Is Halo Capable of Love? (Part 1)

Batman and the Outsiders 11 - Pages 5-10
Sorry gamer nerds, this isn't the Master Chief fanfic you've been looking for... It's far worse. We're about to find out what Katana and Geo-Force went to buy in the deep of the night in one of Gotham's least reputable neighborhoods (which is really saying something).
You ready for this? Please evaluate if, given Halo's apparent unfamiliarity with such things as FOOD, the following reaction makes any sense:
So Halo knows what a kitten or a even a pet is? Gotham's school system is a lot better than I might have thought! Oh Lord, did Katana just open the door to Halo NAMING him?
Tiger? That's not too bad. If Halo knows what a tiger is. She probably does by now. Batman invested heavily in Safari Cards (remember those?) to get Gabrielle up to basic human level. And off flighty Gabby goes to pet that cat all through the night. Note how Katana didn't bring home any food, or a litter box. Bruce Wayne is in for a nice surprise when he eventually repossesses his penthouse apartment. A surprise that might very well include a dead kitten. (I hate dead cat jokes, but we have to face facts here: The least functional person on the planet has just been entrusted with a pet and none of the things you would normally get at the pet store at the same time. That's what happens when you go the pet store in the bad part of town. And when I say store, I probably mean "guy with a trenchcoat on the corner selling contraband kittens". It's obvious that Katana doesn't know ANYTHING about cats or taking care of them:
Calling it "the creature" is a dead giveaway. And it seems like the gift is a purely selfish gesture to keep Halo out of her affairs. Pleasure? Please, stop making us think there's something going on with Geo-Force!
Mostly, it's to keep Halo's mind off the fact Katana talks to her sword. Especially since the sword can't be discreet. In a dark room, it asks Katana if it's her, so if it WEREN'T, that would be the end of that secret. (What? You're saying the sword can only communicate with Katana? Well, why does it need to ask who's there if it's in telepathic contact with her? So many questions, but the answer, as usual, seems to be that Barr didn't think things through.) Don't know if the kitten's been taken care of yet, but the sword definitely has NEEDS.
CLEAN MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Considering there's a person or persons in there, giving it a good rub is a rather disturbing proposition. What gets it dirty anyway? Katana never uses it to slice anyone open, it's always slaps with the flat side of the blade. Let's wipe those pieces of lint off then...

Now for some ninja action.
Gotham's polluted pink skies are lit by a full moon somewhere behind the Wayne Foundation building...
Wrong! It's now in front of it! Well, don't ask me to explain the lighting in these scenes. Somehow, the moon, wherever it is, is acting like a spotlight, casting a circular light through square windows. Or does she have an overhead lamp in her praying chamber, one that Mr. Ninja completely misses when he says there's no lighting inside the building? As for the unstealthy way he opens those patio doors, the less said about the gesture the better. Let's just sit quietly and enjoy the Jim Aparo action.
They superficially bleed on both sides! One of them in fluorescent green! And oh crap, they woke Halo up. And things were superficially going so well. Katana is quick to let Halo know that she doesn't WANT her help.
That's her shorter blade, right there, criminally thrown in Halo's direction. You could have killed the kitty! The kitty with so much resolve it doesn't immediately sprint out of Halo's hands, scratching her up but good. As a cat owner, I will tell you right now that Jim Aparo likely WASN'T. Halo, of course, doesn't get her roommate's message (bet it's the same with socks on the doorknob). She gets her uniform on and gets involved, spouting her two catch phrases:
1. I don't know what's going on.
And 2. Oops.
Don't you just love how Halo fires a heat beam into the apartment when she admittedly doesn't know where Katana is? Sure, it's in the direction shuriken were thrown, but as the last weapon thrown was Katana's... Halo's such an incompetent superhero that for her next trick, she conveniently forgets she's got an aura that makes her invisible and opts to use her weakness - visibility (i.e. being present) - into an advantage. Sort of.
Can being super-visible really be an advantage? Not when it prevents you from using any other power!
Dumbass. Not sure it's all her fault. After all, Mike Barr's directing her actions and this is the best he's come up with to get a powerhouse like Halo to fall to a normal guy. Another example of laziness: Not finishing sentences.
Don't try to WHAT exactly? Use your powers in the stupidest possible way? And can WHAT exactly? If you don't change your glow aura, what can you hope to accomplish once the guy turns his back? DUMB DUMB DUMB. Bring Tiger in, it's got a better chance of ending this fight. But since this is the Outsiders, no feline outside help is allowed and the heroes MUST fail.
Not only that, but the villain needs to be just as ineffective at his real goal. Just as the Masters of Disaster were assassins incapable of completing a contract, this dude's a ninja that uses his sword to slap you instead of cut you. And despite the fact that part of his agenda is killing Katana...
That's right. He holds off. There are more satisfying ways to do it. Really, dude? You just won a sword fight. What else are you looking for? Stop reading Barr's script and do what you know you WANT to do!

And I'll do just that. Until next time, that is, when I'll pick up Barr's script again. Stay tuned because it's not just the battle's aftermath, it's also pages and pages of high school drama!


Boosterrific said...

I've never managed to forgive Batman for leaving the JLA for this.

Siskoid said...

Clearly, he wanted a team he could put down and demoralize.

Teebore said...

And off flighty Gabby goes to pet that cat all through the night.

Let's just hope she avoids a "Lennie and the rabbits" thing.


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