In the black corner... it's Batman and Plastic Man, written by Bob Haney and drawn by Nick Cardy, Brave and the Bold #95, "C.O.D. Corpse on Delivery".
In the orange corner... we have the Thing and Namor the Sub-Mariner, written by Marv Wolfman and drawn by Ron Wilson and Josh Tartag, Marvel Two-in-One #28, In the Power of the Piranha!
Taking the plunge... DING DING DING! (Oops, mixed metaphor!)
Batman, International Man of Mystery (he even gets called that) is pretty pimp in this story. The ladies certainly love him, there's no denying it, and on the basis that he must train EVERY skill to peak human perfection, he cab get through a mean tongue-twister.
The Thing, is the opposite of a ladies' man. He has ONE lady, and she's blind, which is perhaps why their dates are so freaking HORRIBLE. So like, sure, he's bringing her to London, but with a cyborg zombie rotting at the back of the cabin.
Sorry about the spoiler! The issue's cover plays coy about who Batman's co-star is, and in the story, we don't find out until the climax, but we're about transparency here! At first, Plas is in the background, wearing clothes so we can't identify him, acting as Batman's guardian angel.
Namor is so completely hardcore that when he gets jumped by old foe the Piranha, he spikes the sucker and leaves him for dead.
Ruby Ryder - and does Haney have a thing for bejeweled names, or what? Plas and Ruby and kind of Metamorpho and Sapphire gone wrong - is quite the villain. She's super-rich; puts a giant double R on all her stuff, including buildings and island retreats; oh yeah, and she's a cold as ice:
The Piranha was a lame Sub-Mariner villain last seen being devoured by his pet piranha in Sub-Mariner #71 three years earlier. Well guess what. All those nasty little fish have grown up and eating of their master has turned them into bad Doctor Who monsters (specifically, toothy Silurians). So even when Namor kills the one trying to stretch his mouth of her head, there are more. In fact, they've got a whole civilization down there, one where they force superheroes' girlfriends to watch their men fight each other to the death in gladiatorial combat.
Odds vs. Ends
From Brave and the Bold:
-That upside down panel gave me the spins. -1 Bat-point
From Marvel Two-in-One:
-Reed Richards thinks Jaime Sommers is a TV doctor, apparently.
-I like how the creative felt the need to justify Namor's winged flight power, which does seem odd for an aquatic hero. How? Visually:
Farewells and Scoring
Friendly farewell: Batman is hopeful, but Plastic Man is filled with angst.
Unfriendly farewell: Namor is so high on life in this issue, he robs us of the expected unfriendliness.
Oh crap! Namor beaten by Plastic Man 17 to 19? It happened! And so Batman and his allies net a third victory in a row. Can Benji break the cycle? Next time, he DOES team up with one of my favorite 70s Marvel characters, so there's a chance. It'll be all-out war!