The X-Files #67: Teso Dos Bichos

"Some things are better left buried."
ACTUAL DOCUMENTED ACCOUNT: An Ecuadorian jaguar spirit possesses a swarm of killer cats.

REVIEW: Oh my. Almost everything about this episode suffers from cheapness. The superstitious Ecuadorians are wearing tuques the Canadian extras probably brought with them. Boston's Museum of Natural History is the kind of (literally) ratty museum you'd find in a small town. Though the episode is occasionally gory, some of that gore is accidentally silly, like the balloon animal/human entrails up a tree. The big one, of course, is that unable to afford a real or effects jaguar, the episode expects us to be terrified by fluffy kitty cats being raised up to sewer grills. These cats don't even have the decency to hiss, except for the bad puppet used to attack hyper-allergic Gillian Anderson. And while the X-Files' house look is dark, here it's downright impossible to tell what's happening half the time, as characters simply forget there are light switches in any given room (in fact, the sewers are lit more brightly than the museum's bathrooms). Even the leads seem to have taken a slimmer check to the bank, far too under-utilized in the first half.

So what are we left with? Over the top acting from an archeologist high of yaje juice. People disappearing so that the production doesn't need to show the attacks. A rather ridiculous scene where rats try to get out of several toilets for fear of beloved pets possessed by a dead shamaness. Turgid pacing and none of the witty dialog the show usually delivers. A script that takes an interest in museum politics. And a cat POV worthy of classic Doctor Who (in fact, I was reminded of the kitling from "Survival", and I'm not sure that's a good thing). It all falls very flat, I'm afraid.

REWATCHABILITY: Low
- The show's first ever "Low" rating goes to this sluggish, murky, lame-brain episode.

2 comments:

Jeremy Patrick said...

I just watched this one a couple of weeks ago, and agree completely with your comments. Bad story, bad execution. The sort of episode that would make a great Rifftrax some day . . . (Oh no! Kittens on the attack!)

Siskoid said...

Definitely some MST3K material there, yeah.

 

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