1001 Things I Will Not Do When I Play RPGs (Excerpts)

All based on true events.

1. I will not kick the GM out of my house during a game.

27. I will not make swords and arrows have the same sound effects as mech lasers and missiles.

125. I will not refuse to play a game on the single basis that "it isn't D&D".

250. I will not request to play a race not covered in the rules, nor will I imply that I will not participate otherwise.

251. I will not make such requests for my girlfriend either.

379. Samurai armor is not appropriate attire for a modern era game.

448. If the plane is crashing, I will not stay aboard and play guitar while the rest of the characters parachute out.

459. Certainly not because I think it's "funny".

460. Or because my character is based on a single silly premise which is more important than any standards of human behavior.

593. Disembodied heads - even those of Nazis - are not meant to become ventriloquist dummies just so I can use that skill on my character sheet.

665. I will not take out every manual in the collection until I find an optional rule that proves my point.

666. Certainly not the AD&D 1st ed. Manual of the Planes.

801. Why would I keep the bloody remains of smaller humanoid species in Mason jars? Answer: I would not.

928. I will not make the GM uncomfortable by putting the moves on him every time he plays a female NPC.

1001. I will not ask for the game to be moved to a Sunday morning "because it's the only time I can make it" and then not show up, especially if everyone else has a hangover.

Excerpts from 1001 Things I Will Not Do When I GM

Star Trek 966: No Compromise Part One

966. No Compromise Part One

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #58, DC Comics, March 1994

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Carlos Garzon (artist)

STARDATE: 8651.1 (follows last issue) and 3001.3 (flashback to Chekov's first days on the Enterprise)

PLOT: Upon hearing that Academy sweetheart Julia Crandall has died, Chekov tells the story of how he proposed to her. Seeing as they'd be assigned to different ships, she refused, but soon after he was promoted to navigator, she was transferred to the Enterprise. At that time, the crew encountered a gigantic ship blasting radiation at a colony for months, but were unable to defeat it...

CONTINUITY: Captain Sulu and the Excelsior appear for the first time since their maiden mission in #39.

DIVERGENCES: Since it refers to the events of Time Crime, the stardate becomes suspect. It jumps too far to rejoin events prior to Time Crime's timeline, which was set around issue #13.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Chekov dates Big Ethel.
REVIEW: While it's an interesting peek at Chekov's early days and how he rose to his position and became friends with Uhura and Sulu, the story is severely hampered by the art. Garzon's faces are often ugly, pudgy, cross-eyed and buck-toothed with no consistency whatsoever from panel to panel, and his ship and base designs clunky in a way we haven't seen since the Gold Key days. And is there a draft aboard the Enterprise that Julia's hair is always wind-swept? Can't say much about the plot as we don't learn a whole lot about Julia Crandall or the threat in the first issue. Too bad the artist couldn't render the character moments very well.

Who Rocks Doctor Who? Bill Bailey Does!

So Tuesday I was all about the remixed Doctor Who theme song, and my friend Julie pointed me in a fun direction. UK comedian Bill Bailey, best known to some of us as Bilbo on Spaced, has a 60s Belgian lounge version of the song, with almost nonsense lyrics in almost pidgin French. It is ridiculous AWESOME!

LISTEN TO A CLEAN VERSION

Or as part of a comedy show, after the bits with the 80s Doctor Who incidental music:

Star Trek 965: Time Crime The Conclusion: Seems Like Old Times

965. Time Crime The Conclusion: Seems Like Old Times

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #57, DC Comics, February 1994

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rob Davis and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8545.1 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The warlord believes Sulu and Kirk and executes the saboteur. To make sure he doesn't die in his air show, they allow the plane to explode without him in it. The Klingon time agents capture the landing party and reveal they and Romulan co-conspirators have been toying with history to prove a point - that Gorkon's plans for peace will lead to ruin (epic fail). With the warlord's survival, the timeline is restored, though everyone at the Guardian retain memories of BOTH timelines. Kor contacts Klingon High Command to explain the situation and they send a ship back in time to apprehend the time agents, while the Romulans are arrested in the present. When the landing party returns, Worf leaves with Kor to return to his old/new life.

CONTINUITY: See previous issues of this storyline. At this point (in the true timeline), Gorkon is gaining followers (before ST VI). The Klingons use the slingshot technique of moving through time (Tomorrow Is Yesterday, etc.). Worf Sr. returns to his role as defense attorney with a thing for hopeless causes (ST VI), and this story explains how Kirk got a lawyer to defend him.

DIVERGENCES: See previous issues of this storyline. If Worf's ties to Kirk are explained, I'm not sure it fits Kor's future appearances as well.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Klingon classic radio
REVIEW: The big finish is something of a mixed bag. If we start with the bad, I have to mention the motivations of the Klingon time agents. Ok, you go back in time, make the Klingons peaceful and they (ideally) get crushed by the Romulans. And...? Who's gonna get the message? The leader you're trying to convince no longer exists, and neither does your Empire! I can see why the Romulans thought this was a good idea, but the Klingons? Ridiculous. But there's good here too. The Klingon warlord is a quite a little bit crazy, and it would have been fun to see even more of him. The twist of having Kor and Worf remember both timelines leads to interesting consequences. And the actions scenes are well set up.

Cat of the Geek #12: Bast

Name: Bast (also spelled Ubasti, Baset and later, Bastet)
Stomping Grounds: Egyptian mythology; AD&D's Deities & Demigods AKA Legend & Lore
Side: of cats
Breed: Abyssinian (divine)
Cat Powers: Grant ambassadorial powers to all cats on Earth.
Skills: Eat 6, Sleep 3, Mischief 5, Wit 10, Divine Retribution 8
Cat Weaknesses: Chased by furry enthusiasts.
AD&D Stats:

Star Trek 964: Time Crime Part Four: Call Back Yesterday

964. Time Crime Part Four: Call Back Yesterday

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #56, DC Comics, January 1994

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rob Davis and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8526.8 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Spock identifies a new turning point in Klingon history that could account for its becoming peaceful, so Kirk and crew go back in time to save a Klingon warlord from dying in a plane crash. Kirk and Sulu show off their skills as airplane mechanics and are enlisted by the warlord, which gives them the chance to subdue a saboteur. When they try to bring him to the castle, they are thrown in jail until their story can be verified, leaving the field open for other saboteurs to complete the job...

CONTINUITY: See previous issues of this storyline.

DIVERGENCES: See previous issues of this storyline.

PANEL OF THE DAY - A Klingon barn
REVIEW: I'm not sure I quite understand the convoluted turning point Spock comes up with (a guy who had lots of Imperially-minded kids is never born because something and that something has to do with the dead warlord), and the appearance of Klingon time agents who may or may not be working for the same goal as the heroes doesn't get as much space as I would have liked. Kor and Worf are no longer needed to do "most of the talking" and most characters disappear while Kirk and Sulu do their thing alone. So this is definitely Time Crime's weakest chapter. Hopefully. I wouldn't want it to be its conclusion.

Who Rocks the Doctor?

Here's a precious find I made a few years ago, that I still go to occasionally: Whomix is a collection of literally dozens of fan-made remixes of the famous Doctor Who theme by Ron Grainer and Delia Derbyshire.You can listen to them on the site by clicking for the "bloggable" version, or you can download them directly to your machine for a proper playlist pleasure. I've had a few over the years, like Skaro or Bust v.2.0 and Who Rocks the Party That Rocks the Tardis, but lately, I've been looking for a theme tune for my attempt at the Doctor Who RPG. I almost always use soundtracks for my role-playing games, and with all the Doctor Who soundtracks I have, it'd be silly not to. Except I don't want the Doctor Who signature tune itself, it's too recognizable. Instead, I wanted something that you'd notice was the same song only late in the game. My choice: Unreal Who by Miguel F Ettema.

PLAY IT HERE

It has an 80s feel, lots of different movements I can imagine would be this or that part of the show (sad, running from danger, triumph, etc.), though I admit it's a bit long. It could definitely be The Shepherd's theme (yes, that's what we think we may be naming our Time Lord).

Post-Time War, I think Who Am I?, a sad song with lyrics, also works... Might work it in at some point.

Hope you find something you like!

Star Trek 963: Time Crime Part Three: Time... to Time!

963. Time Crime Part Three: Time... to Time!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #55, DC Comics, December 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rob Davis and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8520.9 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Kirk, Uhura, McCoy, Suku, Kor and Worf Sr. go back 700 years into Klingon history to make sure peacemaker Khartan is assassinated by his head guard. When the assassins are killed by a modern Klingon explosive, Worf takes matters into his own hands and snipes Khartan from a rooftop. The heroes return to the present only to be told by the Guardian that the timeline has not been restored and the Romulan Empire still doesn't exist...

CONTINUITY: See previous issues of this storyline. Before leaving, the crew spends some time on the aircraft carrier Enterprise (ST IV), now a naval museum.

DIVERGENCES: None aside from augment virus issues.

PANEL OF THE DAY - A Klingon horse
REVIEW: Continues to be a strong storyline! We meet Khartan, who is the Leonardo da Vinci of his world in addition to being a peacemaker, making it all the more cruel that his true place in history should be to die (the Guardian has a thing for that sort of historical character, it seems). And once he is dead, it seems like Worf made the ultimate sacrifice (the culture he has known) for nothing. Weinstein doesn't forget to give Kirk and David a proper farewell, and the good captain has a heroic moment when he defends Uhura from brutal guards. As for the Romulans, they're definitely not as guiltless as they appear to be. No doubt, they tried to change history with terrible results (it's Year of Hell before there was even a Voyager). A couple of chapters still left, but it looks like Weinstein finally wrote one I like.

LXP Returns!

In honor of my just having watched HBO's John Adams, I've brought back the League of Extraordinary Presidents for an appendix... a TV appendix. See, John Adams' place in history might just have been saved by the mini-series, but it's mostly be cemented in TV history. He's the newest in a line of television presidents that seem more witty and well-intentioned than the guys usually sitting in the White House. So for those who want to play LXP - the satirical role-playing game set in the world of U.S. and World politics gone awry - with the added glam of television (the only history we have left, some will say), here you go!

JOHN ADAMS
2nd President of the U.S.A.
Safe to say, there wouldn't be a United States of America today if not for John Adams' stubborness. He rubbed people the wrong way so much that in the end, they let him have his Declaration of Independence because it was easier than contradicting him. Few know that some eldritch energy was used in the fabrication of the ink used by some to sign that sacred document, magicks that sold off the After-life's right to the signer's soul. And so, John Adams can't die. He's the resident "rant" of the LXP. Use as grumpy comic relief or as your character of choice!
AURA: 5
FISTS: 2
GRIT: 18
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 17
Constitutional Power: His Abigail. Though a convincing speaker and ideas man, he would be nothing without his First Lady, the angelic ghost of whom advises him to this day. When John Adams is about to make a mistake, the GM must allow him to make a test of Can-Do Spirit. If he wins, she appears with crucial opinion and information.
Veto Power: 16

JED BARTLETT
42nd President of the U.S.A. on the West Wing
The former governor of New Hampshire is notable for one important thing: Serving his terms 2 years off every one else. How this absent-minded professor with the political instincts of a shark managed this is his greatest secret, but safe to say the America in his little time bubble seemed a lot more sincerely run than our own.
AURA: 17
FISTS: 4
GRIT: 12
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 13
Constitutional Power: Apocalypse Never. President Bartlett can dip into his pocket universe and pull out all manner of liberal policy with a simple test of Can-Do Spirit, or a well-spoken and entertaining Senior Counsel at -3. Watch out for the Mirror Republicans that sometimes escape it though!
Veto Power: 13

DAVID PALMER
43rd President of the U.S.A. on 24
Having faked his assassination and now sharing his schedule between a black ops unit and the LXP, President Palmer has never been a stranger to doing what he has to do to keep the Nation safe. After all, he's the guy who gave carte blanche to master torturer Jack Bauer.
AURA: 16
FISTS: 17
GRIT: 15
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 10
Constitutional Power: The Bourne Factor. No, not the title of the next movie, but that special quality that allows President Palmer to kick some serious, serious ass. We knew he had it the minute he put a baseball bat through his own SUV to prove a point. At any time, he can spend a Veto to use his Fists to resolve an Aura, Grit or Can-Do Spirit test.
Veto Power: 17

MACKENZIE ALLEN
44th President of the U.S.A. on Commander in Chief
What if McCain had been elected president and then died two years in? Well, Mackenzue Allen may be a relatively inexperienced Republican, but she's no Sarah Palin. And we mean that in a good way. Showing a lot of grit by going against her own party and not stepping down to let the Speaker of the House take the Oval, she was happily received as the League of Extraordinary Presidents' first female member. Now if she can only stop Kennedy and Clinton from hitting on her incessantly.
AURA: 9
FISTS: 8
GRIT: 15
CAN-DO SPIRIT: 14
Constitutional Power: The Power of True Grit. Just like President Palmer can use Fists to do anything, Mac can spend a Veto to use her Grit to resolve any kind of test, at +1 against a male opponent (or the World, really).
Veto Power: 10

We at LXP Games hope this supplement for the award-winning LXP RPG has been of use to you and that you will continue to support our products. Also on sale this month: The Flame That Burns Twice as Bright - from Garfield to Taylor; and Mars Attacks - an adventure scenario for President Nicholson or "Your-own-presidents".

Star Trek 962: Time Crime Part Two: Nightmares!

962. Time Crime Part Two: Nightmares!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #54, DC Comics, November 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8516 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: After consulting the Guardian of Forever, Starfleet finds that the temporally displaced Romulans are telling the truth and the timeline HAS been changed. Kirk is faced with the dilemma of restoring a timeline that will kill his son and turn the Klingons from artists and scientists into warriors. In the end, both the Federation and Klingons agree they must fix history by going back in time 700 years and making sure the Klingon Confederation's founder, Khartan, is assassinated. The crew of the Enterprise and Kor are assigned to go through the Guardian...

CONTINUITY: See last issue. Alt-Kirk has Real-Kirk nightmares, i.e. the deaths of Edith Keeler (City on the Edge of Forever) and David Marcus (ST III). Alt-Kor is an ambassador (Errand of Mercy).

DIVERGENCES: Kor seems not to be rid of the Klingon augment virus (at this time, according to Flashback), even the TOS Klingons should be getting their forehead backs. Then again, in the alternate history, it's unlikely the augment virus would ever have been released in the first place. (The comics have it that there is more than one race of Klingons about.)

PANEL OF THE DAY - In our timeline, the thing on Kirk's mind is to his left.
REVIEW: I only found one problem with this issue, and it's that the time distortion doesn't have anything to do with Khaless. Usurping his place in Klingon myth/history would have been a more relevant twist than the invention of the previously unknown Khartan. Otherwise, it's a fine continuation of the alternate timeline story. Not only is Kirk in anguish over the sacrifices he will personally make so that the billions killed in the Romulan war may live, but so are others. Worf, for example, isn't happy about his people turning to war. The central idea is that while the new timeline has a genocide in it, it's also a more positive "present" than the real timeline. Which is morally more acceptable? Kor as a friend to Kirk should be interesting, and they probably shouldn't turn their backs on the time-tossed Romulans who might have some secret agenda. The art is also good, with Guardian-shaped panels making up Kirk's vivid dreams/memories, and nice background details like a picture of young David with his daddy, Jame T. Kirk.

This Week in Geek (19-25/07/09)

Buys

Getting relatively low on my unread Doctor Who New Adventures, I picked up a few more from eBay. I had up until Conundrum, then First Frontier, so I procured myself the seven books in between. That would be: No Future, Tragedy Day, Legacy, Theatre of War, All-Consuming Fire, Blood Harvest and Strange England.

"Accomplishments"

DVDs: First, I flipped the HBO mini-series John Adams. Like most people, especially living outside the United States, I didn't know much about Adams beyond the fact that he was the second president of the USA. In fact, I knew a lot less about the American Revolution than I thought I did. Flawless performances by Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney and a truly authentic, unromanticized feel to the 18th century made this really special. You'll chuckle along with Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, you'll cry along with the Adams, and you might even want to read David McCullough's book it was adapted from. The extras include a bio piece on McCullough's life, a short but good making of featurette, and a text option with historical facts which are far too infrequent.

On Kung Fu Fridays, watched The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (originally released as Master Killer in the West, ridiculous since the lead character refuses to kill). A brilliant martial arts film that takes its time setting both the world and training of Shaolin, and pays off tremendously in the end. Gordon Liu keeps impressing me - LOVE the three-section staff - as does director Lau Kar-Leung and his policy of not cutting away until you've seen 8 to 16 moves in camera. Crazy. The commentary track by critic Andy Klein and the Wu Tang Clan's RZA is disappointing because it's mostly about appreciation, and less informative than usual. The making of (in Chinese) and interviews are better. Not sure what the live clip of the WTC is doing there though.

Finally, I flipped Attack of the Cybermen, largely because I wanted to make cards from it. If you don't know about this 6th Doctor/Peri adventure, it's no great loss. It's terrible. There are worse stories, but this is the kind that, the more you think about it, the more awful it becomes. (What's the opposite of "growing on you"?) Very badly written with unmotivated reactions, irrelevant characters and tasteless violence, it's at once continuity porn AND gets the continuity completely wrong. Often, the people involved in the production agree with the fanbase and don't mind telling us in commentary tracks and documentaries, and the like. They don't this time, defending Attack from criticism. The DVD also has a bit on Cybermen through the ages and features on a lead cybernetics professor that WILL CREEP YOU OUT.

Hyperion to a Satyr, entries this week include:
Act I Scene 1 according to Zeffirelli
Act I Scene 1 according to the BBC
Act I Scene 1 according to Kline

New Unauthorized Doctor Who CCG cards: 47, covering both Destiny of the Daleks and Attack of the Cybermen. That's what I call a bad Doctor Who marathon!

Someone Else's Post of the Week
One of my friends from my hometown (and fellow Whovian) has started a nice little sarcastic blog that points and laughs at news items every day. It's called Kraft Diner and Limonade (sic). Good luck with it, Joelle. And I don't want an iphone either.

Star Trek 961: Invincible Part II

961. Invincible Part II

PUBLICATION: Starfleet Corps of Engineers #8, Pocket eBooks, September 2001 (collected into print with S.C.E. ebooks #5-8 as Miracle Workers in February 2002)

CREATORS: Keith R.A. DeCandido and David Mack

STARDATE: 53283.1 (follows the last novel)

PLOT: As the death toll on Sarindar mounts, Sonya Gomez struggles to capture the "monster shii" preying on the camp, even as the Nalori senate shows no mercy and demands results. An autopsy on the first shii killed reveals these are actually synthetic creatures used by their former owners to hunt for food (animal cranial matter, explaining all the beheadings). While Gomez unsuccessfully attempts to communicate with the killer machine, most of the workers steal into the only ship and abandon her. Only the cowardly Razka remains behind, and together, they lure the creature to the dish and destroy it using its energy transmission capabilities. When Duffy finally comes to rescue her, she falls into his arms.

CONTINUITY: Same as the previous novel.

DIVERGENCES: None.

SCREENSHOT OF THE WEEK - The Gallamite doctor
REVIEW: The second part of Invincible is so action-packed as to be explicitly violent, with all but one of the guest characters killed with extreme prejudice. If the story had been told in one volume, their well-drawn profiles from Part I would have lent more weight to those deaths in Part II, though I can't really complain, having read them a week apart. If I'd waited two months for Part II though... The narration is again supplied by Gomez' logs and various letters, a great deal of it from Razka's pen. While Gomez completes a personal arc here, one that finally makes her accept Duffy's offer, Razka's is more extreme and complete - the coward who faces his fears and yet does not betray himself. It's the journey from coward to pacifist.

Next for the SBG Book Club: Planet of Judgment (TOS), Power Hungry (TNG), Warchild (DS9), The Riddled Post (SCE).

Spaceknight Saturdays: Moonshot Week Finale

I couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried. All week, the SBG celebrated Apollo 11's historic landing on the moon the only way it knows how - with fluff pieces about the Moon and space travel in general. How fitting is it, then, that this week, Rom makes use of NASA? Indeed, the world's space agencies band together in a way they won't again until work starts on the International Space Station (this was 1985) to put a stop to the Dire Wraith threat once and for all.

And it wouldn't be possible without Forge's help. He built a Neutralizer the human race might use, but it doesn't work exactly the same as Rom's. Instead of throwing Wraiths down into Limbo, it simply neutralizes their magic, returning them and their pets back to their original shapes.
He still won't share it with the government, however, because it can be used against mutants and other super-humans. This makes Agent Gyrich really angry, but in any event, there's no way outfitting everyone with homebrewed neutralizers is going to help humanity stem the tide when "Worldmerge" is halfway here already. Thankfully, Forge thinks bigger and better. That's his mutant power.

Cut to Earth orbit and a fleet of the tiniest space shuttles you'll ever see:
The plan: Construct a giant Neutralizer lens that Rom can shoot his Neutralizer into and sweep all of Earth in a matter of minutes, sending every last stinking Wraith to Limbo in a single shot.
Can it be done? Not if the Wraiths have anything to say about it! Predictably, they've already turned a crew of astronauts into sludge and taken their places.
They're planning on sabotaging the weapon, of course, but Forge and Rom are onto them.
Thus starts an eldritch battle in outer space. The Wraiths deviate a small comet and make it chase Rom.
Meanwhile, they get medieval on Forge's ass.
Somehow, I think Earth-616's spacesuits are a little more resilient than ours, despite its cramped shuttles. Speaking of small, how 'bout that Canadian arm, eh?
Gyrich saves Forge (TWIST!) by using the atrophied shuttle arm like a tweezer. Meanwhile, Rom's led the comet on a merry chase before bringing it back to...
...the Wraiths' shuttle!

Are we finally poised to eradicate the alien presence from our world? Or will Wraithworld merge with Earth sooner than expected. The answer in seven days!

Star Trek 960: Time Crime Part 1

960. Time Crime Part 1

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #53, DC Comics, October 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8512.4 (around the time of this series' issue #13)

PLOT: The Enterprise tracks a temporal anomaly out of which comes a Romulan warbird. Except that isn't possible, because there hasn't been a Romulan Empire since they lost the war decades ago. The Romulans have slingshot back in time and found the timeline changed. The Klingons haven't been an aggressor species for the last 500 years and none of the classic Romulan or Klingon episodes ever happened. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, the Enterprise heads for the Guardian of Forever, the only objective observer of time...

CONTINUITY: In this alternate timeline, the original Enterprise was never destroyed, Sulu is still at the conn, Uhura is first officer, Spock and Saavik work together at Starfleet Command, David (ST II-III) is alive and working on the Guardian of Forever, and the science officer is Worf, the Worf from ST VI, that is. The time travel method used by the Romulans is well known to us since Tomorrow Is Yesterday. The new Federation President (ST VI) makes his first comic book appearance. Admiral Cartwright also appears. The Guardian of Forever is, of course, from The City on the Edge of Forever.

DIVERGENCES: David's hair is his father's brown in the this alternate timeline.

PANEL OF THE DAY - The Romulans got ships and the Klingons got a knife in the back at Khitomer.
REVIEW: I'm a sucker for parallel worlds, I am. Especially if they're well thought out. I don't know what pivotal moment was changed in Time Crime (likely something Klingon), but it's interesting to see the repercussions. Putting Worf's grandfather on the Enterprise is a stroke of genius, and it's plain the events of ST III never happened. Kirk never lost a ship and a son. I'm half hoping we'll get to see more back history for this world, only half because I don't necessarily need to have everything explained to me. Still, be nice to grasp why promotions fell differently there. A strong set-up then, obviously a reverse of Yesterday's Enterprise, but leading into a time travel story through the Guardian of Forever.

RPG Talk: The Game World's Satellite

It's still Moonshot Week here at the SBG, but how does that theme relate to role-playing games? Well, just as going to the Moon was a grand adventure, so can going to your game world's "satellite world". What that means depends entirely on you and your campaign.

The "Satellite World" is a world separate from your usual game world, but accessible from it, if only with difficulty. It may be another planet, a neighboring realm or something beyond the dimensional veil, but in any case, going there should seem like an at once daunting and exciting enterprise. When characters realize they have to go there, their minds should reel from both the adventure's potential and its difficulties. And indeed, getting there is half the challenge.

Where To?
More fantastical campaigns have an easier time of it. Whether its underpinnings are magical or scientific, every world can mount an expedition to another planet, a different plane of existence or even another time period. Without your feet having to leave the ground, there are still isolated lands that reputedly none of your countrymen have returned from or even reached. Think of Mordor or all those Lost Lands filled with dinosaurs, intact Incan cities and undersea realms that populate pulp fiction. In a straight, history-based campaign, like say a western, a country like France may seem so far away as to be another planet. And the GM can certainly make it seem that way to the hicks from Deadtown when they finally arrive after 8 weeks of sea-going hardship. More extreme yet, send them to Japan.

Of course, the GM has to "sell" his Satellite World to the players. Yes, sometimes it's clear. That Moon in the sky is just begging to be the "next frontier", for example. But you can't spring an expedition to Mordor on the players if none of them know that Mordor is this unattainable goal filled with bogeymen. Well, you can, but it won't feel like a Moonshot. Mordor has to be set up in advance, it's got to be the place everyone tells you not to go to, or that can't be found or reached. It's also possible to set things up more quickly, of course, like finding hints that the Earth is hollow and then making plans to visit its innards (Jules Verne remains an invaluable resource for this type of adventure).

Nomads Can Still Apply
So what if your campaign is already nomadic? You're already going places, exploring as a matter of course. Can there really be a "Satellite World" in that case? The expedition is never ending!

It's still possible. The Moon remains separate from the realms the characters travel, right? An expedition must still be mounted inside the present expedition if the goal is to be reached. What if the Satellite World is always around you, no matter where you go? The astral realm for example, or the microscopic world inside the atom or the human body, perhaps a wormhole to a crazy corner of the universe. Even just darkness. In your campaign world, no one goes out at night, until some clever adventurers decide to brave the shadows. Or just as in a more sedentary campaign, you can always have that chain of mountains that can't be climbed, with the Dark Realm behind it, always to be avoided or circumnavigated.

Why Go?
What would make the characters feel the need to visit the Satellite? Our own Moonshot was motivated by the fear another power would get there first. Certainly, the discovery of a MEANS (or partial means, make it an adventure, remember?) to get there is a trigger. Raise the stakes. It's hard to say if it would have mattered much if we had a "Red Moon" in the sky, but what if whoever breaks the time barrier first will be control the space-time continuum (or at least prevent the enemy from distorting history)? What if reaching Barsoom gives you first shot at an alliance with the Martians? And of course, you can use any carrot or stick that's worked for you in moving characters to other climes: kidnapped princesses, the promise of riches, an escaping villain, etc.

If you've hyped the Satellite World well, getting there will be a reward in and of itself... and then they have to find a way back! Or did you make them go for a more permanent change of venue? You sneaky devil...

Star Trek 959: Epic Proportions

959. Epic Proportions

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #52, DC Comics, September 1993

CREATORS: Diane Duane (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8752.5 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The big three are asked to initiate first contact with the Atyansa specifically because they are part of the planet's prophecies. Seems like they were always meant to go on an important quest there. They make it up a mountain, defeating projections along the way, and find their way inside where they meet the living computer that forecast their appearance thanks to "tachyonic data". It asks for the Federation to restore its data banks and redeliver the wisdom of the ancients to the Atyansa. Meanwhile, Scotty stymies the Klingons by jamming their transporter beam, though ultimately it's the computer that slingshots the Klingon battlecruiser away.

CONTINUITY: Among the landing party's hallucinations, we see a Mugato (A Private Little War), a Gorn (Arena), a Talosian (The Cage) and the salt-sucker from The Man Trap.

DIVERGENCES: First contact procedures must have changed between Kirk's time and TNG, because the Atyansa only have 16th-century-level technology. Scotty refers to himself as a Lt. Commander, but wears a Captain's uniform.

PANEL OF THE DAY - "Word gets around."
REVIEW: Diane Duane guest-writes this odd story that, quite simply, doesn't work. The characters are supposed to find it strange to find themselves folk heroes of a people they've never even met, but all they do is go up a hill and get the premise explained to them. The title's "epic proportions" just aren't there. Nor is the science (and the computer's plan) very believable. Perhaps a longer set-up could have helped sell the premise. Scotty does get a good role standing up to a Klingon battlecruiser and using his wits to defeat it, and the dialogue is generally bubblier than Weinstein's usual fare, but a disappointment based on Duane's other work.

Top 5 Spaceships From Comics

Tuesday, it was all about spaceships from movies and tv, but as I was compiling my list, I kept thinking about great spaceships from comics. Instead of enlarging the criteria for tv/movie ships, I decided comic book ships deserved their own post. I mean, check these out!

5. XB 982 (Valérian) I don't know how many Yanks know about the adventures of Valerian, space-time agent, and his lovely assistant Laureline, but I've always been enchanted by Christin and Mézières' imaginative sci-fi series. The XB 982 is definitely in the Millenium Falcon mold, though it predates Star Wars by about 8 years, and thanks to its ability to jump through both space AND time, it's a TARDIS with style and a bay window.

4. Brainiac's skull ship (DC Comics)
You gotta respect Brainiac's massive ego. His ship is in the shape of his own HEAD. With tentacles. And there's nothing that can't be made better by tentacles (except Japanese romance comics).

3. Galactus' ship (Marvel Comics)
I quite like its moebius loop, "infinity" shape, but it's the fact it's the size of a solar system that does it for me. They say we can see the International Space Station from Earth with the naked eye. Well...

2. Scuttlebutt (Marvel Comics)
Beta Ray Bill, the alien goat version of Thor, has only one companion - this flying, talking warship. In the style of many an anime spaceship, it nonetheless distinguished itself by being drawn by Walt Simonson. So you know it usually comes accompanied by the bestest sound effects.

1. Lunar rocket (Tintin)
On the Moon a good 11 years before Apollo 11, the rocket that brought Tintin to our satellite and back is an iconic beauty. Not only does it have a great retro look and an awesome paint job, but it's the only lunar craft that comes with equipped with a spacesuit specifically designed for man's best friend. And after a good golf game, really, what else would man want to do on the Moon, but take a walk with his dog and cruelly perhaps, make him fetch.

Perhaps you have other sequential art favorites. You know how to leave a comment.

Star Trek 958: Renegade

958. Renegade

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #51, DC Comics, August 1993

CREATORS: Dan Mishkin (writer), Deryl Skelton, Steve Carr, and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8748.4 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Saavik is sent undercover in Romulan space to retrieve a defecting scientist selling them secret technology. He believes peace can only come from balancing the two powers and as he and Saavik are being chased, tries to seduce her both politically and romantically. It was the hope of the Romulans they could turn Saavik, but she discovers the scientist's deception and escapes Romulan space. The Romulans then activate a lethal implant that kills the scientist.

CONTINUITY: Reference is made to Saavik's half-Romulan heritage (ST II's script).

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Let's play Spot-the-Skrull!
REVIEW: On the one hand, it's a good Saavik solo story that uses her character well. On the other, I find it hard to believe in the scientist's motives. How he could actually think Romulus is on the side of the angels and Starfleet are the bad guys requires more suspension of disbelief than warp speed or transporters. Thankfully, what first reads as melodrama is part of the deception, redeeming much of the tale. I'd like to see Mishkin do more Star Trek based on this. As for the Skelton/Carr penciling team, I don't know who's responsible for what, but it's fair to say the art has a split personality. The anatomy and likenesses are often rushed and unprofessional, and yet there's a lot of dynamic movement. I liked it more than I disliked it, in fact, but it's like looking at someone who knows what to do in theory, but has no practice with execution.

Cat of the Geek #11: Luna

Name: Luna (Japanese: Runa)
Stomping Grounds: Sailor Moon (manga, anime, live-action series and stage musical)
Side: Good
Breed: Guardian Cat
Cat Powers: Make hokey super-powered jewelry appear out of thin air. Immortal counsel to the Sailor Scouts. Has a cute human form.
Skills: Eat 2, Sleep 4, Mischief 2, Wit 6, Anime Emote 8
Cat Weaknesses: Attached to a bratty reincarnation of her former mistress.

Star Trek 957: The Peacekeeper Part Two

957. The Peacekeeper Part Two: The Conclusion

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #50, DC Comics, July 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham, Arne Starr, and Carlos Garzon (artists)

STARDATE: 8639.2 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The USS Pacific, Scotty, Chekov and the secret protomatter weapon haven't been destroyed, but transported away by renegade Aegis agents bent on using the weapon for their own ends. On the Enterprise, Gary Seven, a true agent of the Aegis makes himself known to Captain Kirk and explains that he was sent to prevent the weapon test from occurring as it would have disastrous consequences on history. The renegades, rebelling against the Aegis' interventionism, took this opportunity to steal it. While Scotty and Chekov work to undermine the renegades' actions, Gary Seven flies the Enterprise to the Pacific's location where the former destroys the latter after all hands are rescued from it.

CONTINUITY: Confirmed, that was Admiral Cartwright (ST V-VI) last issue. Gary Seven and Isis appear again (from Assignment Earth) and are now time travelers. This is the first mention of the Aegis, but it returns in other comics and novels (so don't give the credit to Greg Cox's Assignment: Eternity).

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - See today's Cat of the Geek (#11)
REVIEW: Though it changes Gary Seven's premise a little bit, this issue creates the underpinnings of every Gary Seven appearance to come, right up to the recent IDW series. It's a simple enough "Time Patrol" idea, but still one that was missing from the Trek universe. I wonder if they were involved in the Temporal Cold War at all? From onscreen evidence, they may well be Daniels' people. The story IS plagued by a couple of Weinstein tics, like having the heroes do heroic stuff only to have it subverted by a deus ex machina (Scotty and Chekov strive to beat the bad guys and just when they do, the Enterprise swoops in and make it irrelevant) and the idea of a dissatisfied faction. However, the double-sized format allows Whigham to create more dramatic ship scenes that would simply have been a waste of space in a regular issue. And there's a good bit with the cat coming up with the solution.

Top 10 Spaceships Left Off the Den of Geek's List

Sunday night, I directed your attention to Martin Anderson's excellent list on Den of Geek: Top 75 Spaceships in Movies and TV. 75! That's a lot! And yet, there have been so many great designs over the years that I'm still left thinking some vessels got robbed. Don't get me wrong, there are some great spaceships in there, and Anderson doesn't usually go for the obvious either. The TARDIS and the Planet Express get some love, for example, but fans of Lexx, Andromeda or Farscape don't get any acknowledgment.

And they won't get any from me either, but I will single out a few ships that would certainly have made MY list.

10. Martian Warship (War of the Worlds)Despite the fact that it's a total departure from the novel's tripods, I have a certain affection for the 1953 saucer with reading light attachment version ever since I saw it on afternoon tv when I was a kid. The reading light or shower head thing packs quite a punch, and the sleek design of the saucer turns out to have close ties to the design of the Martians themselves. It's the unity of design that makes it so memorable for me.

9. Swinetrek (Pigs in Space)
There's nothing wrong with a "silly" design, not if it works. Which is why I couldn't put the Heart of Gold on here. But Miss Piggy's "bottle rocket" does. The muppet pig face, the Flash Gordon aesthetic, and that "do not" symbol on the nose. Pigs on patrol, cease and desist!

8. Sontaran Ship (Doctor Who)
Doctor Who doesn't have very many cool spaceships. Lots of saucer designs, a few rockets, some Star Wars and Aliens knock-offs... But I do like the Sontaran ships. Originally just tiled balls with a door, the new series has reimagined them with window space without affecting the overall look.

7. White Star (Babylon 5)
If there's one series that was neglected in the Den's list, it's Babylon 5. The show produced a large number of unique designs with interesting shapes and textures. When B5 unveiled its version of the Defiant, the White Star, it was as kickass a moment. The ship had great moves and great lines, in line with an alien aesthetic that made many vessels look like marine animals.

6. Shadow Ship (Babylon 5)
Creepy as hell, the Shadows had unique vessels that inch out the White Star based on intimidation power alone.

5. Vorlon Ship (Babylon 5)
And this squid design? It completes my B5 trifecta by appealing to my steampunk sensibilities. To me, it's what Captain Nemo would drive in 20,000 Leagues Over the Sea.

4. USS Defiant (Star Trek)
Anderson has a lot of Star Trek ships on show, of course, but he's missing a couple of my favorites. Case in point: The Defiant. Taking the saucer/nacelle design to new heights of minimalism, this over-powered little ship became a favorite as soon as its gonzo phasers started firing. Yes, I know very well it's a take on the Millennium Falcon, but it kicks a lot more ass.

3. Borg Cube (Star Trek)
I understand why the Borg Cube wouldn't be considered. After all, it's just a big box of old car model parts. But it does a lot with it. It reminds us that in space, there's no call for aerodynamics, and it does so in a spectacularly intimidating way. One need only watch the opening of First Contact to see what I'm talking about. Insert opera music here.

2. Arcadia/L'Atlantide (Albator AKA Captain Harlock)
The Den of Geek does give a spot to the similar "boat in space" design of Starblazers' Yamato, but (and I'm gonna use the French names here) Albator's Atlantide (that would be Atlantis, not Arcadia) takes it just a little further with the skull and crossbones on the front and the antique captain's cabin at the stern. Throw in a sentient computer that holds the soul of Albator's dead friend and you've got #2 on a list like this.

1. Chiggy von Richthofen's Chig Fighter (Space: Above and Beyond)
Now, I like the Chig fighters as a rule. Cool three-clawed design, and spinning moves that would make any human pilot red out, but the Red Baron of space has an even cooler feature: Scrawled on his hull is "Abandon all hope". Does it seem as if I like intimidating ships a heck of a lot? I guess that's a fair cop.

I'm sure Den of Geek's list could have gone up to 100. What are your favorite overlooked ships from movies and tv?

Tomorrow... well, Cat of the Geek, but the Day After Tomorrow: Top Spaceships from Comics! Don't get left behind on this mudball we call Earth!

Star Trek 956: The Peacekeeper Part One

956. The Peacekeeper Part One

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #49, DC Comics, June 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Romeo Tanghal (artists)

STARDATE: 8637.7 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The disused USS Pacific has been outfitted with a new and powerful weapon based on protomatter, which makes Kirk edgy. But he must still lend it Chekov and Scotty so they can test it, which they do despite the fact that a mysterious figure and its shape-shifting cat have infiltrated the ship and even killed some security guards. When the weapon is tested, the Pacific and the rock it was firing on disappear...

CONTINUITY: Admiral Cartright (I assume it's him) was seen in ST V and will again in ST VI. Protomatter was developped with disastrous results by the Marcuses (ST II and III). The mysterious figure is obviously supposed to be Gary Seven, and the cat, Isis (Assignment Earth).

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - No really, am I the only one who sees it?
REVIEW: Gary Seven a murderer? Time will tell. For now, a surprising script from Howard Weinstein. There are no alien factions to speak of, no alien politics and he atypically makes actual use of past continuity. Furthermore, the weapons test plot is made more interesting by Kirk's emotional reaction to its link to his son's research, and if he smells a rat, well, Cartwright is in the room, isn't he? It'll also be interesting to see how Chekov gets out of this one, since Weinstein has shown some affection for the character in the past. A good start (I've said this before, I know).

Moon Landing 40th - My God, It's Full of Stars!

Happy 40th Anniversary, Moon Landing!

40 years ago today, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin set foot on the Moon and made it REAL. Hope you'll join me all week for a celebration of space travel and exploration. To start with...

40 Things Armstrong Didn't Find on the Moon and that You Probably Will Never Find There

1. A monolith pointing the way to the next stage of evolutionOr should I call it a Moonolith? (First item and already you want to slap me.)

2. An intact LEM

3. Superman and Solar Man, duking it out in slow motion.

4. Luna Park
The happiest place orbiting Earth.

5. A plane in a crater, no matter what you saw in Weekly World News

6. Werewolves who can't turn into humans again

7. Dracula's vampire castle

8. Werewolves FIGHTING vampires

9. The Watcher
That cosmic voyeur who's as interested in what you've done as what you might have done if you were a little crazy and didn't care that everyone on Earth died.

10. A floating city filled with Inhumans

11. Any kind of "blue area"

12. Robin Williams' floating head
I didn't know that's what they meant when they called him King of the Moon.

13. Cheese. Loads and loads of cheese.

14. An armada, waiting just behind it

15. Cyrano de Bergerac

16. A base ready to take on the universe
In case, you know, the Moon flies off for a day trip.

17. Caves dug out by savage insects my ether ship's crew really wants to explore

18. That Chinese emperor who blasted his ass up there with a throne full of fireworks

19. Souls (creepy!)

20. Amazon Women

21. A giant Egyptian dung beetle giving it a push

22. Footprints... with toes!

23. The Justice League Watchtower
Because there's a lot of crime on the Moon.

24. Lake Armstrong (not that I mind the terraforming, but beaches made of dust aren't exactly what I think of as a good vacation spot)

25. Marvin the Martian's summer cottage

26. This
Oh, people from 1835. Will you never learn?

27. Giant adverts

28. An 18-hole golf course

29. Something in the Moon's eye
Or eyes, for that matter.

30. Tycho City

31. The gun that shot down Apollo 13

32. The TARDIS

33. John Glenn's space fireflies

34. Captain Haddock's empties

35. The Mirror Universe Neil Armstrong waiting for him with a gun
It could have gone down very differently.

37. The camera crew taking pictures of the moon landing

38. Dinosaur-killing bacteria

39. Andy Kaufman

40. A cow in orbit
Somebody should really just get around to shooting one up there.

Star Trek 955: To Walk the Night

955. To Walk the Night

PUBLICATION: Star Trek Annual v.2 #4, DC Comics, 1993

CREATORS: Michael Jan Friedman (writer), Gordon Purcell and Pablo Marcos (artists)

STARDATE: Unknown (after The Cage)

PLOT: As Spock questions his future in Starfleet, Pike's Enterprise visits a colony where alien possession is suspected. The colonists all have the same nightmare and eventually turn violent and start speaking in tongues. Spock follows a telepathic call to the colony's lifeless exterior where he finds a creature that attempts to duplicate him. Saved by Pike, Spock is able to reveal the truth. The colonists are all alien duplicates whose duplicated human personalities have proven stronger than their true alien selves. The Federation may be ready to let bygones be bygones and embrace this new dupe-species, and Spock has proven his worth to the ship.

CONTINUITY: Crew from the original pilot that appear include Christopher Pike, Number One, Philip Boyce, Yeoman Colt and José Tyler. Scotty was chief engineer aboard Pike's Enterprise (TOS novel: Enterprise: The First Adventure). Spock finds it hard to think of a scenario in which he would commandeer the Enterprise (The Menagerie). This story has more than a passing resemblance to Voyager's Demon and Course: Oblivion.

DIVERGENCES: Why the hell does Captain Pike have a mustache?

PANEL OF THE DAY - Dammit Chris, I'm a bartender, not a wiseass.
REVIEW: First of all, props to Purcell and Marcos for doing their research. The Pike era is well rendered, with the right uniforms, props and sets. I can only surmise Pike's mustache was mandated by... The writer (based on a throwaway line in a novel)? The Jeffrey Hunter estate? It's pretty distracting. As for the story, it's a fairly good Star Trek mystery that could probably have lingered longer on the ethical/philosophical ramifications of its resolution, but it works mostly as a look at what Star Trek would have been like had the original pilot been allowed to become the series bible. Scotty's presence was a nice surprise, and I certainly like Yeoman Colt more than I do Rand. Not sure I understand the whole Spock subplot though. Way too dour and emo compared to his appearance in The Cage, and Pike's lack of trust in him is likewise suspect. It's like Friedman expects the reader to know about some other non-canon story that leads into this, which he really shouldn't.

This Week in Geek (12-18/07/09)

Buys

Summer is when I probably spend the most money on DVDs, stocking up for the year. Looks like Kung Fu Fridays will have to be prolonged beyond the season too, what with me grabbing all of Dragon Dynasty's catalog. This week, I add Kill Zone, Police Story 1 and 2, and John Woo's Last Hurrah for Chivalry. Oh, and Jet Li's Fearless on another label. And realizing I can't keep inviting people over for Kung Fu movies and not have Bruce Lee on tap, I got me Enter the Dragon and the Bruce Lee Ultimate Collection which features The Big Boss, Fist of Fury, Way of the Dragon, and Game of Death I and II.

In non-Chinese media, I was finally convinced to get the following things: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (Pat's fault), Firefly (Frank's fault), and Run Fatboy Run (Carolynn's fault). And before getting into Torchwood Series 3, I plan on listening to the BBC radio drama, Lost Souls.

"Accomplishments"

Books: My reading of Doctor Who novels proceeds apace with the New Adventure The Dimension Riders by Daniel Blythe. It's a strong, literate affair building on the mystery of just who, or what, has been meddling with history, with good turns for all the regulars. I do wish the books could handle all three of them together in one location (they seem to always split them up), but this one at least uses that to neat paradoxical effect. On a purely personal note, before a description of him cropped up, I cast Timothy Dalton as the Time Lord called the President (as influenced by my recent viewing of Hot Fuzz), and now I've found out that Dalton will be playing a Time Lord Chancellor in the next Doctor Who, The Waters of Mars (in flashback?). What have my antennae been tuned to?

Taking a break from the 7th Doctor's somewhat dark adventures, I next too on The Pirate Loop by Simon Guerrier, a New Series novel starring Ten and Martha. It's a very slim story featuring a ship caught in a time loop and humanoid badger pirates that suffers from an all-too-flippant Doctor. It's a harmless romp, yet there's violence in it, and the Doctor's reaction seems off. Good use of the time loop for narrative effect, but yeah, it tends to repeat itself.

DVDs: Let's stick to Doctor Who connections... I flipped over Torchwood Series 2, seeing as I'll soon be able to watch Series 3 and wanted to get it out of the way (I'm anal like that). Still think it's one of the better "New Who" seasons ever produced, a real heart-breaker at the end, and even the less interesting episodes far superior than most of Series 1. No commentary tracks on the episodes, this time, which is kind of a let down, but Torchwood Declassified does a fair job of looking at each episode's challenges. There are a few outtakes and deleted scenes as well.

I also got through Secret Diary of a Call Girl Season 2 (just 8 short episodes, after all), which had more drama than comedy this time around, as Belle got a boyfriend and a pupil. The latter provides the laughs, especially in included Webisodes that go a long way towards making Bambi more likable. Too bad about Billie Piper's distracting tan... The DVD also includes an interview with the star that's a lot better than the previous season's.

I followed this up with Run Fatboy Run, which was just what the doctor ordered after a stressful day of road construction noises outside my window. A pleasant little romantic comedy/sports movie with the always pleasant Thandie Newton and the equally engaging Simon Pegg, co-written by the latter for the Brit vibe I like so much. The commentary track by Pegg, Newton and director David Schwimmer is fun too, as are the outtakes and deleted scenes.

On Kung Fu Friday, watched The One-Armed Swordsman, the old Shaw Brothers production that many credit with the martial arts boom in Hong Kong and eventually, the world. It's a quieter piece than I expected, as much an introspective romance as a swordplay picture. Some of the action is sluggish when compared to more recent films, but it's still a strong story. The DVD includes a commentary track by critics (but not Quentin Tarantino as the packaging promises - I think it's a cut and paste error using the King Boxer text), a retrospective of director Chang Cheh's career, an interview with the star, and a lot of vintage trailers for films both good and not so good.

On Gun Fu Saturday (why not, I was bored), watched Kill Zone, the terrible English title of an Donnie Yen-Sammo Hung heroic bloodshed tragedy actually called "SPL: Sha Po Lang". It's a title that has to do with Chinese astrology and the stars lining up with devastating effect. Hard to translate, but Kill Zone? Really? Anyway, being a Hong Kong crime/action picture, it looks gorgeous. Its understated acting made me think of Infernal Affairs, except with some kickass martial arts action in the third act. The DVD is fully loaded with extras, as they say, and between the couple hours of interviews and full hour of raw behind the scenes footage from fight scenes, you get a very good idea of Donnie Yen's action style.

Radio plays: And... back to Torchwood. Lost Souls by Joseph Lidster the first BBC radio production, taking place in the wake of Series 2's events and guest-starring Martha Jones. It's a topical story in that it uses the Hadron collider to open a gateway to something not so nice, and I'd say it only rates as ok when compared to similar Big Finish productions. Except for one thing, and that is Eve Myles as Gwen Cooper. While the other actors are good, you can sometimes feel they're in front of a microphone. Not her. She gives an excellent performance full of surprises. The CD also comes with a feature about Series 2 that would act as a good addition to the DVD if only it were visual, but not much in the way of packaging. I'd have liked a little booklet or leaflet with proper credits, for example.

Hyperion to a Satyr, entries this week include:
Act I Scene 1 according to Olivier

Someone Else's Post of the Week
Thanks to Cal's Canadian Cave of Cool for bringing this really very well researched article at Den of Geek: Top 75 Spaceships in Movies and TV. It's inspired a couple of posts for this upcoming week's celebrations. See you there!

Star Trek 954: Invincible Part I

954. Invincible Part I

PUBLICATION: Starfleet Corps of Engineers #7, Pocket eBooks, August 2001 (collected into print with S.C.E. ebooks #5-8 as Miracle Workers in February 2002)

CREATORS: Keith R.A. DeCandido and David Mack

STARDATE: 53270.2 (simultaneous with Cold Fusion)

PLOT: Sonya Gomez is sent on special assignment to Sarindar, a crystal planet where the Nalori have unsuccessfully been trying to mine sensor-reflecting ore. In short order, though they don't like the Federation OR women, she gets everyone's good will be "lifting the curse" of the planet. She fixes equipment that wouldn't cooperate and even kills a crystalline "shii monster". Just as the project starts to yield results, however, a second, bigger shii monster attacks and kills more workers...

CONTINUITY: The Nalori would return in the Vanguard novels (Scotty actually mentions knowing of them in Invincible). The doctor on Sarindar is a Gallamite, you know, the ones with the transparent skulls (many DS9 episodes).

DIVERGENCES: None.

SCREENSHOT OF THE WEEK - Location scouting for Sarindar
REVIEW: Invincible uses logs and letters as its sole narrative device, which could be tiresome at longer lengths, but suits the shorter eBook format. It even surprised me with a change of POV at one point (a worker's letter), which was later used to good effect to make us care about that character. While not much happens in the book, plot-wise, it's still a strong character piece for Sonya Gomez that shows her resourcefulness, leadership style and brings us into her more intimate thoughts. Still manages to give us a couple of bits about the other characters as well, so that's nice. Does it feel like something that should go to two parts? I'm not sure, we'll see. But it's not boring, and the guest characters are distinct enough to keep one's interest - the lazy Gallamite, the Nalori's distinct culture, the preachy Bolian - I'll be glad to read more about them next week.

Next for the SBG Book Club: Invincible Part II (SCE), Planet of Judgment (TOS), Power Hungry (TNG), Warchild (DS9), The Riddled Post (SCE).

Spaceknight Saturdays: Forging an Alliance

Look! Mike Zeck cover!

So we learned yesterday that while the Dire Wraiths have initiated the Worldmerge that will bring Wraithworld and its black hole sun to our solar system, the mutant inventor Forge has been sitting on a manufacturable neutralizer that could be used to arm the human race against the alien witches.

But why?

Before we get into that, let's check in with Rom and his lady love Brandy Clark, recently taken out of the Starshine armor and left in an apparently very restful coma. But wait, she stirs!
Who else was expecting a tantrum?
Rom... His reflective armor a bane to women everywhere who haven't had time to put their morning make-up on...

Speaking of reflection, Rom goes out for his usual super-powered tai chi routine.
No really, there's this exact scene in Jet Li's Tai Chi Master. Though I think maybe Jet clears his mind a bit more.

Then it's off to Dallas to ask Forge to chip in against the Wraiths. Why you won't share your toys, dude? Well, see, Forge's neutralizer also takes away a super-human's powers (like it did Storm), and his own personal nightmare is that the government will turn against all the Marvel heroes and zap them into uselessness.
The big question is: What does Forge know about Hawkeye, we don't?

As Wraiths start attacking in the street outside Forge's high-rise, Rom's passionate plea finally convinces Forge that he has to take action.
But that action will have to wait for next week! Sorry, kids!

Star Trek 953: Deceptions! Part Three

953. Deceptions! Part Three

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #48, DC Comics, June 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8627.9 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: As Klaa continues to shadow the Enterprise under cloak hoping she'll cross into the Neutral Zone, the ship finds the Ex-300 empty and adrift. The Mardelvans plan to bring it home on automatic, but Scotty wants to inspect it first. One of the Mardelvans gets the jump on him and sets the auto-destruct instead, hoping to hide the evidence. Seems like this was all a ploy by certain officers to create a Klingon-related incident that would make Starfleet take the protection of Mardelva more seriously. Back on that planet, dissidents capture Spock's party on the island, but they are rescued by the government. As the Enterprise leaves the area, Kirk sends a farewell message to Klaa just to bug him.

CONTINUITY: Klaa and Vixis. Saavik apologizes to Spock for her behavior when possessed by an energy being in #41, attributing her inappropriate feelings for him to his pon farr on the Genesis Planet (ST III).

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Kicked out of bed by a Klingon woman.
REVIEW: Well, that cover's an outright lie, as is the splash page featuring the Enterprise destroyed by a bird-of-prey. The comic just doesn't play fair and all that time spent on the Klingons in this and previous issues is a big waste. Weinsteiiinnnnnnnnnn!!! As for the rest of the issue, it offers a fair resolution of the plot, with some nice dogfighting action for Spock and Saavik.

So What's This About Forge's Dire Wraith Neutralizer?

Last Spaceknight Saturday, Rom and SHIELD found out about a neutralizer built by Forge that could arm the human race against the Dire Wraiths and turn the tide of the war, if only he'd let us use it. But when did this happen? Answer: Pretty much concurrently with those issues of Rom, as part of Forge's first real storyline...Uncanny X-Men #186... Lifedeath, a Love Story. A couple issues after Forge's neutralizer is used to accidentally take away Storm's mutant powers (less than 2 years after Claremont took away her sense of fashion), the mutant inventor has taken it upon himself to nurse her back to health in his high tech skyscraper in Dallas. Guest artist and full time legend Barry Windsor-Smith got to draw a number of Storm nudie shots and... Dire Wraiths!
Dire Wraiths sucking people dry!
Ooh, that's nasty. Obviously, they're after the neutralizer, collecting clues that will lead them to Forge. At one point, they come across Rogue and her amazing exploding fists of fury.
So what happens when Rogue touches a Wraith without the benefit of gloves? A lot of puking, apparently.
Back in Dallas, Storm finds out Forge created the gun that took away her powers, so she leaves just as an actual storm kicks up. Somewhere else in the Marvel Universe, the Casket of Ancient Winters has been opened, placing this story at the same time as Rom #60. Cue Uncanny #187 and Dire Wraiths drawn by John Romita Jr.
He focuses more on Wraiths turning people into dust than into bags of gross, as you can see.
Forge's building is easily infiltrated. Elsewhere, a powerless Storm was still, you know, trained by Wolverine.
A huge battle ensues inside, one that involves a ton of Wraiths, Darkwings, Hellhounds, an Indian shaman, and a few more X-Men. The Wraith take a page from the book of Captain Kirk's doubles:
Yeah, that never works. (Because in Claremont's comics, everyone's also a mystic. And a ninja.)

Colossus' skin vs. Wraith drill-tongues...
Is it me, or are Wraiths particularly vulnerable to kicks in the head? Now stand by for the Reprinting Copyright Infringement Nightmare Moment:
Can X-Men Essentials reprint this panel? We'll let the lawyers decide. Is "They're holograms, not the actual characters" a solid defense?

The battle continues in Uncanny #188, as the Wraiths call up even more demons, and Rogue once again comes in contact with them. More puking? Not this time!
The problem with stealing a shape-shifter's powers, I suppose. It takes Magik's sword to rip the Wraith right off of her.
I'd forgotten how much casual angst was in this series...

When it's all done, Forge remembers one Wraith was left on the roof. Good memory. Neutralizer in hand...
Somehow, I don't think it sends them to Limbo, do you?

Now that you've been prepared, tune in tomorrow for Spaceknight Saturdays, as we find out why Forge won't share his Wraith-killing technology.

Star Trek 952: Deceptions! Part Two

952. Deceptions! Part Two

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #47, DC Comics, May 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8625.2 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Spock and Saavik were shot down by a stolen experimental craft and while Kirk wants his officers back, the Mardelvans make it clear where the priority lies. The Ex-300 can outgun, outmaneuver and outrun Starfleet ships, and now it's in the hands of dissidents, and perhaps soon, the Klingon they are courting. Kirk follows the Ex-300 as it cuts a swathe of destruction on its way towards the Klingon Neutral Zone, but the Mardelvans aboard may not be trustworthy. Captain Klaa goes to meet it as well, not knowing what he will find. Meanwhile, Saavik finds a cave for the crash survivors to take shelter in...

CONTINUITY: Klaa and Vixis (last seen last issue) and Commodore Khezri (last seen in issue #24)

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - On Klingon engagements...
REVIEW: It's part 2, so the plot thickens. The non-dissident Mardelvans may turn out to be the true villains, or at least lying about the powers of the Ex-300. The Klingons don't seem to be in bed with the dissidents as they've claimed, certainly. The Spock/Saavik subplot doesn't advance much, probably because so much time is given over to the Klingons. I really don't know where Weinstein's affection for Klaa comes from, or if he's around just because he's the only surviving Klingon antagonist from the films, but he gets more scenes than Kirk. He plots, he gets reprimanded, he fights and loves his woman, he has a good meal... Sure, ok, but what about the cast? Only Scotty and Saavik get anywhere close to this much attention.

In Blackest Night

I've been on board with the War of Light stuff since the Sinestro Corps storyline, so I'm as excited as anyone about its culmination in Blackest Night. But I have to ask... is it a good idea?

I'm not talking about execution. I admit to having gore fatigue when it comes to Geoff Johns' stuff, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not talking about coming in late to the Zombie meme already over-exploited by Marvel. I'm talking about the ramifications this event could have on the DC Universe and its properties.

Now, obviously, I don't know how it'll end, but it seems to me that either the Black Lantern Corps members will wind up being resurrected for good or they won't. Those that are get a new lease on life, and certainly, characters that died very recently (and abruptly), are probably first in line to be reborn: Martian Manhunter, Jonathan Kent, and some prominent characters killed in Blackest Night's first issue, for example. Aquaman too.

And they can't all be resurrected for good. That would just be too much, and would undermine entirely too many stories.

However, it's still those that won't be reborn that I find the most problematic. In superhero comics, there is always a chance a character will cheat death. Note that despite a "resurrection event" like this being in the wings for the past couple years, characters have still been reborn by other means - Bart and Barry Allen, Ice, Superboy, Jason Todd, etc. But characters depicted as zombies in Blackest Night will be shown to POSITIVELY be dead, leaving not much room for resurrection later, at least not without satanic intervention or Crisis-type reboots.

Is this a good or a bad thing? On the one hand, dead should be dead, characters' deaths should be permanent and meaningful (a mixed message if it comes out of THIS series). On the other, does it close doors it shouldn't? Had Blackest Night happened a few years ago, would that have meant no Flash Reborn? No Oliver Queen? No Kilowog?

So mixed feelings here... What do YOU think?

Star Trek 951: Deceptions! Part One: Coup D'Etat

951. Deceptions! Part One: Coup D'Etat

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #46, DC Comics, May 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: Unknown (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Spock and Saavik are visiting the largely water-bound planet Mardelva, whose government is interested in Federation affiliation. However, there's a (all together now) dissenting faction that would rather get in bed with the Klingons. These guys attack a city, so the Vulcans and ambassadors leave in a shuttle. They're shot down by a ship and crash on an island, where Saavik must get everyone out of the burning shuttle, including a wounded Spock. Meanwhile, Kirk and the Enterprise face four birds-of-prey led by Klaa...

CONTINUITY: Klaa and Vixis are back (ST V).

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - What does it take for Kirk to call a Red Alert, anyway?
REVIEW: Rod Whigham's art is the real star of the show here. He gives Mardelva its own architecture and fauna, and is more adept than Gordon Purcell at staging outer space action (or action, period). His submarines have a cool hammerhead design too. Green blood gushing out of a Vulcan nose looks a heck of a lot like snot, but I'm blaming the shade of green for that one. As for the story, it's the usual Weinstein set-up, but at least he lets the artist work in a lot of wordless action to spruce it up. There is an annoyingly racist undercurrent to the story, however, with the other faction obviously being members of another "race" and Kirk saying something about all Klingons looking alike to him. Just to rile Klaa up, you understand, and not necessarily out-of-character as ST VI's events approach, but still unpleasant.

Cat of the Geek #10: Red Lantern

Name: Dex-Star
Stomping Grounds: Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps (DC Comics)
Side: Evil
Breed: Alien Burmese
Cat Powers: Ring that turns his anger into toxic blood puke.
Skills: Eat 3, Sleep 2, Mischief 10, Wit 2, Anger Management 0
Cat Weaknesses: Not a good pet, especially for small children.
More information: http://newsarama.com/comics/050913-Ragecat.html

Star Trek 950: A Little Man-to-Man Talk

950. A Little Man-to-Man Talk

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #45, DC Comics, April 1993

CREATORS: Steven H. Wilson (writer), Rob Davis and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8620.3 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Trelaine shows up and wants Kirk to show him how to have his way with women, teleporting him to various locations for just such conquest. Targets include a triple-breasted barfly, the former Yyeoman Teresa Ross, and Carol Marcus. Kirk bucks the trend throughout, but he's still in love with Carol. Upon returning to the Enterprise, a female Trelaine-like entity appears, a girl in love with the adolescent Trelaine, and now we get it. They leave together, and Kirk puts in a call to finish his conversation with Carol.

CONTINUITY: Both Trelaine and Yeoman Teresa Ross were last seen in The Squire of Gothos, an incident that made her leave Starfleet. She became a judge. Carol Marcus is now doing some lower profile research after her son's death (ST III).

DIVERGENCES: Teresa is mispelled Theresa. The 2004 novel Ex Machina claims Teresa Ross is the same character as Chief Ross in The Motion Picture (despite the different actress), contradicting the idea that dancing with Trelane made her leave the service.

PANEL OF THE DAY - That's not his armpit.
REVIEW: Steven Wilson's one-shot makes use of past continuity in a fun enough way (something missing from Weinstein's scripts), and while Trelaine stories never really get above any of the average Q stories on TNG, it was a nice surprise to see forgotten character Teresa Ross. The high point of the story, however, is Kirk's meeting with Carol, which has a certain poignancy and seems to actually matter. What's unfortunate in what is meant to be a sexy romp is that Rob Davis' art doesn't do justice to any of the women. Most range from mannish to total hags, and even the better looking (like Trelaine's girlfriend) have strange male pattern baldness. And I'm not going to go into details about the turd-asteroid field.

Don't Hurt the Player Characters...

...hurt their friends!

It's time for an RPG articles, and if I go into my suggestion box (filled by readers like YOU - use the Comments section), I pull... "Collateral Damage" as suggested by Anonymous! It just so happens it is my favoured means of hurting player characters. Everybody recovers from damage, but can they recover from collateral damage?

See, I'm one of those narrativist GMs that likes to keep the PCs alive until it is dramatically satisfying for them to die. I treat all my games like episodic TV shows or serial comics, and it wouldn't do to kill a character off on unlucky rolls, or in the middle of adventures, in shit-ass combats with grunts or when the odds are less than epic. No, I want their deaths to MEAN SOMETHING. I want it some meaningful, the player goes into it WILLINGLY.

But where's the suspense in that?

In collateral damage, that's where. I'm unwilling to kill off a PC willy-nilly, but her clumsy boyfriend? Sure! Blow up the warrior's stronghold? Anytime! Have the Kingpin erase the superhero's credit margin? Oh yeah! Even ye olde innocent bystander will do the trick in a pinch. Oh the guilt! And demotions and loss of privileges are always a nice consequences for failure. You won't die, but I can't guarantee you won't get nerfed!

The beauty with making a character miserable is that it creates drama, it doesn't take drama away. A guy can't very well suffer if he's dead. A character that fails in the above examples might struggle with guilt, public scorn or an employer's ire. Or maybe he has to deal with the loss of a loved one (who's finished their own arc, naturally), rebuild their headquarters anew, or change their status quo from millionaire playboy to grungy public defender. In fact, those endings should be new beginnings.

And after the ups and downs, when the world is really at stake, in that big climax, then the character's life is up for grabs. And if she loses it, then I hope it was enough to save us all. And that, as they say, is EPIC.

Who's with me?

Star Trek 949: Acceptable Risk

949. Acceptable Risk

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #44, DC Comics, March 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Gordon Purcell and Carlos Garzon (artists)

STARDATE: Unknown (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The Enterprise visits a colony outside Federation space and run by Kirk's risk-taking childhood friend. 12 people have recently died, not from the extreme pollution the colonists are producing, but from violent storms. Spock discovers the storms are caused by incorporeal life-forms trapped under the ionized layer created by the colony to make their climate more temperate. Kirk and his friend come to blows over it, and the colony votes in favor of the Enterprise zapping the ionized atmosphere, freeing the aliens and forcing the colony to move.

CONTINUITY: None.

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - The future is all about baggy pants.
REVIEW: A lame environmental fable with dodgier art than usual from Gordon Purcell. The bagginess verges on the disproportionate, and action-driven scenes are messy. The story is dull and doesn't make good use of Kirk's childhood connection with the antagonist, with a quick resolution thrown in so we don't need to stick around for another issue. The aliens that must be freed are never seen or heard from and the colonists not given a voice. Drab is as drab does.

Sexy Sexy Companions

Being a collection of cheesecake and beefcake shots of every Companion the Doctor's ever had on tv, even a couple that never boarded the TARDIS. Except the robots. Nobody wants to see that. And keep in mind, ladies, that there seems to have been less call to take beefcake shots of the TARDIS boys...

Sexy SusanShe's no granddaughter from where I'm sitting.

Sexy Barbara
From the strange boudoir photos of Britain.

Sexy Ian
Ladies, I've got hair enough for all of you.

Sexy Vicki
Let the glam begin.

Sexy Steven
Cuz everybody loves a dog.

Sexy Katarina
I told you I was including all of them.

Sexy Sara Kingdom
Though to be fair, Jean Marsh was never hotter than as Sara Kingdom.

Sexy Dodo
Best I can do.

Sexy Ben
Girls swoon now.

Sexy Polly
Come and have the special Polly cocktail. (Yes, a full-blown Moonbase reference.)

Sexy Jamie
The 60s were all about the hair. Not that it isn't now.

Sexy Victoria
Oh those Victorian values!

Sexy Zoe
For the other side of this coin, see The Mind Robber.

Sexy Liz
The stories Bessie could tell.

Sexy Jo
The cleanest shot of the set.

Sexy Sarah Jane
Sarah doesn't want to play our game, but she doesn't need to.

Sexy Harry
Was the UNIT era, the disco era?

Sexy Leela
Don't you just love a bad girl?

Sexy Romana I
And they say the Time Lords are sexless.

Sexy Romana II
If you want her in taller hair, the Internet can help you out.

Sexy Adric
Two words that don't really go together, but here you are, girls.

Sexy Tegan
Probably not Janet Fielding's favorite day on Doctor Who.

Sexy Nyssa
Her only good costume, as she slipped out of the series.

Sexy Turlough
Cuz everybody loves a bad boy.

Sexy Peri
Oh 80s, sometimes you did good.

Sexy Mel
And sometimes you made me feel confused.

Sexy Ace
Very confused.

Sexy Grace
Grace and class.

Sexy Rose
Before the Doctor, before Mickey, there was this bloke down at the pub...

Sexy Captain Jack
Some of you have been waiting 30 pictures for this.

Sexy Mickey
I feel a little like Postmodern Barney...

Sexy Jackie
There's a four-letter acronym for this.

Sexy Martha
Just so's you can look at the tattoo, of course.

Sexy Astrid
You're no Jo Grant, honey, but points for trying.

Sexy Donna
Dimensionally transcendent.

Sexy Lady Christina
You're not learning anything new today, are you?

Sexy ???
We don't know her name yet, but she's off to a good start.

Star Trek 948: (A Little Adventure...) ...Goes a Long Way! The Conclusion!

948. (A Little Adventure...) ...Goes a Long Way! The Conclusion!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #43, DC Comics, February 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Gordon Purcell and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8915.1 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The Binzalan engineer is badly hurt by the latest radiation leak, leaving Scotty in charge of a ship in massive disrepair. Meanwhile, the mother of the splinter religion's "saviour" is prematurely in labour. The child is born aboard the ship even as the Binzalan authorities arrive and attack to get back, not the pilgrims per se, but the heir to the throne, the baby's father who faked his own death to escape his former life. The Enterprise arrives in a nick of time to beam everyone aboard the ship as it detonates from the leak, and Kirk and Spock mediate matters between the Binzalans. The prince is happy to be exiled from his homeworld, and the faithful are not to be told the baby was born before reaching the colony. As for the Binzalan engineer, she is inspired by Scotty to perhaps join Starfleet.

CONTINUITY: None.

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - When you have only so much money to spend on trade paperbacks.
REVIEW: The plot turns out to be much ado about nothing, with the bad guys giving the good guys exactly what they want as "punishment", and the issue using up half the page count to get us up to speed from the previous issue (at least, nothing new happens). Scotty and McCoy are still well used, but the Enterprise provides a deus ex machina that doesn't give them their due. Mildly disappointing despite some good dialogue here and there. Weinstein is getting better at characterization, but not at plotting.

This Week in Geek (5-11/07/09)

Buys'n'Gifts

DVDs from the East... The Legend of Fong Sai-Yuk (still feeding the Kung Fu Fridays beast here at home) and Seven Samurai (finally found a copy that wouldn't break the bank). DVDs from the West... Two new Classic Doctor Who releases (well, three since The Rescue and The Romans are in the same release, the other is Attack of the Cybermen) and Lars and the Real Girl (a birthday gift, actually, so thanks to Iz and Etienne for that).

Oh and our resident xBox got itself a download of The Lost and Damned for GTA4. I'm taking it slow, but those hogs are a pretty ride.

"Accomplishments"

DVDs: The big one I flipped (it took me a week, most of it on vacation) is the 3-disc release of Hot Fuzz. Indulgent and at the same time self-deprecating, I thought all the extras on this puppy were entertaining, but man... that took a long time. Here's the breakdown:
Disc 1: The film (2 hrs) with 5 commentary tracks (Simon & Edgar, the guys playing cops, Edgar & Tarantino, the guys playing villains, and two real policemen), deleted scenes (20 min), outtakes (10 min) and a few extra bits.
Disc 2: Making of documentary (30 min), 8 featurettes (45 min), 23 video blogs (25 min), pictures, posters, sfx comparisons, plot holes explained, and Dead Right, Edgar's amateur cop film he made when he was 18 (40 min)... which has 2 commentary tracks (his, and Nick and Simon's hilariously groaning away at it).
Disc 3: A documentary on the US press tour (1h10) with a commentary track, 5 more video blogs, and 4 filmed podcasts.
Phew! As for the film, it's a clever cop comedy, which nevertheless has a too-long finale. That's the point of the parody, I know, but is strains my patience as much as any Michael Bay-type finale would.

We turned Kung Fu Friday into Hong Kong Friday this week by watching Infernal Affairs which, despite the totally ridiculous cover, has no real gun fu in it. This is the film The Departed was based on, and when I say based on, I really mean remade wholesale. Scorsese lost a few points with me that night, as Infernal Affairs tells the same exact story (very much with the same details) with 40 fewer minutes and a villain that out-badasses Jack Nicholson. Tony Leung and Andy Lau aren't bad either... what am I saying, they're great! Throw in Christopher Doyle's beautiful cinematography and you have a high end Hong Kong picture that tends to outshine its American copy. The DVD has a couple of making of features. Nothing much, but cool to watch.

Then, The Right Stuff. To tell the truth, this was the first time I sat through the entire 3+ hour monster, as I'd always found its direction rather wonky. Still do. It's bloated and indulgent, with comedy that misfires more often than it amuses, but there are some very good elements in it nonetheless. Chuck Yaeger's story is the real heart of the film despite essentially being a parallel subplot, and the editing is often a delight. I'd actually gotten this to put in front of my From the Earth to the Moon collection (which is followed by Apollo 13), because I love the early days of space travel as a rule, and I was interested in what extras the DVD could offer. Well, while there is information and footage on the Mercury missions, it's mostly about how to relate them to the screen (which is fine) and how it was received by some of the astronauts. There a commentaries on selected tracks and a long PBS biography of John Glenn on the occasion of his returning to space in '98. Deleted scenes complete the package. Good stuff, and I can say I have a greater appreciation for the film.

Olivier's 1948 Hamlet was necessarily next. I had a VHS version of it, but had yet to watch my DVD copy. Thing is, my Hamlet blog requires me to discuss its opening scene sometime this week, so I gave it a full viewing. Still has some surprisingly modern elements, and I can see why it would win Best Picture at the Oscars that year, but I can't get into Olivier's performance. According to Criterion's leaflet, that's a common opinion. The DVD has nothing else to offer, most of Olivier's Shakespeare-related extras being on his Richard III, which was included in the same boxed set.

Speaking of Hyperion to a Satyr, entries this week include:
Act I Scene 1 according to Shakespeare
Act I Scene 1 according to Branagh

New Unauthorized Doctor Who CCG cards: 26, most from Warriors of the Deep and completing my committment to that story. Destiny of the Daleks is next. Can't exactly do a Masters of War expansion and not include the despotic rubbish bins in it, can I?

Someone Else's Post of the Week
Chris Sims of Invincible Super-Blog fame wrote a feature for the Comics Alliance about Suicidally Depressing Comic Strips. I knew newspaper comics were something of a wasteland, but I hadn't realized they'd gone from unfunny to terminal. Face it, the comic strip form now thrives on the Internet, not in the pages of your local paper. Says something about their respective viewership.

Star Trek 947: Betrayal

947. Betrayal

PUBLICATION: Star Trek Deep Space Nine #6, Pocket Books, May 1994

CREATORS: Lois Tilton

STARDATE: Season 2, possibly between The Maquis and The Wire.

PLOT: As if Sisko didn't have his hands full when terrorist bombings on the station threaten a trade conference, the Cardassians come for a visit on behalf of the newly elected Revanche Party to claim the station and Wormhole. Things are further complicated by one of the Cardassian crewmen, an abused member of the former party in power named Berat, seeks refuge aboard DS9. He helps identify the latest bomb as Cardassian, exposing their plot to destroy the station and blame it on Bajoran terrorists, thereby weakening their position as a productive member of the interstellar community. With Berat's help, the crew move the bomb to the Cardassian ship where it eventually explodes after its Gul refuses to stand down. The Revanche Party discredited, Gul Dukat returns to a position of power and takes Berat home.

CONTINUITY: The Kohn-Ma (Past Prologue) seem to take credit for the bombing of Garak's shop (a precursor to Improbable Cause). Gul Marak has a meeting with the Klaestron ambassador (that world's Cardassian connection is from Second Skin, though they first appeared in "Dax"). The momentary rise of the Revanche Party and fall of Gul Dukat could have resulted from events in The Maquis.

DIVERGENCES: Gul Macet is on the cover as Gul Marak, which wouldn't be so bad if Dukat, also played by Marc Alaimo, didn't also appear. Klaestron is mispelled Klystron. A 72-hour ultimatum contradicts DS9's usual 26-hour day convention. The terrorist subplot is so close to The Circle's, it makes Betrayal hard to place in the timeline. Words not used anywhere else in Star Trek include the Cardassian Subofficer rank and the curse word "frack".

SCREENSHOT OF THE WEEK - Stock footage from the teaser
REVIEW: Lois Tilton has claimed in interviews that writing tie-in novels just wasn't for her, but she avails herself of the opportunity pretty well. Bajoran-Federation-Cardassian politics are well rendered, with the Revanche Party getting its own identity, one that taps into the brutish side of Cardassian personality. The book's highlight, for me, was Berat's POV. It gives us a chance to learn about life on a Cardassian ship, where fear and paranoia are the order of the day. Less interesting is the identity of the agent aboard Deep Space 0, whose betrayal is pretty much telegraphed. A minor plot point, in any case. Good use of Jake and Nog (surprisingly), as well as Sisko, Kira, Odo and O'Brien.

Next for the SBG Book Club: Invincible Part I (SCE), Invincible Part II (SCE), Planet of Judgment (TOS), Power Hungry (TNG), Warchild (DS9).

Spaceknight Saturdays: The Black Album

What has gone before: In a ± final throwdown with Hybrid, Brandy Clark was taken out of the Starshine armor and put into a deep coma. Now Rom must fight alone.

Well, except for the SHIELD and army guys, except they were never very good. Even the Espers are drawing a blank these days.

And there's Rick Jones, but he's dying of cancer, so yeah... Not THAT much help.

And of course, he could always call on every other superhero in the phonebook, but they all have their own stuff to worry about, like, I dunno, stopping Paste-Pot Pete from gluing a bank or something. Still, Rom should think about picking up that phone because clearly, the Dire Wraiths have are putting it all in this time.
Say what you will about Ditko's Rom (and some of you have), Jackson Guice inks some pretty fearsome Deathwings. The skies are darkened with them as EVERY LAST WRAITH ON EARTH get together for an awesome Burning Man ritual.
Yes, this is the issue in which the Dire Wraiths literally STAB THE SUN! Rom's around, of course, fighting them front...
...and back. But their spells are more powerful than ever and they send Rom into "the darkness of Wraith-Realm" as per the cover. As Rom is about to be lost though, he has a... vision?
How Starshine saves him is a mystery, but the darkness is dispelled, and that's a fact. Doesn't help with the wounded sun however.
For that, Rom goes to the little girl who had a Wraith die in her mind and now knows all about their plans (issue #60). She's traumatized to the point of catatonia, but LOOK INTO ROM'S EYES AND YOU CANNOT DENY HIM!
She gives up the goods. The stab wound is actually a tether that's drawing the Wraith's world and star to our system where they will merge into one. Ooh, that can't be good for us.
There's only one thing for it. We have to arm humanity with neutralizers, and only one person on Earth has the know-how to build them. He's already made one, in fact, but he won't make more. And that man is Forge.
What's this untold chapter of the Wraith War? Come back Friday for a special prologue to our next Spaceknight Saturday and all will be revealed!

Star Trek 946: A Little Adventure!

946. A Little Adventure!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #42, DC Comics, January 1993

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Gordon Purcell and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8914.6 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Coming off some boring conferences, McCoy and Scotty hope for an adventure before the Enterprise comes back for them. They decide to help out some Binzalian pilgrims intent on reaching their new home where their pregnant member can give birth to their religion's saviour. McCoy's sure the baby will come before they make it though. Scotty has his own trouble with the Binzalian ship's crappy engine room. Then, the Binzalian authorities show up at the starbase they just left looking for "a dangerous fugitive"...

CONTINUITY: None.

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - What one friend wouldn't do for another.
REVIEW: Hey, this was a good bit of fun. Weinstein's Kirk and Spock remain as boring as ever, but whenever he focuses on other pairings, the comic gets fun again. Though his old chestnut of having a factioned alien race is once again used, it's played as a comic character piece, McCoy in particularly good form. I do wonder how the duo can help Binzalians who have just lost a pilot, when neither of them is at the helm though.

Milk and Cheese - Cheating Allowed!

I was moving some game boxes around and I found this stuck between two of them: Milk and Cheese's Stupid Little Boardgame from Wizard Magazine #54.
Click for readable size and enjoy the mayhem. This has been Games Week, play safe!

Star Trek 945: Runaway

945. Runaway

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #41, DC Comics, December 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8611.1 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The Enterprise searches for a lost science vessel in an area of space punctuated by stellar pulses when an energy being enters the ship and starts possessing various crew members, turning them into elated (read: high), creative versions of themselves. Other, similar entities invade the ship to retrieve this "runaway" who only wanted to experience humanity/vulcanity before going back to the star that spawned it to die. As soon as everybody makes friends, the lost ship turns up.

CONTINUITY: Tuchinsky is still around, the last remaining original character from Peter David's (or anyone's) run.

DIVERGENCES: None.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Today, the role of the alien energy vortex will be played by Keanu Reeves.
REVIEW: In addition to less than believable dialogue from the energy beings (see panel above), there's entirely too much technobabble in this issue. It's what happens when Spock and Saavik talk to each other, I suppose, but a lot of it is repetitive and inconsequential. The strength of the issue lies in showing us a bit of the ship's life - Chekov taking up painting, the shooting range's groovy alien targets, that kind of stuff. But there isn't a lot of it, with two of the affected characters being really excited about consoles. An ok one-off, but you almost get the feeling that some of the set pieces weren't scripted, just put in by the artist to spruce up some boring dialogue.

The Next Liberty City Stories

My house just got The Lost and the Dead expansion pack for Grand Theft Auto IV, and not a moment too soon. I've almost burned even the Achievements on Nico's story and I'm on vacation. These next three weeks are gonna be filled with bikers.

And Gay Tony in the fall. But if Rockstar continues to expand on Liberty City instead of moving camp to another city, what stories could be left to tell? In the same vein as my meditations on what cities would make good Grand Theft Auto locales, I present my Top 3 ideas for expanding on Liberty City.

3. Chinatown WarsWhy should Gameboy (or whatever) users have all the Chinatown fun? Either adapt this sucker or create another storyline revolving around the Yakuza, the Chinese Tong and other goings on in Chinatown. Every time I'm over there and draw a gun, it seems like there's a gang banger ready to pull on me. I want to tap into that.

2. Union Dues
You play a blue collar Joe that starts doing jobs for his corrupt union until things get out of control. It's the second season of The Wire on the docks, or the construction sites, or any number of locations in the industrial park, the latter a largely underused section of the city. It ends with the nuclear reactor going into meltdown. And hardhat armor!

1. Fifth Avenue
A stretch, I know, but GTA should cover white collar crime as well. Think Dick Jones in Robocop. You start out as a yuppie wannabe power broker that goes up the corporate ladder through industrial espionage, sabotage and bumping off the opposition. Wall Street has never been so cutthroat.

Who would YOU like to play in Liberty City?

Star Trek 944: Showdown!

944. Showdown!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #40, DC Comics, November 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Gordon Purcell and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: Unknown (follows the last issue)

PLOT: When the Tabukan facilities are damaged by explosions, Sulu evacuates their personnel and backs off in case their arsenal detonates. The Maroans see this as an opportunity to grab the weapons, as counseled by arriving Maroans from the other system. When they board the facility, however, Starfleet personnel are waiting for them with phasers. It was a trap laid by Sulu with the help of Chekov on the commandeered Maroan ship. The Enterprise and Excelsior get out from behind some asteroids and engage the remaining ships. When things get desperate, the lead Maroan ship sets a collision course with Excelsior, but the Enterprise destroys it at the last moment. The Excelsior's chief engineer having found a way to safely beam out the Tabukan arsenal, he does so and explodes them in the dead of space, convincing the Romulans and Maroans to leave well enough alone.

CONTINUITY: As the previous issue.

DIVERGENCES: As the previous issue.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Ohhhnooo...
REVIEW: The finish is a good one, with many of the characters getting their licks in, and the Maroans thoroughly trounced. A fairly good send-off for Sulu, but it really didn't have to be this long (the medical emergency thread particularly inconsequential). I've mentioned Purcell's difficulty with outer space action before, and it shows here. Perspectives are wonky, ships are destroyed out of nowhere, and there's one supposedly cool shot of the starships coming out from behind the asteroid that just doesn't work. And just why was this all called The Tabukan Syndrome? Where was the syndrome exactly? But Weinstein's titles are pretty lame by any standard. For example, there's a collision course in this chapter, but the previous one was called Collision Course. One thing's for sure, I'm gonna miss Sulu regardless of who's writing him.

Cat of the Geek #9: Blinx

Name: Blinx
Stomping Grounds: Blinx: The Time Sweeper and Blinx 2: Masters of Time and Space for Xbox
Side: Good
Breed: American Shorthair / Japanese Bobtail mix
Cat Powers: The ability to stop, slow and reverse time. A mighty big vacuum cleaner with both Suck and Blow settings.
Skills: Eat 3, Sleep 9, Mischief 9, Wit 8, 4D Thinking 7
Cat Weaknesses: A thick Japanese accent. An unhealthy jealousy of Crash Bandicoot.

Star Trek 943: Collision Course

943. Collision Course

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #39, DC Comics, November 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8604.3 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: McCoy and Wilson save the Maroan leader's life, so the colonists tell them they can't heal anyone anymore. Meanwhile, the Excelsior routes Maroan raiders taking advantage of a Tabukan sabotaging one of their facilities' shields. The Enterprise arrives to rescue McCoy, which it does after destroying part of the Maroan satellite network preventing anyone on the planet from beaming. Maroan ships in the area soon surrender (as do the colonists when Kirk comes in and tells them to accept Dr. Wilson's help). Back in Tabukan space, facilities explode as the Excelsior watches and does nothing...

CONTINUITY: As the previous issue.

DIVERGENCES: As the previous issue.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Worst case scenario of the day: Somebody broke the tv.
REVIEW: This is the second time the McCoy thread has ended in a cliffhanger, and when the next issue's come around, nothing happens. Come on, now. And how many times can Excelsior route the Maroans before we can just laugh them off as not much of a threat? The fight between the Enterprise and the Maroans is equally devoid of suspense, unless you count my wondering when Saavik will actually do something to show she's been included for a reason. The only interesting bit is pretty much the last page that features some kind of clever plan on Sulu's part, but we don't yet know what it is. But I've learned not to trust these cliffhangers.

Memories of Cosmic Encounter

I've got a little gaming groove going on this week...

In the early 90s, I played a fair bit of Cosmic Encounter and my Mayfair boxes (CE and More CE) are still among my prized gaming possessions. There's a new version out with plastic pieces and a warped design, but mine looks like this:For the uninitiated, Cosmic Encounter is a board/war game in which each player has an alien star system and attempts to put bases on another player's planets. The twist is that each alien (and there are more than 100) has its own way to bend the rules or "cheat". Every game is different because players don't draw the same aliens, and the more players there are (3-6), the crazier the strategy gets.

I still have the scoring sheet my group used to mark points (I was in second place when we stopped), and we had this thing where when an alien invaded another, that race would be "locked" (or subjugated) and could not longer be pulled. If a player wanted to free his favorite aliens, he could, but only be defeating the subjugator species. Ultimately, there would only have been one species standing. Probably Vampire or Zombie. Assassin, Will and Trader seemed to be doing well too. And we were hard core about it: None of that 3 bases for the win. Only total domination counted.

Apparently unsatisfied with the 48 alien powers from the Basic Set + 60 aliens from More CE, I made cards for the couple dozen in the copy of Encounter magazine included in the first box. The more, the crazier, is pretty much my motto. AND I also made three that, judging by the geek content, came out of my brain. I share them with you here today.

DALEK
Discards compromise and low cards
You have the power to exterminate. Whenever you have compromise cards or attack cards with a value of 6 or less inclusively, you may discard them and pick the same number of new cards from the deck. You must show the discarded cards to the other players by putting them face up.
History: The Daleks are an evil race of mutant cyborgs from the planet Skaro bent on conquering the cosmos. They have a reputation for having no mercy as they scream out their war cry: "Exterminate! Exterminate!"
Siskoid's notes today: Pretty badass, and no doubt created just so I could do my Dalek impression at the top of my lungs as my enemies fell.

HUMAN
Uses reverse planet hex
You have the power to adapt. Before play starts, pick a Destiny card containing all the cones. You must pick the solar system of the color you picked from the deck. Take the system and inverse it. You then play with whatever powers the more complex system offers. If you picked a wild card from the destiny pile, you may choose the color you want.
History: The Humans come from an ancient planet known as Dirt or Earth on which many climates co-exist. The Humans have thus learned to adapt to almost any environment or situation.
Do not use with reverse hexes.
Siskoid's notes today: My great love for the crazy reverse hexes (world ships, gas giant, asteroid field, ringed planet) combined with the fact humanity wasn't in the game gave rise to this, my favorite design.

KRYPTON
Gets stronger as he gets away from home
You have the power of tourism. On your own system, your tokens have the normal value of one. On the adjacent systems (i.e. hexes), the value of your tokens is two when defending a base on an alien planet. On the next two systems, the tokens are worth three and on the last, furthest system, the tokens are worth four. The tokens regain their normal value when they are in the cone or in the warp. Only when defending as a main player are the new values used.
History: The Krypton are very powerful beings when not exposed to the low energies of their star. When they gained space travel, they discovered that the furthest away from their star they were, the more powerful they became, making them relatively easy to destroy on their homeworld.
Siskoid's notes today: If Daleks were based on offense, Kryptonians were based on defense.

I've spared you the scratch drawings I'd done for each one. So... any other Cosmic Encounter players out there?

Star Trek 942: Consequences!

942. Consequences!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #38, DC Comics, October 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Gordon Purcell and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8601.6 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The Enterprise helps the Excelsior with its repairs and the Tabukans explain how their weapons work. Sulu may have an idea how to use the knowledge that the bombs require super-advanced triggers. When McCoy fails to check in, the Enterprise leaves. He and Dr. Wilson are working on patients when freedom fighters blow up the Maroan HQ, and those freedom fighters are willing to kill the two doctors if they try to tend to the Maroan wounded...

CONTINUITY: As the previous issue.

DIVERGENCES: As the previous issue.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Lessons learned from the Romaine fiasco.
REVIEW: There are some cute character bits like Kirk adapting to Sulu's new rank and giving him his space, as well as Scotty's seduction of the innocent, introducing the Excelsior's dry chief engineer to scotch. Uhura and Chekov get a nice, quiet scene as well. However, I have to question the plotting. The Enterprise flies to Excelsior's side, gets to hear some exposition, and then flies right back to McCoy's side. It's a frustrating back and forth that puts the lie to the title. As we learn more about Dr. Abby Wilson, we might think she's actually an old flame, or an old crush, but there's so little chemistry between her and McCoy that it could shape up to be the lamest romance ever. If that's even what Weinstein is gearing up for. I can't quite tell through their flat scenes.

More Doctor Who RPG Thoughts

I have to say, the Doctor Who RPG announcements of the last couple weeks have had me thinking a heck of a lot about what I'd do with it. So much so I may not wait for it and start a campaign using the Cinematic Unisystem rules in the meantime. What WOULD I do with it? Here are a few thoughts:

Regeneration
Though Unisystem manages to balance "Heroes" and "White Hats" (in this case "Time Lords" and "Companions") reasonably well, it's still likely players will want to play a Time Lord first, and a Companion second. Regeneration offers a way to give everyone a turn at the TARDIS controls.

In a long-term campaign (or "series"), a player might have use of the Time Lord until that character is killed, at which point another player would be able to retire his or her Companion and be responsible for creating the Time Lord's next regeneration. Same name, same goals, everything else is different. A neat way to give everyone a chance.

If play is less frequent and more episodic, a group might be able to share a Doctor (let's call him the Professor) on a rotating basis. Player 1 might play the Professor's first regeneration, while Player 2 has the second, etc. Same character, and though we know his future selves, we don't know how he got there necessarily. This group would agree to rotate Professors and Companions between each arc. In either scenario, a "Five Professors" story becomes a distinct possibility!

Over-Crowded TARDIS
On the show, the best TARDIS crews seem to be two people. Three's ok. Four only ever worked for the original cast and never after that. Role-playing groups, however, usually run 4 to 6. So you see the problem if trying to simulate the program. One way around this is to have the three most dependable players act as TARDIS crew, while other players take on the roles of the "near-companions", pre-generated allies that happen to live where the Professor lands. To name only a few from the new series: Lynda with a Y, Captain Jack in Empty Child, Astrid Peth, Mickey, Nancy, Brannigan, etc.

These characters are more expendable than TARDIS crew, which is an interesting role-playing challenge, as is the idea of having a different role in each story. For very dependable groups, the above rotating companions idea would help alleviate TARDIS envy. In my case, I have a number of on-again, off-again players who could play "native sons" of whatever world the TARDIS is dropped onto. And as you can see from the examples, there are recurring allies (especially on present-day Earth), allies who return as Companions, and old Companions who return as allies. Your favorites need not be one-offs!

Adventures for the Lazy GM
You might be able to find an old adventure module for the FASA game (I have one), and maybe there's stuff on the Internet (the unofficial Unisystem game has strong ideas), but when going forward with an unsupported game, you're not going to get many pre-fab adventures. Where do you get your ideas?

First of all, it's Doctor Who. It goes anywhere, anytime. In other words, any science-fiction, horror or historical adventure made for ANY game will likely work with the Professor thrown into it. Magic should be used sparingly, and worlds should be able to exist in the same continuum as Earth (not that parallel worlds need be excluded), but that still covers an awful lot of games on the market.

What I think I'll do, however, is mine Big Finish's audios for storylines. I have a great many of these, as well as their published soundtracks. I can use these latter discs to create an atmosphere for the chosen story, and then lend my players the story itself so they can see how they compared to the Doctor. It's something I've done when playing the James Bond RPG's movie-themed published adventures - a movie night showing the featured film after we'd played it out. Players had a lot of fun pointing to "themselves" and delighting in both similarities and differences. And unlike the television series, I can be pretty sure players have not experienced the stories.

I really am gearing up for this, aren't I? And I'm even hoping to draw some actual girls to the game (I know, unheard of), seeing as Companions have traditionally been women, and I have quite a few female fans in my pocket. But... baby steps. Baby steps.

What would you do with a Doctor Who RPG?

Star Trek 941: Prisoners of War?

941. Prisoners of War?

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #37, DC Comics, October 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Carlos Garzon (artists)

STARDATE: 8600.2 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: The Excelsior was lucky in routing the second Maroan attack, but Sulu doesn't take any more chances and calls the Enterprise for back-up. Because of the medical emergency fabricated by Maroans at the other system, McCoy refuses to leave. Once the Enterprise leaves, however, the Maroans send another toxic cloud to the planet, reveal themselves and claim the world as their own. McCoy and his doctor friend Abby Wilson are powerless to stop them...

CONTINUITY: As the previous issue.

DIVERGENCES: As the previous issue.

PANEL OF THE DAY - It's all about the special effects with you kids today.
REVIEW: In the middle of these arcs, there's the inevitable moment when we must spend an inordinate amount of time on a subplot or side-track. This is the one. While I'd much rather be spending time with the Excelsior crew, or maybe even the Enterprise's, I'm stuck with McCoy and his uninteresting friend. At least the Maroans appear to be worthy foes, both in design and intention. Purcell returns for an issue and shows a weakness with ship-to-ship action, the fight between Excelsior and the Maroans especially hard to follow. So still a better than average story, but this definitely feels like its lull.

This Week in Geek (29/06-5/07/09)

Buys

I wasn't kidding when I said it would be a Kung Fu Summer. Kung Fu Fridays now enliven the week here at Siskoid's place. I have friends come over, we watch a Hong Kong film, and then act like we know martial arts until everyone goes home or to bed. I got a lot of Dragon Dynasty product to get the ball rolling this week: The One-Armed Swordsman, Tai Chi Master, Infernal Affairs 1-2-3, Seven Swords, King Boxer, Come Drink With Me, The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, Hong Kong cinema's comic tour-de-force My Young Auntie, and... Secret Diary of a Call Girl Season 2? I'm not a proud man.

"Accomplishments"

DVDs: This Kung Fu Friday was taken up by Tai Chi Master AKA Twin Warriors. Jet Li, Michell Yeoh, a guy who never quite made it but is quite good as the Jedi who succumbs to the dark side of the Force... It's a great wuxia tale (wires showing and all) about the legendary creator of Tai Chi. Great action of course, but I'd say it was notable for Jet Li's comedy bits. I've never seen him emote as much as this, and I like it. The DVD includes the usual informative Bey Logan commentary, interviews with stars and experts, and a visit to the birthplace of Tai Chi for a quick demonstration.

Internets: Started a new blog in Hyperion to a Satyr, as I mentioned Friday. Still twittering (tweeting? being a twit?) comics singles as I read them. And suffering the loss of Outpost Gallifrey, the Doctor Who forum where I developped my unofficial CCG, among other discussions, closing its doors to posts today.
The forum is still readable to members until the end of the month at which point, it will be absorbed by the vortex. I've moved operations to Braxiatel.com, an art-related Who forum.

Awards: There's an internet award making the rounds, and Jon K. was nice enough to highlight this blog among his nominations. The "Uber Amazing Blog" award is given to sites who:
-Inspire you
-Make you smile and laugh, or maybe give amazing information
-Are a great read
-Have an amazing design
-Any other reasons you can think of that make them Uber amazing!

The rules are:
-Put the logo on your blog or post.
-Nominate at least 6 blogs
-Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog
-Share the love and link to this post and to the person you received your award from.

So in lieu of Someone Else's Post of the Week, let me present the Uber Amazing Blog award to 6 blogs I find pretty damn cool:
-Articulated Discussion
-Every Day Is Like Wednesday
-Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun
-Strange Maps
-A Character For Every Game
-And the new and improved Living Between Wednesdays

To read them is to love them.

Star Trek 940: Strike Zone

940. Strike Zone

PUBLICATION: Star Trek: The Next Generation #5, Pocket Books, March 1989

CREATORS: Peter David

STARDATE: Between The Child and Where Silence Has Lease

PLOT: The Kreel find an advanced alien weapons cache on a planet disputed by the Klingons. The Federation orders the Enterprise-D to ferry Klingon and Kreel delegations there under a flag of truce. The two sides have been bitter enemies for centuries, however, and only Klingon Ambassador Kobry seems willing to negotiate. Meanwhile, Wesley's Selelvian friend - an "elf" with powers of suggestion - is dying from a hereditary disease called the Rot which Wesley becomes obsessed with curing. As the ship arrives at the planet, the Kreel ambassador convinces the Selelvian into using his powers to procure him phasers in exchange for a cure found in the cache of technology. Kobry is then poisoned and all hell breaks loose. The Kreel and Klingons are arrested and/or killed, but not before the Selelvian is killed. The cache is revealed to be a test engineered by one of those god-like races. Despite having passed the test, Picard tells them off and only catches a quick glimpse of the reward offered as the god-like beings and their technology disappears. Kobry survives thanks to Pulaski's ministrations and he outs one of his own peace-hating men as the culprit.

CONTINUITY: Riker just grew his beard and Dr. Pulaski only recently replaced Dr. Crusher (The Child). The Ferengi invented synthehol as a way to drink business partners under the table. Pulaski was Riker's recommendation, having served with her before. Klingon Ambassador Kobry is meant to be the albino "Moron" from David's movie-era comics, taking his name from his adoptive parents, Konom and Bryce. Other characters David uses again in other novels include Tom Chaffin, the Selelvians and the Kreel (who are also used by other authors). He also uses the same names for security guards, claiming they had ancestors on the Enterprise-A. The Kreel were present at Khitomer, scavenging after the Romulan attack.

DIVERGENCES: Ten-Forward is diligently called the Ten-Four Room. Worf beds Kobry's part-human daughter Gava, cutting in front of a similar relationship with K'Ehleyr (The Emissary). Kobry mentions a Klingon Emperor. Riker thinks "Oh shit", not really in keeping with the show's tone despite the fact Picard says "merde" from time to time (at least he doesn't say it out loud).

ALIEN CASTING OF THE WEEK - The Kreel played by the creature in Feast
REVIEW: Numbered novels aren't usually allowed to add information to the canon, or at least anything that could "matter". Survivors (TNG #4) was an exception, and so is Stike Zone. Peter David only does it through details (see Continuity), but they are immediately believable. Because I read this back in the day, I was under the impression that claims such as the Ferengi/synthehol connection was canonical. I especially appreciate the Kreel, which help pad out Klingon space a lot more than has been done on the show. It sometimes seems that while there are tons of races in Federation space, the Klingon Empire is just Klingons. The Kreel aren't part of the Empire, but they do fill out its history and borders. David's true strength, as in his comics, is dialogue and character development. I don't think he has Wesley's "voice" quite right, and his Data is pretty broad, but the rest are pretty impeccable. Their interactions are smart and witty, as his the omniscient narrator. His Worf is more badass than any before Deep Space 9, and I hope a lesson to TNG writers at the time. There are a lot of comic bits, of course, much of it quite welcome, especially the crew being sick of "tests". David's not afraid to poke fun at Trek's conventions. I do take exception at his naming of characters and ships however, attracting attention to itself through the use of inside jokes (Tron, Kothulhu, and for comic book readers, Bobbi Chase).

Next for the SBG Book Club: Betrayal (DS9), Invincible Part I (SCE), Invincible Part II (SCE), Planet of Judgment (TOS), Power Hungry (TNG).

Spaceknight Saturdays: Many Happy Returns

Rom Annual #3 is a benchmark issue of the series, and one of the only three issues I had to my name before embarking on this project and getting everything else from my local comic shop's long boxes (thanks Rémi!). Among the returns heralded in this post's title: A member of Rom's rogue's gallery, a member of his supporting cast (both of which I'll reveal in due course), and my favorite inking team of all time, Akin & Garvey. The day these two left Rom Spaceknight was a dreary one indeed. I'm glad for just one issue inked by the duo (over Wm. Johnson's pencils, this time). Oh and a Bill Sienkiewicz cover too!

But let's get right into it with a shot of juvenile Dire Wraith drilling a kindergarten teacher in front of her students.
Starshine bursts in with the Light Eyes and everything, but only Rom realizes that she's just making the kids' therapy bills shoot up.
I mean, as if day care wasn't expensive enough! They take the fight outside to the river, and though Starshine is more than happy to boil the last Wraith to death, Rom, ever the reasonable one, banishes it to Limbo. But something escapes from Limbo! Something... scummy.
Ah man, I grew up in a paper mill town and there was stuff exactly like this in the river! I never suspected Wraith activity. Not in MY town. That's how they getcha. The pond scum finds "simple folk" down in Kentucky performing a baptism, and resolves itself into a humanish shape.
Who is this handsome young man who might or might not be played by Sam Neil with numbers shaved into his head? I'm not telling yet.

Kentucky is the home state of one Sam Guthrie AKA Cannonball of New Mutants fame (if the New Mutants can be said to hold any fame at all), and as it turns out, Professor X and his class are there for a visit. By coincidence, the young man who used to be river scum has been adopted by the Guthries' preacher, whose church is being menaced by a forest fire (not going well for Cumberland, KY). The New Mutants are on the case!
I especially love the locals' faces. If it were always that easy.
Rom and Starshine are also drawn to Kentucky by a SHIELD esper who apparently detects... Colonel Kurtz?
Nah, it's not. The evil son of a preacher man is none other than... HYBRID!
The icky super-powerful child of a Wraith and a human is back and he wants to make Brandy "Starshine" Clark his bride! To top it off, he banishes Rom to Limbo and forces him to watch as a phantom!

Step 1: Get Brandy out of the ghastly armor and into something even ghastlier.
Step 2: Totally PWN the New Mutants, turn all the boys into best men and all the girls into MORE BRIDES.
Step 3: Decorate the church... the Church of Rock!
Oops, he sorta missed Magik there, and her ability to teleport to Limbo. That's how Rom gets out of his predicament and in a position to ONCE AGAIN CRASH BRANDY'S WEDDING!

Step 4: Kiss the bride.
All together now: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Illyana, will you please?
Thanks. That snaps Brandy out of it and seeing Rom's Neutralizer on the ground, she grabs it and tracks it on Hybrid.
That's dangerous! Mjolnir-like, only Rom can hold the damn thing without psychic feedback frying his brain cells. But Professor X shields her from the worst of it. She barely makes it.
And that's how Rom finds his lady love again who, despite the leather togs here, has never looked more beautiful. Purged of the Starshine armor, she finds her heart. Awwww... And then falls into a coma for we don't know how long.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Next: "The beginning of the end of the world!" Promises.

Star Trek 939: Battle Stations!

939. Battle Stations!

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #36, DC Comics, September 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Carlos Garzon (artists)

STARDATE: 8598.6 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Excelsior manages to route the mysterious enemy from Tabukan space, while the Enterprise investigates a strange plague in another system, one that according to an old medical school rival of McCoy's, was caused by a toxic cloud coming from space. As both ships' captains struggle with what to do next, the Excelsior is attacked by Maroan ships...

CONTINUITY: As the previous issue.

DIVERGENCES: Dmitri Valtane's character is apparently addressed as Berger. McCoy forgets he once left Starfleet (The Motion Picture).

PANEL OF THE DAY - I've long subscribed to these exact words.
REVIEW: A talkier second chapter, but though slow, it keeps one's interest. Not so much the idling plot, but the more character-driven scenes. Sulu and Rand have a heart-to-heart as he starts to build his leadership style. In the other thread, it's more tired medical dilemma business, McCoy's old "friend" not much more than an unappealing crank. At this point, I'd jettison the entire Enterprise plotline to see more of Excelsior.

Hyperion to a Satyr - The Launch

2000 posts on the SBG? What do you do for an encore? How about branch out into a second blog? This week, I launch Hyperion to a Satyr, a new project of mine that consists of examining in altogether too much detail my favorite play of all time, Hamlet Prince of Denmark by one William Shakespeare (you may have heard of him), and its varied dramatic representations, with an eye towards staging, performance and text.What does that mean exactly?

H2S will look at Hamlet, scene by scene (or scene fragment, some scenes are just too long for single posts). First, I'll look at the text itself, what staging and performance problems it poses, what ambiguities have been laid into it by, and so on. Then, the scene will be discussed through the filter of filmed versions of the play. How did each filmmaker or actor address the play's problems and ambiguities? What effect do their choices and cuts have on our understanding of the characters and their world? Now, if you search for Hamlet on IMDB, you'll find more than 70 iterations, and that's just for "exact title matches". I will not be using them all for this project. In my second post, I detail which Hamlets have actually made the cut (short answer: still plenty). And in addition to movies, you can also expect Hamlet in other media, like comics, music and games.

Whether you're a Shakespeare fan or a movie fan, I hope you'll enjoy visiting there. I'm particularly interested in how this classic work can be given so many interpretations, and how each interpretation can shed new and different light on the Bard's masterwork. I won't be posting on H2S as frequently as I do here, obviously - I'm insane, just not that insane - but I think "at least once a week" is about as fair a promise as I can make. Think Snell's James Bond blog vs. his regular Monstrobot of the Deep.

(This post largely a cross-post of the first H2S article.)

Star Trek 938: Divide... and Conquer

938. Divide... and Conquer

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #35, DC Comics, September 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Rod Whigham and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: Unknown (follows the last issue)

PLOT: As Sulu is given command of Excelsior, both he and Kirk are ordered to the Tabukan system where, after a long arms race, the two inhabited worlds are finally destroying their weapons. Unknown intruders have attacked the Tabukans, however, to steal those weapons of mass destruction. En route, the Enterprise is diverted to a medical emergency engineered by a a new Romulan-Maroan alliance, and then Excelsior is attacked by cloaked Maroan ships...

CONTINUITY: Aboard the Excelsior with Sulu is Janice Rand and Dmitri Valtane (ST VI). Scotty gives Sulu the parts he took out of Excelsior in ST III. Saavik temporarily returns to the Enterprise.

DIVERGENCES: The two Tabukan planets were made Federation members despite their uneasy peace and the fact they never developped interstellar (i.e. warp) travel. The Romulans are using a Klingon-like design for their ships (The Enterprise Incident), even though that shouldn't be true in the movie era (based on previous comics at least).

PANEL OF THE DAY - Tabukan pumice stones were reputed to be the best in the galaxy.
REVIEW: A new story begins, and The Tabukan Syndrome promises to be... pretty good, actually! New artist Rod Whigham's likenesses are quite strong, and his designs for both aliens and ships quite striking. As for the story, well, I'm a sucker for a good Captain Sulu tale, and this is his first mission. We get to see his send-off and it's a gently comic charmer. Rand comes off nicely as well. I also like the subplot about Kirk not handling Sulu's departure (or is that his promotion?) too well. The Tabukan plot is helped along by the art design and the Romulans are properly sneaky. And not too much exposition this time. I don't know if it's too early to thank new editor Kim Yale for this...

2001st Post!

HAL judges you!
That is all.

The French Canadian Geek Experience

For my 2000th post (already!), and coming off Canada Day, I thought I might delve into my geekly roots a little. A geek is a geek is a geek, but history and geography does shape and mold the KIND of geek we become, and for my "ethnic" group, at least, there is a shared set of geek values. I'm French-Canadian, you see, and that has made a great deal of difference.

French-Canadians, whether Acadian (as I am), Quebequois, Franco-Ontarian or the rarer FCs to the West, have a number of geekly touchstones that bring them together, often transcendent of age so long as we're talking about under-40s.

The first is bande dessinée (or b.d.), what we call "comics" in English, but usually of higher quality (better production values and often, better craftsmanship) than their more disposable American cousins. Tintin, Asterix, Achilles Talon, Valerian, Spirou, Lucky Luke, Les Schtroumpfs, Les Tuniques Bleues, Buck Danny, Boule et Bill, and many many more. Most have been translated, and some have had a measure of success in the States and English Canada, but it's not even a question for French readers. If every English-speaking child has read at least one Archie in his or her life, then every French-speaking child in the West has read a Tintin or an Asterix. Probably more.

And if you're asking me to choose between Archie's recycled Happy Days jokes and Hergé, well... You're not really asking me that, are you? No. No you are not.

Tintin is not a "bathroom reader" or a stack of floppies. It's finely crafted comic art, hardbound to last. Your son will read your copy, and your grandson. And it won't ever require you to put it in a clear plastic bag either. Does this cultural background mean Francophones are more generally exposed to a stronger comics aesthetic? Does it make them better able to appreciate the form? Does the greater variety of content make them more open to that variety?

And this isn't to say that Anglo-centric comics are bad. I read a ton of them every week, and some of them are really quite excellent. I wouldn't take anything away from Eisner or Kirby or Kubert either. I think they're wonderful. But my pre-second language years weren't filled with superheroes, which has certainly informed my tastes.

The other Francophone universal constant seems to lie in certain specific anime series, translated into French and broadcast on our side of the ocean(s) for years. I watched these religiously through the 70s and though I thought they weren't on anymore, 20-somethings and 17 year olds I meet have all seen them. My brother-in-law is right this minute showing episodes to his young children, even if the violence might seem harsh by today's Care Bear-modified standards.

The golden jewel of these is Goldorak (which Americans may have seen as UFO Robot Grendizer). People in the English-speaking world I've spoken to about this have told me it's just another giant robot show surfing the wave of that particular craze, but French Canadians know the warcries for each of the robot's myriad weapons, let me tell you. Goldorak was so popular here that teenage singing sensation Nathalie Simard (think Céline Dion with a children's show instead of Vegas) even remade one of the title songs and put it on an album. Goldorak is extremely culturally significant for us.

But there are others. Albator is a great, strange, and tragic favorite (you might know it as Captain Harlock), as is Demetan, the brutal story of a frog navigating the catfish's underworld of the pond. He always wound up getting the crap beat out of him by the crayfish for some reason. Lots of sci-fi for the boys: Capitaine Flam (Captain Future), Ulysse-31, La Bataille des Planètes (Battle of the Planets has at least made a dent in the American market, as has Astro-Boy, which we only know as Astro). But beautiful stories for girls as well: Candy (a Russian tragedy that always ran after Goldorak and that I peevishly admit to watching - I probably cried too, I'm such a nancy-boy) - Belle et Sebastien, and Heidi. Coming in late so that the younger set universally love them, but I might not have a particular attraction to them: Rémi Sans Famille, Cités d'Or, Le Petit Castor, and others.

So while English-language channels brought us the flavor of the time, whether the somewhat static yet still exciting adventure cartoons of the 70s and early 80s, or the pacified 30-minute toy adverts of later days, French channels were filled with all manner of product made or translated in France. Cartoons from both Europe and Japan also came from different time periods. There's no such thing as "new programming" in translated markets, which also accounts for a certain time delay on television shows I might have watched. For example, though I wasn't born when Time Tunnel first aired, I was quite able to watch and enjoy it in translation. Same with cartoons.

Again, language, history and geography allowed me to experience a wider panorama of "geek material" much sooner than I might on my own power. You could say my culture ENABLES geekdom by putting the tools at our disposal. I don't know how this compares to others' experiences however. Perhaps cable stations (rarely in French, and unheard of when I was growing up) probably served the same function as the needs of translation for English-speaking geeks.

But I'd like to hear it from you! Did your (pop) cultural background help you become a geek? Or was it hard work and completely isolating?

Star Trek 937: Homeworld

937. Homeworld

PUBLICATION: Star Trek Annual v.2 #3, DC Comics, 1992

CREATORS: Howard Weinstein (writer), Norm Dwyer and Arne Starr (artists)

STARDATE: 8467.5 (between #29 and #30)

PLOT: Some time ago, the dispersed Kitarans found a new homeworld with the help of the Federation. Now, they're about to enter that august body with the help of Ambassador Sarek, an old friend of Kitaran leader Lar'tok. But she's dying, and is meant to telepathically "blend" her experience with Kitara's next leader, except the new leader now refuses the position. Kitara must reject old traditions and start fresh as a Federation member. Things get more complicated when an old Kitaran sect (yes, another faction), the Sancti, finally return to the new world claiming they should lead it. They kidnap Lar'tok, Sarek and McCoy, steal some old artifacts and follow their clues to a world where their sacred animals, "Peacegivers", are said to live. The Enterprise follows. Lar'tok dies on the way. The Sancti find their sacred animals, alien wildebeest with a shared consciousness who are anfry and disappointed that no one wants to follow their doctrine of peace, certainly not the Kitarans. They've given up, and without the expected answers, the Sancti agree to let Sarek mediate a new leadership structure with the unblended leader-in-waiting of Kitara.

CONTINUITY: Lar'tok was the one who convinced Sarek it was logical to marry Amanda.

DIVERGENCES: The stardate predates the Enterprise-A.

PANEL OF THE DAY - Spock, the Pigpen of the Enterprise
REVIEW: Though Homeworld continues Weinstein's predilection for factional politics and worlds created through exposition and lots of it, the Annual benefits from its longer page count. With more room to breathe between explanations, it feels more like a mini-novel. Weinstein throws in a lot of detail about the Kitarans, not all of them necessarily relevant to the story, but it does add color. Sarek is especially well used, and his friendship with Lar'tok is an emotional high point. Dwyer's art suffers from stiff likenesses, but his guest characters are quite expressive and his alien designs rather fun.

Cat of the Geek #8: Blofeld's Cat

Name: Known aliases include Tiddes and Solomon
Stomping Grounds: From Russia With Love, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice, On Her Majesty's Secret Service and Diamonds are Forever
Side: Evil
Breed: Persian
Cat Powers: The real brains behind SPECTRE.
Skills: Eat 3, Sleep 9, Mischief 9, Wit 8, Pettable 9
Cat Weaknesses: Might find himself in the wheelchair at the worst possible times (see For Your Eyes Only).

Star Trek 936: The Tree of Life, The Branches of Heaven

936. The Tree of Life, The Branches of Heaven

PUBLICATION: Star Trek v.2 #34, DC Comics, August 1992

CREATORS: David de Vries (writer), Jan Duresema and Pablo Marcos (artists)

STARDATE: 8583.7 (follows the last issue)

PLOT: Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down to a planet where their imagination becomes reality. Kirk gets trapped in a fantasy in which his son David is alive and serving on the Enterprise. Spock uses his mental control to enter Kirk's reality and remind him that David is dead. Spock's explanation: The planet is concentrated plasma from the Big Bang and thus pliable to creative thoughts. Whatever, let's just make it off-limits.

CONTINUITY: The planet is compared to the ones in Shore Leave and Spectre of the Gun, with illusions then appearing from each one. Shirtless Sulu appears courtesy of The Naked Time. David Marcus of course appeared in ST II and III.

DIVERGENCES: Impossibly occurs in the middle of the Veritas arc (according to the stardate). Despite having been on illusionary worlds many times, everybody goes on about it not being possible.

PANEL OF THE DAY - For the ladies
REVIEW: It's that old nugget with the planet that makes your imagination come alive once again. Even this comics series has used the plot device before. Using it to explore Kirk's grief, leading up to the events of ST VI, is a good twist on it, though there's a lot of time wasted with samurai and dead Sulus before we get into the meat of the matter. Spock's explanation is patently ridiculous and best ignored. At least there's Jan Duursema's expressive art, well suited to the fantasy stuff. The guest artist comes out far ahead of the guest writer in this one.