Spider-Boy Strikes Back

Category: Amalgam
Last article published: 16 July 2018
This is the 51st post under this label
Nota bene: The Labels feature moves to Monday for the length of the new Doctor Who series, as I need to reshuffle the week a bit to give me room to properly review the new episodes.
Haven't done a DC vs. Marvel Phase II battle in a long while (2010!), so here we go with Round 8. The rules, once again: All Amalgams from any given series see their constituent parts go at it, and the cumulative winner gets to publish those constituents' series. This time around, we're looking at Spider-Boy to see if Marvel can continue publishing Spider-Man comics, or if DC instead retains the right to do Superboy. Let's get ready to rumble!
Current score: 5-3 DC
The proof: Round 1 - Round 2 - Round 3 - Round 4 - Round 5 - Round 6 - Round 7

Weight Class - "Bizarnage": Bizarro vs. Carnage
Bizarro pros: Silver Age silliness. Bad public speaker. Leaves dust all over the living room.
Bizarro cons: Silver Age silliness. Is almost Superman. According to medal, is #1.
Carnage pros: Made of pure EXTREME!!! 90s extract.
Carnage cons: Derivative of Venom. His name is Cletus. Seems to be made of gooey blood.
Win: There's no way Carnage wins on my watch, and it just so happens that I don't care if the symbiote is stronger than Spider-Man or Venom, there's no way that he's stronger than SUPERMAN. Go home, fanboys! 1-0 DC

Weight Class - "Challengers of the Fantastic": Fantastic Four vs. Challengers of the Unknown
FF pros: Co-created by Jack Kirby. They are the Challengers of the Unknown with powers. The foundation of the Marvel Universe. The World's Greatest Comic.
FF cons: Terrible movies. Marvel editorial trying to push them to the side. Ben Grimm leaves dust all over the living room.
Challengers pros: Co-created by Jack Kirby. A mountain HQ. Living on borrowed time.
Challengers cons: They are the Fantastic Four without powers. Their enemies tend to end up in the Forgotten Villains or comedy Injustice Leagues, which says something.
Win: The Fantastic Four in the first few seconds of the first round. I mean, come on! 1-1 all

Weight Class - "Brooklyn Barnes": Terrible Turpin vs. Bucky
Turpin pros: Co-created by Jack Kirby. Boy Commando in WWII. Still an active police officer 60+ years later. Cartoon look based on Kirby.
Turpin cons: After all that time, still second banana to Maggie Sawyer. Disintegrated by Darkseid in the animated series.
Bucky pros: Co-created by Jack Kirby. Captain America's one true platonic love. Came back from being Uncle Ben levels of dead.
Bucky cons: Teen sidekick optics. Winter Soldier guilt. As we say in French, "pas d'bras, pas d'chocolat" (universal translator has failed).
Win: Like his friend Cap, Bucky has aged impressively well, better than Dick Turpin, in fact, but even back in the day, he probably had more training and discipline than young Brooklyn. 2-1 Marvel

Weight Class - "King Lizard": The Lizard vs. King Shark
Lizard pros: Makes Bucky jealous. Makes the tattered lab coat look work.
Lizard cons: Hulk wants his pants back! His movie didn't do so well.
King Shark pros: Not a man who is half-shark, but a shark that is half-man! The hammerhead shark variant. Impressive appearance in the Flash TV show. There's a Kid Shark.
King Shark cons: Got cut out of the Suicide Squad movie (oh wait, that may be a pro).
Win: This one's almost gonna be decided on weight. King Shark is just in another class. Don't worry, Lizard, that arm'll grow right back. 2-2 all

Weight Class - "Pym & Palmer": Ant-Man vs. the Atom

Pym pros: Not limited to shrinking, has other tricks like talking to ants and going giant. Inspired two hit movies.
Pym cons: Spouse abuse (even if he was under mental attack, he was the first irredeemable Ant-Man). Can't stick to a single identity.
Atom pros: Shrinks smallest. Atom the Barbarian. Though not the first shrinking hero, he can at least say he's not Doll Man.
Atom cons: Was married to Jean Loring. So boring, they turned him into Ted Kord on the TV shows.
Win: This is a tough one, but every time the Atom tries to shrink away, Hank throws some Pym Particles at him to make him grow again. Incapable of bouncing back, it's Hank's fight to win. 3-2 Marvel

Weight Class - "Insect Queen": Lana Lang vs. Mary Jane Watson

Lana pros: Knows Superman's secret identity. Super glamorous news anchor (in the Bronze Age). The Insect Queen ring. Annette O'Toole.
Lana cons: It was never going to be her. It was always going to be Lois. There's never been a real question about that.
MJ pros: One of Spider-Man's one true loves (the one he eventually settles down with). Face it, you just hit the jackpot.
MJ cons: Statues of her doing Spider-Man's laundry. A magically undone marriage. That darn Gwen Stacy.
Win: What is this competition? As a romantic interest, MJ beats Lana any time. In a fight? I'm sorry, but same outcome. Lana might pull the Insect Queen ring out, but MJ is quick to get to a can of Raid. Game over. 4-2 Marvel

The Main Event!
Weight Class - "Spider-Boy": Spider-Man vs. Superboy

Spider-Man pros: A long and dazzling history. Can carry 3-4 monthlies. Star of many animated series and movie franchises. One of the most recognizable superheroes of all time. Iconic.
Spider-Man cons: Oh, this is the Ben Reilly Spider-Man CLONE. Uh-oh.
Superboy pros: Partly cloned from Superman. Surprising tactile telekinesis powers. Popular with the 18-24s according to his press agent.
Superboy cons: Partly cloned from Lex Luthor. That dated look. Not a dog person. The Siegel estate isn't too keen on his taking that name.
Win: Even a clone of Spider-Man is still gonna beat a fresh clone of Superman. That was the result in DC vs. Marvel, and I think it was fair. 5-2 Marvel

And so it is that DC loses the right to publish Superboy, which isn't the only time that's happened. I'm sure Marvel was worried there for a second, but they can keep publishing Spider-Man comics after all. Cumulative score is now 4-4, if you're keeping a close eye on this across the years.



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