Sisko could make both of them his bitch.

LiamKav said...

I dunno. Neither Kirk nor Picard did that weird stilited high-pitched speaking when they were impassioned that Sisko had a tendancy to do.

mwb said...

Hmm, Kirk's ship eaten by a space amoeba.

And Picard's humped by a space squid.

Winner Sisko!

Anonymous said...

Captain Kathryn Janeway is my captain. She had to uphold the ideals of the Federation even when the was no oversight and the actions less than expedient.


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