THE INNOCENT: Kathryn Hays as Mary Pilgrim, a singer who, years ago, dated two Dutch brothers who have since stolen half a million in diamonds. She's devoted her time to opera now, but UNCLE won't let her turn down the anonymous job offer to sing at one brother's cabaret in Paris. A makeover later, she's doing her thing and fending off various men's advances (including Solo's) with the help of her Russian teacher and chaperone, Madame Grushenka). Hays gained immortality as Gem, the mute empath in Star Trek: The Original Series, and then as a main character on As the World Turns - one of my mom's preferred soaps - for almost 40 years, starting in 1972.
REVIEW: An establishing shot of Paris. We cut to the ol' backlot. Suitcases being thrown out of cars. There's a cool bug on the tag and Illya is listening in. Yeah! We're starting in the middle of the action and I like it. The plot is a little too... financial, to give it stakes (why do we care if diamonds are devalued if the villains flood the market with them, and anyway, they're just blackmailing the market so that they don't), but there's plenty of spy action, especially once THRUSH gets interested and tries to steal the racket away from the two brothers running it. It's a big game of "where did they hide the diamonds?" and Solo forcibly recruits Mary Pilgrim to act as walking bug, informing on her old beaux through her miked corsage. There's that crazy shot of the UNCLE beauticians closing in on her, and while the result is elegant, it's not as "glamorous" as the script wants it to be. But Kathryn Hays is hardly playing a vamp here, she needs to be the girl next door who doesn't want to be in on all the crime, but is feisty enough to trip someone up if it advanced UNCLE's cause.
The dangerous man here is Alfred Ryder as Corio, a triple-agent who is at the root of most of the twists and turns, at one point violently knocking Illya out and leaving him pantsless somewhere (offscreen), but he misses every opportunity to kill the agents when he definitely could have. Even the train cabin kill box at the end is a lot of threats, but he abandons his plans at the first sight of a gendarme. And while there's a lot of cool action - Illya's simulated assassination attempts on the brothers, the (admittedly goofy) exploding headphones, Solo fighting a THRUSH agent and flipping him out a window, the helicopter landing on the train stunt - those gendarmes are a real problem for the episode. They're meant to be an impediment for Solo, as if UNCLE had no sway in France, which hardly makes sense, but all they do is stand around while the agent steals their car. They try to arrest him, but again, he easily gives them the slip while also not believing Mary that she wasn't kidnapped. There's a real lack of urgency in the French response that drains the story of motive power.
The police is acting on the word of broad comic relief Madame Grushenka, the singing teacher Mary, for some reason, brings with her to Paris. She's a very shouty character who (again unreasonably) acts as her absolutely adult student's chaperone, screams at men to leave Mary's apartments, and jumps to crazy conclusions. At the end, we're supposed to think it's funny that she cozies up to fellow Russian Illya, but we're so sick of her by then, it doesn't work. Had they held back a bit, and simply made her wryly unimpressed with Solo, they might have gotten away with it, but this is a case of the show's comedy going too far and falling flat.
HEARD ON CHANNEL D: "You can now indulge yourself in your nefarious flair for the dramatic." (Illya to Solo)
[EXPLOSION] "Well, ultrasonic waves. Obviously, someone wants to tune us out." (Solo)
"What for are you staring at your face like a dope? Diaphragm. The voice box. Those are your face." (Madame Grushenka)
"In no way do I represent American foreign policy, monsieur. Bonjour." (Solo)
BONDED: Illya debuts his signature charcoal grey mock turtleneck in this episode, a look later adopted by James Bond (for example in You Only Live Twice and Spectre). A very tiny connection: Jazz bassist Jimmy Bond was in on the episode's recording sessions, creating an indirect nod to 007's namesake.
REWATCHABILITY - Medium: While the script is witty and some of the action beats are strong, the villains are too stupid to make this one stand out.
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