A Canadian ThanksKilling

Category: Holidays
Last article published: December 25th 2019
This is the 233rd post under this label
Somehow, this fell right on Thanksgiving. Canadian Thanksgiving, that is. Mostly a religious holiday here - at least on the French-Catholic side of the fence - giving thanks to the Lord, rather than some mythologized shindig between Colonials and Natives, so there's no football or turkey involved. Well, I feel like more and more people do the turkey thing. Because American culture is insidious and things start to creep over through the television. Turkey and alt-Right politics, mostly.

But Canadian commentary aside, where's the Geek Content, Siskoid? Ok, ok, here it is. I'm watching the trailer for ThanksKilling with you. Had I watched the whole movie, clocking in at 66 minutes, and directed by Jordan Downey, I would have gotten the full lowdown on "A homicidal turkey axes off college kids during Thanksgiving break." It was on Amazon Prime before October, and now on Halloween month, they've taken it down?! So that's why you're getting the trailer (and maybe how I get to keep my sanity).

I know my Canadian Thankgiving, but what does a typical American one look like? I dare to compare using the only evidence available to me...
Right away, we know who will eat turkey or be eaten BY a turkey. Wouldn't you know it, this is a group of friends that includes a hot skank, a jock, a foul-mouthed redneck, a nerd, and a shy girl-next-door. Say no to cliques! I guess they have to stop to camp out on their way home, and instead of talking about what they're thankful for (like a Canadian would), they tell horrific campfire stories. Like, have you heard the one about the evil turkey necromanced by a Native American disrespected by a pilgrim in the 1500s? No? That might because the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620!
Enter the bunny thrown into their fire. The nerd can immediately tell, even though it's on fire, that the rabbit was killed by a beak, not just any beak, a TURKEY beak. I bet he gets real good grades.
Cue the turkey. The TALKING turkey.
That thing is "You just got %&!/$" - it is a real potty-mouth.
It also wears the odd Halloween costume because it doesn't care what holiday this is.
Ok, here the redneck is stringing it up, which you do before cooking, though unlike a Canadian, it looks like Americans don't pluck the bird first. Well, whatever tickles your fancy.
I don't know if this is a normal part of the cooking process, but maybe American turkeys are a little bit radioactive.
Oh okay, NOW you're cookin'. So long, Turkie.

So what did I learn? Well, nothing, because they lost me at the historical inaccuracy. How can I trust anything else this movie says?

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