4-4, so it's time for Round 9!In the orange corner... The Thing and Valkyrie, with an assist from Dr. Strange, written by Steve Gerber and drawn by Sal Buscema and Mike Esposito, Marvel Two-in-One #7, Name That Doom!
And in the black corner... it's Batman and the Spectre, written by Bob Haney and drawn by Mike Sekowski and Mike Esposito (with a cover by Neal Adams), Brave and the Bold #75, The Grasp of Shahn-Zi!
It's a mystic brawl like no other! DING DING DING!
The Stars
In 2-in-1 #7, Ben ditches Dr. Strange and does his own thang... which is heading to Vermont to find Valkyrie and the magical harmonica of Destiny from the last issue. Err... ok. Gets lost on the way, stops to get directions at a gas station, but is ambushed by Thor villains the Executioner and the Enchantress (pah, those guys aren't even mentioned in the great Norse sagas). He gets flung around a lot, but when the fate of the world is at stake, it's clobberin' time. Heck, the Thing even goes so far as to hit a girl.
"Can it be that Destiny still protects thee?" "Nah. I'm jest plain stubborn is all." Best bit in the book. Executioner gets owned in a similar way. For being his own man and not leaving any for the guest stars... +6 points
Meanwhile, it's the Year of the Bat in Gotham City's Chinatown and check out the whacky mystical character our hero will be fighting:
Nooooo. Sorry to disappoint you, Bat-fans, but that's Batman himself, dressing up for exactly one panel for the occasion. Too bad, cuz that's a real nice design for a character in a Spectre story. Another disappointment: There is no such thing as a Year of the Bat in Chinese astrology. Well... *I* was disappointed at least. When an ancient Chinese spirit cuts Chinatown off from the rest of the world, Batman finds himself in way over his head, so it's a good thing the Spectre stops by. Still, after Bats is zapped by the villain's mystic powers, he does gain enough magic to save his guest star with the bat-rope, preventing the ghostly avenger from hurtling into the sun on Chinese junk. Powering up your opponents is probably not the best power for a villain, but it does help Batman score here. +7 bat-points
The Guests
Doctor Strange continues his guest appearance from last issue, but it's basically just to do the Big Recap. It's Valkyrie's time to shine, and the story has her meet her long-lost human father, now a drunk derelict who dies in her arms by comic's end (oh the years of therapy that should have ensued!). Aside from finding out she's the product of a drunken night of revelry after some random Asgard-Midgard speed dating event, she spends the issue either in human form ("the pitiable creatured called Barbara - the madwoman!!") or getting her butt kicked by the Executioner. She does get one postmodern moment of lucidity, however:
A fiction! Yes, indeed, you have discovered the dark secret of your world more than 15 years before Animal Man.
+3 pointsGratuitous reason for Jim "The Spectre" Corrigan to guest star: He's a cop observing how the GCPD does things (see Odds and Ends). As the Spectre, of course, he can pretty much do anything, but you've got to cover the usual shticks: Going through walls, splitting into many selves, and growing to giant size.
Not giant to the point where he's hitting the bad guy over the head with the EARTH, which I admit is a problem, but still. This initiates a sort of contest between him and the villain who can also pretty much do anything. He can be a giant too, but can the Spectre... survive fireballs? With his Cape of Ice, he sure can! He does get his spectral ass kicked though, and at one point thinks: "My phantasm body... He's destroying its psycho-matter... distorting it to the disintegration point!" I'm sorry, but when did this turn into a Voyager episode? Mysto-babble aside, there are a couple of neat tricks here, though nothing too incredible. +5 bat-points
The Villains
The Executioner and Enchanteress - the two Asgardian villains not culled from Norse mythology - pair up against the Thing and Valkyrie, and their plan is to get their hands on the Harmonica of Destiny to change the course of history (presumably). Maybe they want to make themselves come from Norse myth, though I'm not sure what the point would be, unless they want to wear those fabulous helmets. Whatever their motives may be, I'll certainly give them points for flair. See, their problem is that the harmonica has already decided to allow a few crappy House of Mystery stories to take place, starring everyone present when Destiny got hit by the A-train (remember that?). There's just one left, and that's Valkyrie's dad, and until he gets his turn, they can't do anything. Enter flair: They lure the old guy to Vermont, and when the Thing follows, they stop him from interfering by disguising themselves as gas attendents.
Then, lots of smacking people around, allowing the world to end and going whoops before getting what's coming to them. +7 points
Back in Gotham, Shahn-Zi the River Lord has come to ask the "mayor" of Chinatown to give up his son. The rockin' teen is meant to become the new River Lord as Shahn-Zi must finally die. Tragic, really. Like the Spectre, he's pretty much got an unlimited amount of power, but he seems fond of 1) turning into animals, and 2) creature mystic energy constructs with a Chinese theme. For example, he cuts Chinatown off by surrounding it by a Great Wall. (I'd love to see a French villain who makes Eiffel Towers, but that may just be me and my freedom fries-addled mind.) But he's not just into magic. Shahn-Zi watches a lot of pro wrestling (as must many villains, if only to learn the art of smack talking).
A good showing though he is destroyed by fireworks... +8 bat-points
Odds vs. Ends
From Marvel Two-in-One:
Another case of the editor not being at home: Ben drives the Fantasticar away from Dr. Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum, but was driving a defaced aerocar when he got there last issue. Or couldn't he stand to drive a dirty car and went back to the garage to make the exchange? -1 point
Speaking of Dr. Strange, 2-in-1 #7 contains his real Unfriendly Farewell.
All I can say is: Better late than never. +2 points
About the harmonica that makes psychobabble real: Last issue it created a giant rat to represent self-loathing. This issue, because Valkyrie's daddy sees his life as destroyed, IT DESTROYS THE UNIVERSE!
Truly, psychology is the 20th century's great evil. Who'd have thunk the apocalypse would look this awkward. -1 pointFinally, if you wanna find out what happens next with this Valkyrie/harmonica thing, it's to be continued in Defenders #20 (not provided in the collection, of course). It's really getting too much like 2-in-1 only exists to provide muscle for whatever plot/subplot is going on in the Marvel Universe at the time. Frankly, the title badly needs some standalone tales, and soon. -2 points
From Brave and the Bold:
The first Neal Adams cover on the title is certainly worth a point. +1 bat-point
Much like the exploration of the American Indian earlier, Haney seems to throw everything he knows about Chinese culture into one story. Aside from the special date, the Chinese villain's gimmicks, and Gotham City's Chinatown complete with historical wooden pagodas, we get a clue left in a fortune cookie.
Give the man another 5 pages and you get a plot complication with atomic chicken balls or something. -2 bat-points
And for all that "research", Haney really only has three Chinese characters: The mayor, kids that wanna rock and roll and who speak like the Teen Titans, and old men who sound like Confucius. -1 bat-point
Gotham City Police procedural: When confronted by a mystic energy wall, ram the police van into it.
Which continues Haney's obsession with crashing vehicles. +1 bat-point
Farewells and Scoring
Hugged by a Scandinavian babe with a metal bra? I wouldn't call that an Unfriendly Farewell exactly.
Unhappy, sure. Unfriendly, no. +1 point
Batman's Friendly Farewell has a little more panache, with bat-shaped fireworks and Batman promising some kind of Year of the Spectre.
+3 bat-points
Let's call the Banker to see where we're at... Valkyrie 15... Spectre 22! Batman takes a small lead, breaking that tie. Will the Thing tie it up again next ish? Read it ever... miss it never! (Ok, that Brave and the Bold sign-off has gotten into my head like a bad Black Eyed Peas song.)
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