In the black corner... it's Batman and Wildcat, written by Bob Haney and drawn by Bob Brown and Nick Cardy, Brave and the Bold #97, "The Smile of Choclotan!".
In the orange corner... we have the Thing and Spider-Woman, written by Marv Wolfman and drawn by John Buscema and Pablo Marcos, Marvel Two-in-One #30, Battle Atop Big Ben!
... DING DING DING!
Great hook! Bruce Wayne is watching cliff-diving in Acapulco when he spies the glint of a gun aimed at the diver. He somehow has time to get up above and dive himself, in such a way as to knock away the rifle!
Ben Grimm's big stunt is also a dive - onto a hydrofoiled tour boat in the Thames while he's chasing Hydra-controlled Spider-Woman on foot.
Ted Grant has been reduced to boxing in piss-poor conditions (except that ancient Aztec amphitheater, that gig is boss) as "El Tigre" because he's lost his memory. It's the kind of amnesia that'll only come back when he gets the right kind of beating (i.e. the one just before the plot needs him to reveal what's going on). Amnesia or not, he's still a tough boxer, but we see him lose two fights. The first because he's been poisoned, the second because the guy is so much bigger than him. And then he gets ANOTHER knock on the head from his own sidekick Luis, who thinks he's a traitor to his dead father's memory.
A historically important story for Spider-Woman, this is only her second appearance! She's still a woman who thinks she's a super-evolved spider, something that will soon be retconned away over the course of the next few issues, you watch. And she's still a villain, an assassin for Hydra, but already showing signs of having a moral compass. She pulls her punches, etc. Good or bad, she shouldn't have kidnapped Alicia Masters...
Meh. The machete-bearing smugglers are led by El Grande (Mr. Big) who is OF COURSE the old bandito who pretends to be a friend of Luis' dad's. While his gang is mildly colorful, their best moment is surely when they go into Choclotan's cave and get flushed away by an ancient Aztec trap.
Aside from Spider-Woman kidnapping Alicia for her Hydra masters, the real villains of the piece are a couple of stereotypical British bombers called Chauncy and Trevor, the first a posh older gentlemen, the second a younger man with a Cockney accent. They only seem to bomb London landmarks, and make sure they don't hurt anyone. Everything's synchronized, they use sleeping darts or gas guns on police and beefeaters...
Odds vs. Ends
From Brave and the Bold:
-Chocotlan, the Aztecs' laughing god? Sounds made-up. And delicious. But just follow the giant jaguar prints covering Mexico (apparently) and you'll get to his smiley secret temple! +1 Bat-point
From Marvel Two-in-One:
-Question: How long are Ben and Alicia staying in London? Because that's a lot of hair growth in between issues!
-And while we're on the subject of hemorrhaging points, I'd like to criticize Marv Wolfman's purple prose by showing an annoying example of UK-related narration:
Farewells and Scoring
Friendly farewell: Luis is sorry he doubted Ted, Choclotan will go to a museum, and even the gods smile down on our heroes' farewell. +2 Bat-points
Spider-Woman blows Wildcat out of the water 18 to 11 allowing the Thing to climb slowly but surely up the river bank, inching his way closer to Batman. The score stands at 3 to 2 for the pointy-eared one for now, but it looks like Benji has some momentum...