Friday, December 21, 2012

Is Halo Capable of Love? (Part 2)

Batman and the Outsiders 11 - Pages 11-15
Again, Master Chief/Cortana shippers, this is not what this article is about, but thanks for stopping by anyway. It's the Outsiders' Halo, not Bungee's. But before we get to whether or not she has feeeeelings, we've got to extricate ourselves from the Japanese fighting sequence from last time. The world's least assassiny ninja's just left Katana for unconscious and is doing a bit of sword shuffling. Katana' sword doesn't want to play with Laertes Takeo, but it will... it WILL.
Exit ninja (aircraft? lines from other buildings? that would be telling and we can't reveal ninja secrets), re-enter Proty.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's Halo's hair. She wakes up from having been trounced by her own stupidity (see previous chapter). To her credit, she heads straight for Katana's mangled body. If she'd really fallen in that position, I think her wrist would have been broken and those shadows would be a pool of blood. But: Superheroes.
It's not as bad as it looks, and it's a good thing. Because it looks like those are Crisis skies and that's when B-list heroes tend to die the most easily. Lucky us, nothing like that happens. But heroes can be destroyed in other ways. Like our losing confidence in them.
LIES!!! Katana's a big fat liar. Also a deluded one if she expects Gabrielle to sleep a wink after a night like that.
MORE LIES!!! She's not gonna call Batman! He's just going to berate her something fierce for, you know, losing the source of her powers, letting an intruder hurt his adopted daughter, and tear up a perfectly good uniform. But enough of this. I promised you a few pages of high school action, so let's get to it. Let me transport you to the yellow and red Lego high school where Black Lightning teaches (inexplicably, the same high school turns into marble white palisades when Halo attends, don't turn it into some kind of commentary)...
Jefferson "Black Lightning" Pierce has the kind of homeroom class that drives lesser men to go back to college after 2 years, where students set their desks on fire with lighting fluid or, actually, play loud music in class! Oh the horror! At least BL has a defender, but this Luther kid is bad news. (So close to Luthor, he almost had to be.)
I don't know what a "pigeon" is supposed to be, but you gotta love Jonelle. She physically DREADS to see Mr. Pierce annoyed or humiliated. And Pierce is pretty upbeat even though he has thing soul-crushing job (being in a team led by Batman, though teaching Shakespeare to kids like Luther looks pretty rough too). Things haven't been fun for him or for us with his depressing subplot about having killed a young girl by accident. Is it a coincidence that he's picked a word from a suicide speech as his example du jour?
Oh drat, Jonelle was right. There's gonna be trouble. But even in the early 80s, discipline in the classroom had eroded. That cola's obviously been used as a pee can.
Please say "but I can electrocute you", please, please, please.
Awww. Well, at least there's an electrical short involved. I'm pretty sure a teacher can vandalize a student's property either. I guess Luther can afford to lose a radio. He can hock his magic gold amulet to pay for a new one. Man, is that thing ON FIRE?
So yeah, that whole story about the Masters of Disaster hired to kill Black Lightning by the dead girl's parents who eventually forgive him when he kinda saves their lives, sorta? It's given him his groove back. We're supposed to believe he "spooked" in class when a bad seed talked out of turn? Really? What kind of mental fortitude was Batman looking for in his teammates? Ones easy to break, looks like. Meanwhile, on the side of the school where the rich kids go...
Halo's friend April proves how dumb she must be by asking Halo - HALO who until recently didn't know what FOOD was - to copy her homework. Slow clap, April, slow clap. But hold on, a guest star is about to join Halo (played by Busy Phillips) and April. It's... PHIL COLLINS?!?!
Parents must've been big Flaming Youth fans. It can't be Genesis unless these kids are younger than they look (the year is 1984). Phil and Halo have the same geometry class, which is why he's angling for her table.
Sigh. She keeps making these promises she can't keep. Phil, in fact, talks to her, with less than deadly consequences.
An example to young girls everywhere, Halo immediately offers to do the boy's homework. But hasn't she ruined enough people's grades already? So once April's done a disappearing act, Phil asks Halo out on a date. But just when you thought you were watching Freaks and Geeks...
...you realize it's actually Glee. Hey, it might be a fun date if Halo knew what a musical was, or what a date was. She says yes, but...
...she seems a bit too sure that Katana will give her permission. That's if Batman doesn't butt in with a mission. The music hall is likely to get attacked by the Fiddler or somebody and that'll be that. No date for you. Still, it's an exciting moment for a young girl with amnesia.
Wow, did Halo really wear that business suit to school? My enjoyment of Jim Aparo not withstanding, he doesn't really know what the kids are wearing these days, does he? So where's Katana anyway?
She's left a goodbye note. Now that's how you leave a teenager and a kitten to fend for themselves. No dinner in the fridge. No emergency phone numbers. No book that explains your sex life. I can relate to this. Don't ask.

Where has Katana gone? Well, that seems a little obvious, but in our next installment, we'll follow her there anyway.

6 comments:

Boosterrific said...

I'm left wondering: do we really live in a world where Legion of Super-Pets mascot Proty is more recognizable than Halo, who has prominently co-stared in, what, nearly 100 issues plus crossovers? If so, damn! It kind of damages your respect for Batman, doesn't it? (Hard to reconcile this team's oft-absent Batman with the god-like being in charge of Morrison's JLA a few years later, huh?)

Siskoid said...

To me, it's a matter of who I WANT to see. I see Proty everywhere. Heck, he's a shape-shifter. I see Halo nowhere.

Martin Gray said...

She was bereft of a brain, but I always liked Halo. Katana, though, what a bore!

Siskoid said...

She's peppy enough. My editorial voice dislikes her far more than I actually do. In real life, I'm mostly ambivalent. Shhh, don't tell Teebore.

Teebore said...

Hey, it might be a fun date if Halo knew what a musical was, or what a date was.

Thankfully, she'll at least be hip to the "food" portion of the date.

In real life, I'm mostly ambivalent. Shhh, don't tell Teebore.

Nah, that makes sense. It's pretty hard to work up much energy to care about her one way or the other.

Siskoid said...

Thanks, I knew you'd understand.