Snapshots of Jimmy Olsen #39: Greenbeard Olsen

Source: Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #21 (1957)
Type: Precursor/Impostor
Last Saturday was International Pirate Day and because I'm a normal person who doesn't write down fictional holidays like that on his calendar, I completely missed it. Ooops! Well, better late than never. Here's a pirate Jimmy Olsen. He's discovered when Jimmy looks into his genealogy, going back to the 18th century. And it's ancestry that comes with a curse!
Arrrr! According to the legend, which is VERY specific as to how many generations it has to skip, Jimmy is a were-pirate, turning Ahoy my mateys in the light of the full moon if he happens to be on a sailing ship. The Genealogy Society is so keen to debunk this myth, that  it's refitted an old pirate ship and want Jimmy to sail on it--wait, WHAT?! Despite Jimmy's concerns that he won't get time off from the Daily Planet, Perry White is quite happy to let him do it and sends Clark and Lois to cover it. Slow news cycle. Before sailing off, the Society makes Jimmy sign an agreement that he'll be responsible for the ship. That lawyer stuff is suspect as hell.

Anyway, off we go on a pirate adventure, and for some insane reason, Olsen's ancestor has a green beard (hence the name), so of course it has to be made of kryptonite or something, right? That's what allows him to push Clark off the gang plank, right? Well, time will tell.
Full moon at sea, and Jimmy is throwing Clark Kent to the sharks. Then he pulls him out of the water claiming to have taught him a lesson, and then throws him in the brig. No worries, Clark'll escape as Superman. The next night, Jimmy once again goes bonkers, this time broadsiding "yon galleon"!
Superman deflects the cannon ball, and as with the previous night's activities, Jimmy is super-surprised and doesn't remember any of his crimes. The NEXT night, Greenbeard aims the ship at an iceberg and sinks it before Superman can save it. Now remember that contract Jimmy signed? He owes the full cost of the ship, 25,000$ in 1957 money (212,000$ in today's). Crap! But as it turns out, being Greenbeard's ancestor comes with an inheritance too, coincidentally, 25,000$. Hm.
The guy from the Maritime Bank shouldn't be so smug about "unearthing" proof that Greenbeard was working for the Crown. The genealogical records do list him as a "buccaneer", which is what that means. Annnyway, Superman barges in with the Truth: The curse was just a story invented by that evil genealogist as part of a scheme to get Jimmy's inheritance. The real tragedy is that Superman can't exactly brag about how he figured it out:
So let me get this straight. The Genealogy Society guy refitted a vintage pirate ship which was worth 25,000$. He sank it WITH HIMSELF ABOARD so Jimmy would have to give him 25,000$ in gold coins. Net profit: 0$. Not the con of the century, this.

And the green beard wasn't, in any way, connected to kryptonite! It is entirely connected, however, to my bitter disappointment! Come on now!

2 comments:

snell said...

"Evil genealogist" is a much-underutilized class of criminal. Although he might fit right in on Millennium...

Siskoid said...

All the pieces matter.

 

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