Reign of the Supermen #238: Super-Caveman

Source: World's Finest Comics #138 (1963)
Type: DisguiseFour years before yesterday's story took place, science was actually in better shape. To find primitive homo sapiens, we'll actually go back 50,000 years, a world populated by woolly rhinos and sabertooth tigers rather than thunder lizards. Not to say "The Secret of the Captive Cavemen" is water-tight...

It starts in Gotham City when Batman & Robin come across an alien invasion. The alien takes a suicide pill rather than be captured (harsh!), but not before revealing that his people can fly back in time to grab primitive humans who will better succumb to their "Z-beam". The Dynamic Duo enlist the aid of Superman and they all meet up in prehistory (Batman knows this time machine inventor, long story...). They get there with time to spare and take pains disguising themselves as cave people.
Animal hair and glue, wanton destruction of so-called invulnerable costumes, and acting dumb are all part of the ruse. But not actually dressing up in skins. That would be silly.

The aliens arrive, Z-beam everyone and get them aboard their spaceship, including our heroes. It flies back to the present and to a planet (with a red sun, haha Superman) where they are all forced to mine "drakkium" which kryptonite to the aliens, until refined when it becomes kryptonite to everybody else. Good thing there's an indigenous dogosaurus to pull the World's Finest heroes out of danger!
Having discovered the aliens are rebels to their own people, the next step is to break their hold over the cave people. Superman finds a copse of hairy trees which gives him an idea that cannot fail:
An amazing likeness and in so little time too. Superman should work on the Walking with series (and instead of bringing a camera into prehistory, he would of course build giant life-like puppets with found materials). Then they defeat the aliens and get the rightful government to bring them back to the past, making sure my ancestor is on Earth so I can eventually be born (thanks!) before walking into the project accelerator... and vanishing!

4 comments:

Dale Bagwell said...

It was the silver-age man, of course Superman could whip up a life-like replica of a Sabertooth tiger with some dead trees. That's why he's called Superman right? Damn that was a crazy time period huh? Of course if it was done know, Batman would've won the whole thing, with Superman supplying the muscle.

Siskoid said...

Well, where do you think they got the glue from?

Dale Bagwell said...

It's either Bat-Glue or Super-Spit, take your pick. Now that I just typed super-spit, numerous porn scenes come to mind. Uh-Oh!

Anonymous said...

I like to think they got their glue from the dairy protein casein, just so there would be scenes of them frantically milking space monsters.

 

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