10½ Godzilla Fantasy Matches

Yesterday, Godzilla went up against basketball hero Charles Barkley. Today, he's going to fight his way through 10½ opponents from outside the Toho canon.

He's already fought Kong, so the only Rampage character he still needs to face is the absurd giant werewolf. Just a warm-up, you understand. Let the fur fly.

Turtle Boy
While Gamera isn't a Toho property, a GZ/Gamera fight seems entirely too obvious. Pitting him against a transformed Jimmy Olsen however, THAT'S something I want to see. Why aren't DC movies more like this? Oh right, because they're ashamed of superheroes, just like the Roland Emerich 1999 Godzilla movie was ashamed to be a giant monster film.

 Jimmy gave it the old college try until his powers faded, but as long as he's in the DCU, the God we call Zilla might as well tag team another DC giant. And who could resist a fight between a giant radioactive lizard and an animated tank of slowish chemicals? Whoever wins, the Earth loses! Can you say environmental disaster?

Space Whale
To mix things up, a threat from the sky with Marvel Studios' alien "space whale", the same that laid waste to New York. Since the Avengers defeated a number of them, it's not a huge challenge for our hero, but he gets squeezed from below by a...

The Whoniverse has a space whale too, but it's a goodie. No, instead, GZ gets attacked from the ground by the ugliest, biggest sandworm of them all. Beware hand puppets with actual canine jaws! At the very least, they can have a scream-off.

Godzilla enters the mythical portion of the contest with a giant troll from Troll Hunter. My pal Marty has been encouraging me to see this film for a while now, and for some reason, I thought it was something like Leprechaun, with some sort of short troll. Research for this article proved how wrong I was and now I need to see this movie! (Whether Godzilla is in it or not.)

Fin Fang Foom

Marvel Comics has many giant monsters, most from late 50s, but none with the staying power of Fin Fang Foom. I'm actually surprised he never showed up in Marvel's Godzilla comics. It's a fight for the ages and winner takes those blue shorts! What would FFF get if HE won? Guys, you're in the wrong frame of mind if you ask that question.

The Colossus of Rhodes

You know what has untapped potential? Godzilla's been around since primeval Earth, and yet we haven't seen him destroy cities in other eras. Godzilla attacking Rhodes and having to fight a giant bronze warrior? NO BRAINER.

Godzilla rolls SAN. Godzilla gets mad. It's a cosmic god of chaos and madness vs. a force of freakin' nature. Both live under the sea, so they probably already have a rivalry going. Watch the tentacles, Big G! There's no way this isn't awesome.

I could have put a lot of robots/mechs on this list, but the bottom line is that watching Pacific Rim, all you ever want to see is a Jaeger going up against Godzilla instead of those generic alien kaiju. My choice: A Canadian model because there just aren't enough Godzilla battles in snow, not NEARLY enough. And after all the other giants are down, Godzilla strides over the smoking Jaeger parts and gets himself some breakfast.

Egg Fu
Not only is Egg Fu a giant egg, but he comes by the dozen. Breakfast of champions. And well deserved, my green friend. SKREEEE-ONNNGKKKK!!!!


SallyP said...

God, I do love Fin Fang Foom.

Jeff R. said...

nNeeds Mr Mind from the end of 52 as a Mothra-substitute...

Shining Knight said...

That isn't the Colossus of Rhodes. It's Talos, the guardian of Crete who was defeated by Jason and the Argonauts.

Siskoid said...

Jeff: That would indeed be cool.

Knight: Sure, but I have him PLAYING the Colossus of Rhodes in the movie ;-)

Andrew Gilbertson said...

His career was sadly truncated following Jason and the Argonauts; is he still acting these days?


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