Third Time's the Charm, Lucky for the Outsiders the First Two Times Weren't Lethal

Batman and the Outsiders Annual #1 - Pages 35-40
The Outsiders have freed themselves at last and they get a rematch with the Force of July, because no one told them best 2 out of 3 meant you never played the 3rd match.
You tell 'im, Geo-Force, you monarchist, you! Metamrpho becomes a human tank for the occasion, a form he'll give up as soon as you've read the panel, but I guess it's faster than... no it's not faster than running. Well maybe it is. Black Lightning WAS an Olympic athlete, after all. Speaking of BL, has he learned anything from fighting and losing to Silent Majority twice in a row? Like maybe leaving Silent Majority to someone else?
So he did learn something. Of course, this is a guy who used to have his own solo book where he fought groups of guys all the time. You'd think these tricks would have occurred to him earlier. How about that Metamorpho/Sparkler rematch everyone's been asking for?*
*No one's actually been asking for it.
Last time, Rex turned himself into flammable hydrogen and almost got fried, so what's his encore? Gasoline? Flash paper? A pile of rubber tires?
Magnesium in fire: A blinding flash and apparently a blast of concussive force. That's 2 down already! Why can't the Outsiders fight like this all the time? Halo didn't do so well against Lady Liberty first time around, but I bet she knows how to use her powers now.
And the Frenchie is coughed right out of action. Well, SOMEBODY (Mike Barr) has never smoked a Gitane. French lungs can take a lot more punishment. That's three down. Now for Katana vs. Mayflower. Will our hero use her big knives to cut grass this time?
Not quite. But who doesn't love a swift kick to the head? I do have to wonder what that seed Mayflowe made grow was doing under a cave inside a mountain. How did it get there? Did Blairman throw some on the ground before having the floor put it for just such an occasion? Why not just have potted plants? Four down, and the strongest left to go. Now it all hinges on... Geo-Force? Damn it.
Geo-Force - Rage monster. Nope, not buying it.
Eeech, that's the kind of move that can bring a mountain down on your head. Lucky the script doesn't require it... yet!
So that's five down. But wait, there are two more villains no were thinking of. Oh the untold damage they could do with their media technology! Quick before they send pictures of the Earth to aliens who want our water!
How an athlete/English teacher can tell just what Ms. Blairman did to computer where there's no read-out, label or even keyboard is anyone's guess. Never mind the fact that destroying the satellite seems redundant now that she's just blown the Omni-Cast. The machine that has the special, unique STAR Labs circuit is right in this room (page 31), so hasn't the threat actually been averted? And she's just an ordinary woman, especially now that her gear is dead, so... did she really deserve to be tasered?
Oh, I guess the delete functions are still available, but no, someone could not use the frequency without that MacGuffin, BL. You're just drumming up suspense for no reason, while Blairman is still free to move around and shoot you in the back.
So ok, only the self-destruct switch was blown (what was the point of having one then?) and BL can do any damn thing he wants with the satellite. If you can lower its orbit, you can just make it crash to Earth, or send it into outer space, or whatever. Or how about calling the Justice League who ARE in orbit to give it a quick blast of heat vision? Instead, BL green-lights Geo-Force's plan to fly into space inside a gross Metamorpho suit. Can he survive the cold though? THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
Geo-Force is about to save the day (sort of, the day isn't in any great danger), so I'm just gonna make it go by as fast as I can by reproducing the entire page. Besides, it's got one of those unusual Jerome Moore layouts. I don't know what it means exactly, but looks nicer as a whole:
With all the space junk out there, how DID they spot the right one so easily? Is there really nothing else in such a low orbit? And while Geo-Force is saving the day, the ONE GUY he beat isn't so beaten at all. GF will never get that MVP award now!
Major Victory brings down the mountain, and though Lightning wants to pull the unconscious bad guys out of there, there's just no time. I mean, I can't even tell what's going on in all the chaos. Can you?
I guess Major Victory would have survived, but the others? They somehow do. Except the Blairmans (Blairmen? Blairpeople?), I think. BUT LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN AND TRY TO AVOID RESPONSIBILITY!
That's right. And now because it's Christmas Eve, and as if I'd planned it this way all along, here's the Star of Bethlehem.
But if you think it's over, you haven't asked the REALLY IMPORTANT question: Will Halo make it to her date on time?!

A mercifully brief epilogue.


Matt Celis said...

The Outsiders are so much more awesome without Batman around. Does Mike Barr write anything these days?

Siskoid said...

I believe he's working on novels now. His last DC (and comics) work isn't so long ago. He did a Retro Batman'80 special in 2011 and even some Outsiders work the year before.


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